Worst PWC in the world strikes again!

Soubrette

maggied wrote: »

Sou - the line on the CO says this:

Where a contact is in force: if you do not comply with this contact order-

(a) you may be held in comtempt of court and be committed to prison or fined; and/or

(b) the Court may make ana order requiring you to undertake unpaid work ("an enforcement order") and/or an order that you pay financial compensation.

Rather annoyingly vague but probably standard.

Why not ask for a fine then as punishment this time with consideration for an enforcement order if there is a next time with prison as a final resort if it is broken yet again.

Then at least you've given the PWC every chance to comply.

Sou

maggied_2

Sou - would this come across as arrogant behaviour by OH? She's very good at doing the whole "hard done by single mum" routine. OH said the CAFCASS rep absolutely lapped up the BS she fed her last time at court.

polkadot

Hi Maggied

I stumbled upon your post and read through the whole thread.Ive nothing legally constructive to offer-but noticed all the other posts with similar points of view were from parents in your situation. I wanted to share with you some of my experience as "the child" in one such situation-in the hopes that it will give you some hope and peace of mind for the future.

My mum had custody of myself and my brother and would play silly !!!!!!s with access also. We never understood why we saw my dad and stepmum so rarely. Mum always told us how trashy SM was and that she was out gallivanting and dragged dad with-this was why you didnt see daddy today.
My days with dad were always good-they bought a house where we could run and play and took us on days to the zoo, ice skating-we had barbecues and all sorts. I was always very horrid to my SM-looking back, now I understand it was because I felt being nice to her would be disloyal to mum-and would hurt her feelings. Because dad always looked like he was okay I never considered he might be hurting too.

When we started high school, we went to boarding school. Mum told us it was because my SM didnt want to look after us ever-now I know it was a CO because my mum kept ignoring, they had fined her etc, so the court ordered we go to boarding school where someone could ensure my dad got his access.

Sadly we lost my mum when I was 19 to depression. Im 30 now with 1 child and another on the way. Over the years I have learned the truth-and most of it funnily from my mums sister, who we lost contact with very early. Turns out she was vocal about her disapproval of mums actions-mum didnt like it and cut ties. I was reunited with them through facebook a few years ago and my son now knows my aunt as "granny" and my stepmum as "Nana". I have learned that my SM is a wonderful woman who only wants the best for us-and my dad was just turn between wanting the best for us and not hurting my mum. He wont talk about my mum still today.

So I just wanted to let you know that if you keep doing what you are, she will grow up to know the truth...and hopefully with your help, she will know that her mother did it because she was angry and hurt and not because she wanted to hurt your SD.

maggied_2

Thanks polkadot (and congratulations on the impending arrival!).

When the anger is prevailing because of X I do stop and try and humanise her a little (no mean feat I assure you). I know that she cannot let go of OH - I believe she is still in love with him - and has lost control over a situation she previously had all wrapped up. She manipulated OH for a very long time and is unable to do so anymore - so she resorts to using her DD to exercise the little control that remains. I dread to think of the fallout in the future when she loses that too.

It can't be nice to watch a man you're still in love with meet someone new and know that another woman is spending time with your child (although I do know that plenty of women manage it - I suppose that they have let their exes go and moved on).

It's a really sad situation and I can't imagine it's one that anyone considers when they bring a child into the world (although not massively surprising in this case...X was 'on the pill', they were young, OH wasn't the only contender for father although they were in a relationship......).

Who knows what the future holds - DSD could become more like her mother as she gets older and not be bothered about seeing her dad - or she could see her for what she is and turn away from her. We'll truck on until then I suppose!

Soubrette

maggied wrote: »

Sou - would this come across as arrogant behaviour by OH? She's very good at doing the whole "hard done by single mum" routine. OH said the CAFCASS rep absolutely lapped up the BS she fed her last time at court.

I don't think so but I do tend to see things fairly black and white - if I were a judge I'd be wondering why the court order isn't being stuck to - it should be a priority.

It wouldn't be you suggesting it anyway if you had a solicitor and again the tone I would use would be regretful - no one here is gleeful that the PWC is a pain in the neck, we just want people to stick to the rules for the sake of the child and in fact wouldn't it be easier if people just tried to do their best by their children?

