Worst PWC in the world strikes again!

maggied_2

<sigh> - me again!

Brief synopsis.
OH has 9 yo DD to X.
X has made it her duty to be as difficult and vile as possible, has no qualms about putting her DD in firing line.
Me and OH been together approx 4.5 years, lived together for 2.

In Feb this year OH took X to court as a result of her constantly threatening to withdraw access (last straws were specifically her stopping us going on holiday because of my anorexia (false) and threatening to block access over Christmas).

Access was agreed and CO obtained for alternate weekends, once during the week and 50/50 in school holidays.

So - this weekend is DD's 9th birthday (Saturday) and OH's weekend. A little while ago he received a text telling him that X would be having DD until 1.30pm on the Saturday. We have a party planned at our house starting a 2pm on the Saturday (which DD has helped us plan btw, we haven't just concocted it!). OH said no and said she could have her from 6pm on he Saturday and all day Sunday.

It turns out the reason she wants DD on the Friday night is because she is taking her to the gym social (we go to the same gym) to a local curry house! There are no other children going (obviously - who else would?). We know from experience that DD would end up turning up late in the Saturday, and tired because she would have been kept up late.

OH had a solicitor's letter sent to X outlining that he would not be agreeing to X having DD on the Friday night but offering the Saturday evening and all day Sunday instead.

Solicitor spoke to X and said he could get no sense out of her at all - she just ranted about how the letter was a fabrication (ermm...what?) and that she was refusing to agree to any of the content. She told solicitor she was getting a solicitor of her own (good idea - he says any decent solicitor would tell her she wasa being mental) and that was the conversation!

X got back from holiday on Wednesday (after taking DD out of school yet again!) and wasa straight on the phone to OH saying that someone has grassed her up for benefit fraud (not us - she obviously has more enemies than she thought!) so she was going to be going to the CSA (he's always paid her) and that they were all going away for the weekend.

Plan was that OH would collect DD from school a little early to prevent X from doing this. It's sneaky but he knew he'd never see her this weekend otherwise.

Anyway - X has kept DD off school with a 'tummy ache' since they got back off holiday on Wednesday and her mother, with whom it was agreed contact would be made has switched her phone off.

So.....what to do? Do we call all the parents and tell them the party's cancelled? Do we prepare for it just in case she does turn up at 1.30?

OH will certainly be taking her back to court - we can't afford to use the solicitor for this so any recommendations on the best way to do this ourselves (are you there speedster:D).

He'll also be speaking to police about her constant harrassment and asking them to have a word.

Angry is not the word to describe how I'm feeling right now.

On the one hand OH could just let it go and hope that DD does turn up tomorrow. However - he took her to court and obtained a CO - he didn't do that so that X could still dictate terms of contact.

Thanks of you've got this far - thoughts please!

Didismump

As DD is over 8 years of age she has a say in what SHE wants...:)
IF she states she wants to be with you and her Daddy then THAT is what X should abide by..

So often children are put 'Piggy in the Middle' and it is unfair..
Does DD school have any access to Counsellors for DD..as your partner could ask them to gain her thoughts on what she wants....

It REALLY should be the childs decision..and if this does not help now it may do for future reference...

My own case my daughter did NOT want to see her Dad once she hit 8 1/2 years of age..and I had to follow this along simply as it affected her health and the school got involved (only helpfully) as they were concerned with the things she was saying in class ( her Dad was very violent to me....and swore about me all the time she went to him on access)...

So it MAY be worth watching from afar and seeing how her schooling is affected...and keeping in touch via any outside contact that she is involved in..as children DO tell...

As they say.....''Out of the mouths of babes'...

Bless her..she SHOULD be with who she wants on any day..and both parents consider how SHE feels..:(

My lovely one now almost 27...and sadly 'hates' her Father with avengence...
She will not acknowledge he IS her Father..( to the point that she says I am her Mum and my now Fiance is her Dad) and cannot abide being told she resembles any of his ways or mannerisms even now...
What they go through as young ones STAYS with them into adulthood...:(

Speak to the little one..but don't let her be used as ammunition...see what she wants...(in advance for future ref..and if necessary tell your hubbys Solicitor/get it in writing)...and at all times play fair..

If the X mucks it up for the wee one..she will only have herself to blame in the future..
Trust me..it DOES all come out in the wash..(but I know that does not help for the party and now)

I REALLY hope the X plays fair..shares and lets her come..it IS her day...not the X's...:)
Good Luck...and ENJOY!!:)

maggied_2

To be honest DD is manipluated is much by her mother that I wouldn't dream of putting her in that position - the CO is supposed to take care of that side of things!

Her schooling is already affected - her mother kept her off because she'd been out the night before (whilst signed off work 'sick'). She's 9 tomorrow and doesn't know her 3 times tables - we have put them up around the house and OH reads with her every night but she is ceretainly not thriving.

In terms of what she wants - it's whatever is in front of her! We asked her (indirectly) before she went on holiday - she wanted to come here, spend the Friday night getting ready and then go to the school fayre in the evening (presumably where all her friends are....not the local curry house!!) and was actually very resistant to going to her mum's in the evening. It was OH and I who said that she needed to see her mum on her birthday!

However she's just been away with her mum for a week and she'll have been in her ear the whole time about what a great time she'll have with her and her mates on the Friday night......

When she's with her mum then that's where she wants to be and vice versa. Poor thing.

maggied_2

OK - a little update.

