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Wasting cold-callers time
ahrimaniac
Posts: 714 Forumite
I've had four calls from Royalty Travel today telling me that because I used a Mastercard, I've won a holiday to Cancun and Orlando. Gosh!
I was polite the first time, but the last three times I've decided how much time I can waste.
The caller just now managed to sit on the phone for 45 minutes of me reading out random mastercard numbers before telling me if I'm not interested I could have said. Poor guy.
Anyway, I wrote a blog post before with an earlier call, and thought you might all get a kick from the below...
i have just won a holiday in Cancun AND Orlando!
July 6, 2010 · Leave a Comment
good gravy. There’s me stirring my lentil dahl and watching the butchest lady ever scoring a double top on Bullseye (she had her eye on a neon phone – and who wouldn’t?) when the phone rings. I was torn between rescuing Hinderburg-Cat from the living room blinds where she was trying to make a bid for freedom and fresh air (my dahl is smelly) and answering, and in the end, I left her to struggle whilst I dashed for the receiver.
Here is a Hindenburg Cat – ours is the approximately the same size, and has watery eyes. That is, however, not me in the picture.
Scale of our cat
I get to the phone only to hear silence as an auto-connector kicks in, followed by the dulcet tones of ‘Laura’ from ‘Something Something Resorts’, asking me to stay on the line as I had, unbelievably, won a FREE HOLIDAY TO CANCUN AND MEXICO because I’m a Mastercard customer. Well, I was shocked. Shocked and suspicious. Here’s a rough sketch.
See? Shocked eyes but suspicious mouth
I waited a while and soon I was connected to “Jordan”. Now, let me just explain – I knew I hadn’t won a holiday and that these type of calls either:
- ask you for your card details to scam you; or
- ask you to pay a ‘nominal fee’ (usually taxes) towards a non-existent holiday.
Either way I lose if I somehow have a mindfart and gabble all my details down the line. So instead, I thought I’d play along and see how much time I could waste. I have no guilt about this – my line is registered on the TPS so they shouldn’t be calling.
So first, “Jordan” asks me to confirm my name (Michael Mickydripping), address (16 Rosebud Avenue) and telephone number. He didn’t pick up on me being deliberately flamboyant and when he asked me if I was married and I replied “Only to my shopping bills, DAH-LING” he ploughed on in his peculiarly non-American American accent. The key is to ask lots of questions – it transpired I’d be spending two weeks in Cancun followed by a week in Orlando with free accomodation for my wife and children (both called Micky, I explained my children were called Michael and Michelle but that I’m a lazy parent). He spent a good fifteen minutes extolling the virtues of this fantastic holiday with me cutting in with enthusiastic mmmhmms and ‘oh my gravy’ (been watching The Amazing Race too much)…
Then the crux…
“If you could just confirm the security code of your Mastercard” (made one up) followed by “the last four digits of your long number” (made it up) then…”Sorry but those four digits don’t seem to correspond to your card, what are the first 12 digits (i.e….can I have your entire card number”. At this point, my dahl was bubbling over and it was nearly at the prize-board on Bullseye, so I cut it short by telling him I’d made it all up and that he was wasting his time and how much I’d enjoyed his call. He seemed…terse but carried on, so I talked over the top explaining how he was a scammer and I wasn’t interested and that I had lentils to eat, before it degenerated into insults-swapping. I got three douchebags in before he screamed (honest) that he would get the manager to call me as I clearly didn’t understand the offer. I put the phone down. Would that be the end?
No. No sooner had I taken a spoonful of my dahl then the phone rings again. This time “Terry” – the manager – prefaced the conversation by saying that I shouldn’t be abusive as it was a “digital recording”. I asked whether the FBI would send Mulder or Scully to bust me but, unbelievably, he commenced trying to rescue his sale! So, here we go again. I managed to get the following exchanges in – over the course of another fifteen minutes.
“You will have access to alcoholic drinks Mr Mickydripping”
“Really? But I don’t drink…”
“No matter Sir, there will be non-alcoholic drinks available on your tab”
“But I don’t drink. At all. I exist on the moisture in the air”.
He switched to massages…
“There will be massages available at the resort”
“OOOOH can you guarantee me a hairy man with strong arms and a gentle voice?”
“If that is your choosing Sir”
“Will he hold me tightly and stroke my ears?”
“We cannot guarantee that Sir.” (that was my favourite as he sounded delightfully creeped out).