I imagine something along the lines of 'We regretfully ask that there be some kind of punishment for the breaking of this court order as we do not feel the PWC is holding it or the court with the respect it deserves and there is a danger that she will continue to break the agreement in the future unless punitive action is taken.' Nothing arrogant about that imo.

However, there are some very plausible people out there. If I were in your OH's position I would be pushing the idea that I want a proper parental relationship with my daughter. I would be regretful that my ex and myself can't work as a partnership and so I want the next best thing - a stable situation where my daughter sees both her mother and her father at expected times and neither parent interferes with the other.

I wouldn't really be interested in answering the mother's situation because that is her concern not mine, my concern would be doing the best for my daughter which means a stable relationship with a strong routine for the time she spends with me.

I suppose if I were being fed excuses as to why this were not possible by someone else, I'd be wondering how high a priority contact was to the PWC.

Sou

Didismump

Excellent answer Sou...:)
There is nothing arrogant in the truth..just because the parents cannot get on any longer, does not mean the child should suffer..
As Polkadot says..the child often only hears one side of the story...and I remember only ever telling our daughter that her Father and I just did not get on any more ( and THAT was it from me)..whereas he obviously slated me and played her between pillar & post whilst she was with him ( by her own admission now)...
SUCH a silly mistake for any parent to make..as the child DOES eventually see through it all...:(

I never wanted our daughter to lose contact with her Father...and I STILL tell her he IS her Father..'No matter what'...
I watch and listen to the upset it causes her knowing her Father is still within reach..but she has no desire to see him...and the anger inside from all those years of being 'ping-ponged' still hurts her like hell...but (sadly) she IS adamant she will never see him again..simply because of the 'mind-games' he played with her..
(Hers IS a bigger story..and her Father was a fool for years)
I pray it all works out for you all...as she WILL grow up and she WILL learn the truth one day..and it will be then that the worm will turn..
Good Luck..:)

Valli

maggied wrote: »

THere is a line on the CO about punishment - thanks to this forum we asked solicitor to ensure it was included! We don't especially WANT her to go to prison - then OH would always be the !!!!!! that sent her mother to prison. We just want her to comply and leave us the hell alone.

She's getting married soon (hence why she's been reported to the benefits office) to her second child's father and actually sent a message the other night - you'll all love this!

"why don't you and maggied try and get on with your lives and live happily ever after, like I am"

Maybe she has got a sense of humour after all.

Thanks for the help, back to tying bloody balloons together
C xxx

no that'd be the court

go to the school and find out just how much time she has had off; whether is was pre-booked and granted and if she's missing a lot of school ask for referral to Education Welfare...

maggied_2

Valli wrote: »

no that'd be the court

I know - but seriously, this woman could start a fight in an empty room - she will hammer it home to DSD that it was her daddy.

go to the school and find out just how much time she has had off; whether is was pre-booked and granted and if she's missing a lot of school ask for referral to Education Welfare...

We've have had this suggested by someone else - OH is going to go ito school this week - first to let them know that he also now has PR (never thought to do this when it was agreed) and also ask for her attendance record.

We worked out she's probably had about 10 days off in the past 8 weeks or so 6 days for the holiday she's just had, 2 days off 'sick' after it, 1 day at Spring Bank (so they could miss the traffic on the way down to Cornwall....) and 1 day that we know of where she wasa off school but X was out on the p*ss the night before and DSD couldn't give a convincing reason as to why she'd been off. We think she also missed the first week of school this year (as in Sep 2009) because X 'hadn't realised when they went back to school' *rollseyes*.

Would be less of a problem if she was doing really well but she's not - she's bottom of the class for maths and close to it for literacy.

I don't understand why she wouldn't want something a little better for her DD.

maggied_2

OH has spoken to the court today and is going to go directly there - it'll cost £80 so a little different to the cost with the solicitor!

He's also spoken to the police. They've sent her a text in the first instance - a sort of "kindly desist" and she sent a text straightaway - "is there anything you won't try" :rotfl:She still thinks it's him that reported her to the benefits office - if only she knew how widely disliked she was (I know that's catty but s*d it!).

Will let you know how it goes with the school

C xxx

Valli

oh they kill you, don't they...
skank off the benefits system and then bleat like trapped goats when they get caught...NEVER thinking that they've brought it on themselves.

And if she has any sense she'll twig on that this IS a desperate daddy who WILL try anything...