Court Residency Order - Costs?

Pimpslider

clearingout wrote: »

Mediation - can be a solicitor with appropriate training but they will not be acting in a legal context in mediation. It is good to try mediation - works for some people.

Are there costs involved for Mediation? A colleague said it did cost money (£100+), then they started saying they would need up to 10 sessions! So with Solicitors that's well over £1000 before anything has hit court.

My colleague also said that after his Court hearing, which confirmed access times/days, she put in up to 30 requests to change them! What's the point in that? Surely she should be in Contempt Of Court.

From what I've read up, and been told, it seems I'd be better off just ensuring our child has a nice enjoyable life, and any money I'd have spent on Court proceedings would be better off spent on them!

clearingout

yes, there are costs involved in mediation. If you're on legal aid, it's free, if not you have to pay. Where I lives, costs are not dissimilar on a per hour basis to those of a solicitor. However, 10 sessions at £1k is cheaper than court proceedings at £8k or more....there is also a lot to be said for mediation helping the two of you find a solution which works for you and your daugther and if it isn't court imposed, you have a higher chance of it being stuck to. Court proceedings really, really damage relationships. My ex started court proceedings against me (when he didn't have any problems with access at all) and I am sorry to say it's what we both now resort to threatening when we're not getting what we perceive to be our own way. If he hadn't gone through the court process, we'd have been forced into finding a way of working it out...I work very hard on being the bigger person but it's not always possible!

court forms are available from HMS court service website - I don't know the address off hand but have a google. Or you can get them from the courts.

You would be better off spending the money on your child, yes. But I do think if you're not getting the contact you and your daugther want, it is worth trying to get mum into mediation with the 'threat' of court action. You can always file for shared residency or a contact order to show you mean it (although it'll cost you £200 for the priviledge) but keep saying that you just want to mediate....you know your ex - how would she respond? Some people dig their heels in and will wait for the court to do it's work, others wouldn't relish the fight and agree to talk...It's risky. Might work. Might not. I'm a reasonable person - my ex took me to court - I dug my heels in but he also refused to mediate so there wasn't much 'give' on either side!

It is common for parent with care to kick back and refuse to do anything that's agreed in court. The courts are tightening up on this and I know of at least one person on a forum I frequent who spent a night in the cells for not allowing her children to see their father. But those cases seem few and far between - the reality is that judges seem to give chance after chance after chance because they don't have much power in reality, when it comes to enforcement.

You say your daughter is 10. What does she want? She's getting to an age where she will be able to 'vote with her feet'. In other words, if she wants to see more of you, not much mum will be able to do about it. Is that something you've considered?

786

Pimpslider wrote: »

Where are these C1 forms available from? So feasibly I am looking at obtaining a 'Contact Order' only. Is there a standard/typical format to access? e.g. "you will get one day midweek and one day of the weekend at least".

http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/H...rt_forms_id=50

You should get weekly contact without any problem.

marshmallows

pimpslider if you can represent yourself then i suggest you would. There are many websites out there that you can join which you may find helpful with representing yourself. My friend represented himself last year and got a joint/shared residency order and is going back for full residency (long story)
Unless your daughter will tell the judge/cafcass she wants to be with you i dont think you will get full residency but i suggest you try for joint/shared residency.
My friend is always willing to help as he has just been through this, pm me if you would like any more info

speedster

mediation is out.

your ex, like many of us, has what we call "ownership issues" and in all of the cases i have heard of or been involved with, they ALWAYS refuse it.

in court, the first thing that happens is the pair of you will be sent to mediate before it goes in front of the judge.

as for going LIP. don't sweat it. it really is a piece of p1ss. you just have to approach it from the right angle.

i'll pm you some points of interest in the matter.

Pimpslider

clearingout wrote: »

You say your daughter is 10. What does she want? She's getting to an age where she will be able to 'vote with her feet'. In other words, if she wants to see more of you, not much mum will be able to do about it. Is that something you've considered?

Just a quick reply to what clearingout said. I have most certainly considered it, but also feel that putting that kind of pressure on our 10 year old child may be damaging. I have said to our child that they can phone me at any time (now they have a mobile) if they need anything or if anything is troubling them, and that they are welcome to come round whenever. I am yet to come out and say "Do You Want To Live With Me"...:wall:

Thanks for all your comments so far. Very helpful indeed.

I have my Solicitor meeting next week so will be back after that to review.

:T

Cheers...

speedster

Pimpslider wrote: »

Just a quick reply to what clearingout said. I have most certainly considered it, but also feel that putting that kind of pressure on our 10 year old child may be damaging. I have said to our child that they can phone me at any time (now they have a mobile) if they need anything or if anything is troubling them, and that they are welcome to come round whenever. I am yet to come out and say "Do You Want To Live With Me"...:wall:

Thanks for all your comments so far. Very helpful indeed.

I have my Solicitor meeting next week so will be back after that to review.

:T

Cheers...

10 is generally seen as too young to "vote with their feet" 12 or 13 is more realistic.

solicitors in this area are generally a lower life form from other solicitors. they seem to prey more on the vulnerability of the displaced dad and lead them up the garden path while emptying their wallets.

i, and many others have been far more successful going LIP and saving 10's of thousands in the process.

quicker too, as family law sols are renowned for procastinating cases for as long as possible. for obvious reasons.

clearingout

hey pimpslider - I didn't really mean that by 'voting with her feet' you should be asking her to live with you - in fact, I think it's an intolerable situation to put any child in, asking them to choose between their parents. What I was suggesting was that as she gets older, she will naturally be spending less time with both parents but will be able to choose who she wants to be with at any given time. She may spend more time with you then, equally she may choose to spend less. But if you're going to court (which could take months and months) and forcing things, upsetting her mum (as your daughter may perceive it), you risk coming off a lot worse than you would sitting tight and making it clear the door is always open. These things are never black and white...and I agree wiht Speedster, you're going to throw a lot of money away acheiveing very little if you're not careful.

Pimpslider

Thanks for all the responses. The solictors meeting was a bit lame to be honest. I went equipped with a list of a about 25 questions, which I'd emailed first. She answered all of them fairly well but it seemed that most of the answers I seemed to know already by what people on here had said and other things I had looked at. £215ish later (1 hour meeting at £180 plus vat) and at least I have leagal confirmation of my queries for peace of mind. She did say it would be up to £10k to obtain a residency order, or about £3k to obtain confimed times of when I see our son (son, not daughter).

Slight twist now though...I have our son all this week; as she has gone away for a week. He has said (on the first day I had him), without any instigation from myself, that he want's to live at mine. His actual words were "I want to be here all the time".

Really breaks my heart. He said he wants to live at mine and see his Mum, but not stay there. I started saying I could talk to her but he said no to that as it would make things worse. Deep down I know that if I did talk to her about it then she would fly off the handle before I even had a chance to explain things. So I said he should talk to his Mum to explain how he is feeling, but he is clearly scared of her, so I'm really stuck here.

:wall:

kwaks

I am heartsore for the position you are in Pimpslider, knowing that your son wants to be with you as much as you want him there.

However from what your son has now told you, I would take that as the final piece of encouragement to take it all the way for full residency, regardless of the costs and time it may take. He is only a child once.