Then onto tickets…
“Tickets will be given for full access to Disneyworld”
“Can I have access to Walt’s tomb, Terry?”
“Who is Walt?”
“Who knows. Whoever REALLY knew Walt?”
What got me through all of this was the fact he just kept trying. All in all, it came down to about 35 minutes of sales pitch with me clearly taking the !!!! before the insults started again. He lost his temper with me when I said I didn’t have a Mastercard after all and had been looking at my library card by mistake, and would I be able to use that?
The last word used was arselicker. I’ll leave it to your imaginations as to who said it. I love cold-callers. We normally get one about 5pm and I’m in the mood to clear my debts!
I was polite the first time, but the last three times I've decided how much time I can waste.
The caller just now managed to sit on the phone for 45 minutes of me reading out random mastercard numbers before telling me if I'm not interested I could have said. Poor guy.
Anyway, I wrote a blog post before with an earlier call, and thought you might all get a kick from the below...
i have just won a holiday in Cancun AND Orlando!
July 6, 2010 · Leave a Comment
good gravy. There’s me stirring my lentil dahl and watching the butchest lady ever scoring a double top on Bullseye (she had her eye on a neon phone – and who wouldn’t?) when the phone rings. I was torn between rescuing Hinderburg-Cat from the living room blinds where she was trying to make a bid for freedom and fresh air (my dahl is smelly) and answering, and in the end, I left her to struggle whilst I dashed for the receiver.
Here is a Hindenburg Cat – ours is the approximately the same size, and has watery eyes. That is, however, not me in the picture.
Scale of our catI get to the phone only to hear silence as an auto-connector kicks in, followed by the dulcet tones of ‘Laura’ from ‘Something Something Resorts’, asking me to stay on the line as I had, unbelievably, won a FREE HOLIDAY TO CANCUN AND MEXICO because I’m a Mastercard customer. Well, I was shocked. Shocked and suspicious. Here’s a rough sketch.
See? Shocked eyes but suspicious mouthI waited a while and soon I was connected to “Jordan”. Now, let me just explain – I knew I hadn’t won a holiday and that these type of calls either:
- ask you for your card details to scam you; or
- ask you to pay a ‘nominal fee’ (usually taxes) towards a non-existent holiday.
Either way I lose if I somehow have a mindfart and gabble all my details down the line. So instead, I thought I’d play along and see how much time I could waste. I have no guilt about this – my line is registered on the TPS so they shouldn’t be calling.
So first, “Jordan” asks me to confirm my name (Michael Mickydripping), address (16 Rosebud Avenue) and telephone number. He didn’t pick up on me being deliberately flamboyant and when he asked me if I was married and I replied “Only to my shopping bills, DAH-LING” he ploughed on in his peculiarly non-American American accent. The key is to ask lots of questions – it transpired I’d be spending two weeks in Cancun followed by a week in Orlando with free accomodation for my wife and children (both called Micky, I explained my children were called Michael and Michelle but that I’m a lazy parent). He spent a good fifteen minutes extolling the virtues of this fantastic holiday with me cutting in with enthusiastic mmmhmms and ‘oh my gravy’ (been watching The Amazing Race too much)…
Then the crux…
“If you could just confirm the security code of your Mastercard” (made one up) followed by “the last four digits of your long number” (made it up) then…”Sorry but those four digits don’t seem to correspond to your card, what are the first 12 digits (i.e….can I have your entire card number”. At this point, my dahl was bubbling over and it was nearly at the prize-board on Bullseye, so I cut it short by telling him I’d made it all up and that he was wasting his time and how much I’d enjoyed his call. He seemed…terse but carried on, so I talked over the top explaining how he was a scammer and I wasn’t interested and that I had lentils to eat, before it degenerated into insults-swapping. I got three douchebags in before he screamed (honest) that he would get the manager to call me as I clearly didn’t understand the offer. I put the phone down. Would that be the end?
No. No sooner had I taken a spoonful of my dahl then the phone rings again. This time “Terry” – the manager – prefaced the conversation by saying that I shouldn’t be abusive as it was a “digital recording”. I asked whether the FBI would send Mulder or Scully to bust me but, unbelievably, he commenced trying to rescue his sale! So, here we go again. I managed to get the following exchanges in – over the course of another fifteen minutes.
