Granny coming to live with me... help!

VixAsh

Hi all,

This is my first post in this forum and I would be ever so grateful for any information or advice you can give me.

I am 33, a single parent to my gorgeous 8yr old son and a full-time student at University. My mother passed away almost 5 years ago and my Granny (her mother) who lives locally to me has recently had three falls in a relatively short space of time, one resulting in a very badly broken hip. She is 91 and very 'with it' but because of these falls and her mobility is now limited. She feels that she is not happy living on her own any longer and I agree, as do other members of the family.

None of us (including her) want her to live in a care home so I have offered to have an extension built on the back of my home so that she can come and live with me and my son. My question really is if anyone knows whether there is any financial help I can get with this from either social services or the local authority for her giving up her council flat and not moving to a care home.

My income is my student loan and university maintenance grants. I have about 45% equity in my home so could release some of that through my mortgage for the building works but if there is anything else out there that would help, it would be good to know about it. I am exempt from council tax as a full-time student and because I am on a low income I get free school meals for my son. Would her living with me affect these things?

She has about £6,000 worth of savings and gets both a private and a state pension. I believe she also gets attendance allowance and some sort of help towards her rent.

I just really don't know who to go to in order to get advice on these matters - can anyone make any suggestions that might help me?

Thanks a million!

Savvy_Sue

Well, we're a friendly lot over here. I have no particular expertise in this area, but you might find it worthwhile to contact Age UK (the recently merged Help the Aged and Age Concern).

I'd be surprised if you could get any help with the extension, but I could be wrong about that. Again, not sure about the benefits.

However, all this is going to take some time, and maybe granny would rather stay independent anyway. Has she had an assessment of her needs by Social Services, it is possible that with regular carers going in and possibly adaptations to her current home she could stay put for quite a while, with you keeping an eye on her but not being completely tied to her (which could happen if she moves in!)

Alternatively there might be sheltered housing nearby she could manage in, with suitable help. These are usually well adapted for people with mobility problems.

Tuesday_Tenor

A few things to consider:

1. Key people to talk to will be the occupational therapists from the hospital (who will be part of the team responsible for gran's safe discharge from hospital to home or wherever she's going) and the occupational therapists from the Local Authority (who will know more about Disabled Facilities Grants etc. I have no idea whether such funding is only available for adjustments to the person's own home, or might also apply to an extension in a relative's property).

2. It will be important to identify the reasons behind the falls, as this will help determine potential solutions and the level/type of support she needs. For instance, was she rushing to the loo due to a continence problem (for which there may be several solutions), is she giddy due to a blood flow problem (which might be sorted by correct medication), are there things in her home which she trips over (so can be removed/replaced), is she generally more frail due to several factors ...?

3. If you are a full-time student and mother, is gran not going to be 'on her own' an awful lot of the time anyway - you are not going to be able to provide full-time care anyway are you? Are other family members going to help?

4. If Home Care is needed to support her, in the new extension, might she be better off staying in her familiar home with this sort of support? Again, are other family members going to help?

5. Have you any idea how long it would take to sort out finances and actually get an extension built? I would assume many months (AT LEAST!), and gran will have to go somewhere (i.e. residential care) in the meantime, she won't be able to stay in hospital while the extension is built.

6. I'm assuming gran will have reduced mobility following the fall, fracture, hospitalisation and reduced confidence. However, mobility may impriove greatly following good rehabilitaion (IF available!). On the other hand, how are you going to cope if either soon, or in 18 months she is needing 24-hour constant attention. Are you proposing to give up your studies/future work?

So, lots to discuss with gran, family, the team at the hospital and Social Services. Good luck!

C_Mababejive

Being blunt, and having been there/done that...if you assume care for your relative,the authorities will be happy to let you do it as it saves them money.

dont even think that they will try and help you becuase you are,in a way,helping them. they will just blank you.

You need to think again and consider your own position.

Biggles

It may be that the area to focus on is not the extension as such but the type of accommodation needed due to her disability. If you can convince them (Social Services?) that various works are necessary to enable her to live there, you are likely to stand a much better chance of getting funding.

margaretclare

Slightly off at a tangent, but there has been a lot of research recently on falls in old age, especially in what are called the 'oldest old' i.e. the 90+ age-group. Falling is known to lead to further ill-effects e.g. fractures and all the problems that lead on from that.

It is thought that part of the problem is weakened leg muscles. In some retirement homes and/or care homes regular exercise is offered. I used to go to one myself, an hour's chair-based keep-fit and I found that my leg muscles did get stronger. Anyone who has been immobile for a while, in hospital, recovering from surgery etc, tends to get weakened muscles unless the physios are really active and insistent that you do leg exercises. A lot of older people go to the little gym that I now go to, the oldest is 84. There is a realisation that 'use it or lose it' really does apply.

Moral of story: encourage Granny to move her legs, do some chair-based exercise! AgeConcern (nowAgeUK) used to run sessions like this in some areas.

hethmar

The time it will take to get the finances sorted, the plans drawn up, the application passed or not, the building work done - its not going to be like gran can move in quickly is it?

And then with a little kiddie and your studies and I expect employment, who is going to be able to care for her all day anyway?

You really do need to speak to social services about the situation. And whilst all credit to you for even considering this, its something which you may not have given thorough thought to.

aloise

Lovely idea and you are very kind, but it may turn out to be a nightmare for you.Think carefully because your life will change dramaticly when you have an elderly relative to look after.
My cousin was having an extension fitted on to her house for her disabled mother and the council were doing it free. But it was a council house. Unfortunately she died before it was started so don't know how it would have gone

ekkygirl

It doesn't sound like you have the time to care for a 91 year old lady. I see that your intentions are good but feel that you would struggle and this would put a strain on your free time that you would normally spend with your son. A doy out to the seaside wouls involve leaving granny at home and if anything happened to her whole you were out you would feel guilty.
I think if I were you I would let Social Services put in whatever help they can to keep her at home and anything you do would be a bonus, Even if you intend to visit every morning and evening, don't tell them. They will put support in i.e home vivits meals on wheels and whatever else.
If you take control Social Services will let you and you will get no support, this is why you have to step back.
If your granny lives with you 24/7 she may be happier but I doubt that you will or you son. She may live to be 100 but be really frail for the next 9 years, Your son would be 17 by then and you will be exhausted.
Your intentions are honourable and good for you for thinking of taking on the challenge I hope things go ok whatever you decide

Old_Git

have you considered sheltered housing

monkeyspanner

Please don't discount a good well run care home or sheltered accommodation. Your grandmother would have company and a safe 24/7 environment and you would be able to see her often and relate to her as a well loved relative.

I would also support the view that social services will be only too pleased to let you take the responsibility and give you almost no support in return.