X's sister (much more pleasant person) contacted OH and said that both her and her mum were washing their hands of X (over this) - they'd both tried to get through to her and couldn't but were in full support of OH and what he was was doing. Her stepfather also got in touch and said much the same thing. They're all stressed about it too!

So...OH went to X's house at 6 to collect DD as he usually would and they were, of course, nowhere to be seen.

At about 7 OH got a message saying "have you put the CSA in". It goes in on the first of each month which she could quite easily check with her branch. He ignored it and less than 15 minutes later received another message saying "I would not ignore me if I was you [sic]"

So....the following is going to happen:

1. He'll be contacting the police on Monday about her constant harrassment. He has from the last 5 months 77 messages on his phone from her, mostly rude, threatening or insulting. Seeing as it was discussed in court of Feb that she wasn't to contact him directly (although that never went on the CO unfortunately) that's fairly good going. A good deal of them have a nasty comment about me in them. Some of them also ask if I can take stuff round to school / help out in an emergency - so I'm useful apparently, but only when she needs it!

2. He will be taking her back to court for breaking the CO - this is the one we really need help with.

We can't afford the solicitor for that part! Do we apply directly to the court? I'm going to have a trawl later but if anyone knows then I'd appreciate it.

The solicitor did advise that the courts are looking at this sort of thing very dimly and if she gets a second note on her file to say she's broken the CO again then she could be looking at a short prison sentence - anyone heard of that?

Can anyone think of anything else we should be doing - this might all sound like a bit of an over reaction but it's been going on for years. We just want to be left alone and if she stuck to the CO there would be no need for any of this.

ETA: Also on the CO is a statement that school holidays have to be agreed 5 weeks before they start. The outline for them was also put in the solicitors letter that went this week which she also refused to agree to - can we put this forward in court too. It means that the holidays are less than 3 weeks away and we need to be able to arrange days off and childcare to cover 'our' weeks.

maggied_2

One more thing - I did some googling and ended up with an old thread of mine and not much else :rotfl:

Can we just call the court who issued the CO on Monday and see what they say? Are there specific forms to fill in etc?

No more questions - I have a house to clean and then a kids party to set up and a cake to finish - with any luck DSD will actually be here to enjoy it.

C xx

kelloggs36

I hope she does, I really do. Fingers crossed that she will have pestered her mother and used the emotional blackmail on her - afterall it is her party, and what parent would want to see their child miss out on that? Yes, I know, spiteful ones, but let's hope that common sense and love for her child prevails, and she will let her come. Let us know.

shell_542

I hope she arrives in time for her party x

Hopefully someone on here can give you some info about applying to the courts for a breach of CO and getting it enforced. Alternately you could join Families Need Fathers. Their forums have a lot of posters who know all about applying and representing themselves.

Sadly though, it appears that when applying for enforcement, many judges are not on the ball. Instead of bring the Parent With Care to the point straight away and enforcing it, they sometimes give chances and chances. Some are finding that instead of an enforcement case, it goes back to looking at the contact order and their contact is reduced! Shocking.

On FNF you can get info on using a McKenzies friend to assist in court who can be helpful.

Soubrette

maggied wrote: »

2. He will be taking her back to court for breaking the CO - this is the one we really need help with.

Have you joined Families Need Fathers (I do wish they'd change their name to something more neutral ) as they do MacKenzie Friends who can help out with the court issues and are much cheaper than solicitors. Email them to find out the details before you join.

Make sure that the next CO had attachments to it which spell out the punishment if the PWC breaks it again. Personally I would be asking for a small prison sentence based on the fact she has done it continually in the past, this is of course presuming you'd be happy to look after your step daughter and maintain her routines.

But then I think that non compliant parents need to really feel the punishment quickly to make them see that if they can't put their child first, then the state will force them.

Good luck

Sou

Soubrette

maggied wrote: »

2. He will be taking her back to court for breaking the CO - this is the one we really need help with.

Have you joined Families Need Fathers (I do wish they'd change their name to something more neutral ) as they do MacKenzie Friends who can help out with the court issues and are much cheaper than solicitors. Email them to find out the details before you join.

Make sure that the next CO had attachments to it which spell out the punishment if the PWC breaks it again. Personally I would be asking for a small prison sentence based on the fact she has done it continually in the past, this is of course presuming you'd be happy to look after your step daughter and maintain her routines.

But then I think that non compliant parents need to really feel the punishment quickly to make them see that if they can't put their child first, then the state will force them.

Good luck

Sou

maggied_2

THere is a line on the CO about punishment - thanks to this forum we asked solicitor to ensure it was included! We don't especially WANT her to go to prison - then OH would always be the !!!!!! that sent her mother to prison. We just want her to comply and leave us the hell alone.

She's getting married soon (hence why she's been reported to the benefits office) to her second child's father and actually sent a message the other night - you'll all love this!

"why don't you and maggied try and get on with your lives and live happily ever after, like I am"

Maybe she has got a sense of humour after all.

Thanks for the help, back to tying bloody balloons together
C xxx

Soubrette

Of course you don't want her to go to prison - she would have a choice - comply OR go to prison.

As far as I would be concerned that makes it entirely her decision as to whether she fancies a spell incarcerated.

Depends whether you think she needs something this harsh as a deterrent, or whether the thread of a lesser punishment would do the trick. As a money minded person - perhaps a fine would do it.

However, if you already have mention of a punishment in your court order, and she's broken it, then she must have some kind of punishment or she won't hold any respect for future court orders.

Did this CO actually spell out what the punishment would be for non compliance?

Sou