“You will have access to alcoholic drinks Mr Mickydripping”
“Really? But I don’t drink…”
“No matter Sir, there will be non-alcoholic drinks available on your tab”
“But I don’t drink. At all. I exist on the moisture in the air”.
He switched to massages…
“There will be massages available at the resort”
“OOOOH can you guarantee me a hairy man with strong arms and a gentle voice?”
“If that is your choosing Sir”
“Will he hold me tightly and stroke my ears?”
“We cannot guarantee that Sir.” (that was my favourite as he sounded delightfully creeped out).
Then onto tickets…
“Tickets will be given for full access to Disneyworld”
“Can I have access to Walt’s tomb, Terry?”
“Who is Walt?”
“Who knows. Whoever REALLY knew Walt?”
What got me through all of this was the fact he just kept trying. All in all, it came down to about 35 minutes of sales pitch with me clearly taking the !!!! before the insults started again. He lost his temper with me when I said I didn’t have a Mastercard after all and had been looking at my library card by mistake, and would I be able to use that?
The last word used was arselicker. I’ll leave it to your imaginations as to who said it. I love cold-callers. We normally get one about 5pm and I’m in the mood to clear my debts!
Comping wins this month: 2 x business class flights anywhere we like | Horse vitamins (!) | New kettle | Motorcycling prints | Signed LPs | Thanks to all!
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Comments
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I feel I should point out - I'm working from home today with a hands-free phone so it makes no difference to my time!Comping wins this month: 2 x business class flights anywhere we like | Horse vitamins (!) | New kettle | Motorcycling prints | Signed LPs | Thanks to all!0
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Nice work. Well done on clearing £12k of cc debt in 4 months too. Small lottery win? ))0
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Hee I wish - combination of only eating smart-price food, not going out, ebaying and doing a bloody good clearout!Comping wins this month: 2 x business class flights anywhere we like | Horse vitamins (!) | New kettle | Motorcycling prints | Signed LPs | Thanks to all!0
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hahahahaha i love to wind them up xD I saw a VIDEO on youtube once where a man pretended to be the FBI and took the p***0
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When I'm in the right mood for a windup I say that I am self employed. I tell them I charge 50 pounds for the initial consultation and twenty five pounds per hour or part thereof thereafter. How much of my time do you wish to purchase, how will you be paying, and to whom and where should I send the invoice.
I only accept cash not credit cards and they must answer a number of security questions.
What is their unique customer number and PIN. Whatever the answer, I reply that it is not recognised by my identification system and would they please repeat the security details, regularly interjecting that they currently owe me 75 pounds and how are they going to pay me. Please give the name of the person to whom I should send the bill.
Sadly I don't get many such calls, but when I do I give them my full attention.
I married my cousin. I had to...I don't have a sister.All my screwdrivers are cordless."You're Safety Is My Primary Concern Dear" - Laks0 -
My guilty pleasure is also being cold called (I know I should get a hobby right?) but I figure if they call me their fair game. I particularly enjoy it when British Gas call me
BG: Is this a good time to talk to you about your Gas tariff?
Me: Is this is a good time for me to be dancing naked in my flat?
BG: Errr ummm...
Me: Why don't you talk to me about gas whilst I twirl round in the living room with the curtains open, i've got all day baby!
Line goes dead. Usually I get at least 20 minutes out of them.0 -
Ha ha! Has anyone got any good tips for dealing with face to face (door knockers)?Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £29,419.760
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From my kitchen window I can see if people come down my garden path, out area seems to attract door to door sales. If I see them coming I sit behind the front door and open the letter box, once they ring the bell I stick my hand out and make barking noises followed by me shouting sorry i cant answer the dog will bite you.
Always make them look totally confused hehe0 -
I've never done any as funny as the top one, but having a Lab that loves company, once answered and let her bark down the line for a bit- she was loving it for the 30 seconds it lasted!0
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Abbafan1972 wrote: »Ha ha! Has anyone got any good tips for dealing with face to face (door knockers)?
Don't answer the door. Facetious I know but it's what I do. But then I'm very antisocial!
A more realistic deterrent might be to get a 'We do not buy goods or services at the door. Please do not cold-call' sticker. My council (Hampshire) issues them.
If they still knock, cut them off before they even get into their spiel. A curt 'No thanks' and close the door. Don't feel guilty about being rude - you didn't ask them to call and owe them nothing, not even your time."Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell" - Edward Abbey.0
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