Going through seperation

Deepmistrust

PN89 wrote: »

Hi everyone

I'm really hoping someone can give me some good advice as I don't know what to do. My partner has moved out and left me and our 3yr old son. We are renting from a landlord and I've stayed here for a year and a half but my names not on the tenancy form but my names on council tax. The ex said he will pay one more months rent and that's it. He said he'd look after our son while I try to find somewhere else to stay. My mum is overcrowded and she wouldn't take me back anyway after some bad words between her and the ex cause I took his side.

I have a month to find somewhere to stay but I don't want to leave my boy with him. Can somone please tell me what to do?

Tricia x

If you are not named on the tenancy does the Landlord know you are there?

If you have a right to live in the property but are not responsible for the rent - then chill - until your ex fails to pay the rent, then your landlord will has no reason to evict you.

After 8 weeks of no rent, your landlord can begin court proceedings - BUT YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RENT. Your ex is.

Once you are served with a notice, then take it to your local council where they will either house you (maybe a short wait in temporary) or they will assist you with finding a private let.

divastrop

If your mum doesn't like the ex then she will probably be happy you have split with him and be more than happy for the two of you to make a mends. You may get a few 'I told you so' 's but at this time you will need all the emotional support you can get so maybe you could just text or email her ? I can't add anything to the excellent advice you've been given re the tenancy etc but I just wanted to encourage you to get the emotional support you need.

Hammyman

PN89 wrote: »

I have a month to find somewhere to stay but I don't want to leave my boy with him. Can somone please tell me what to do?

Tricia x

Why can't you leave your son with him? After all, he is the childs father and has just as much right to as you do.

Barneysmom

I wouldn't want to leave my son with someone who doesn't like spending any money on him.

InaPickle

Hammyman wrote: »

Why can't you leave your son with him? After all, he is the childs father and has just as much right to as you do.

You don't think this could be an attempt at manipulation? He could then try to claim full custody and use the old 'Well she left him with me when it was convenient for her to do so' defence? I wouldn't want to leave my hypothetical child with anyone, especially someone who is creating the whole situation in the first place.

Sorry I don't have any practical advice, PN89, but best of luck, and something tells me that your mum would be happy to hear from you again...;) Perhaps try to see what you are entitled to and then speak to your landlord when you know where you are up to: if he has had a good relationship with you up to now and you explain the situation, chances are he might be ameanable to you staying.

sp1987

If your mum disapproved of your partner she may be glad to hear from you now you have separated?

Drop her a text, the worst she can say is no. There aren't many circumstances where a mother will ignore a child in their hour of need, especially with grandchild in tow! If she does, no great loss to you!

DX2

Barneysmom wrote: »

I wouldn't want to leave my son with someone who doesn't like spending any money on him.

InaPickle wrote: »

You don't think this could be an attempt at manipulation? He could then try to claim full custody and use the old 'Well she left him with me when it was convenient for her to do so' defence? I wouldn't want to leave my hypothetical child with anyone, especially someone who is creating the whole situation in the first place.

Talk about letting your minds run away with you.

lell_2

Hi PN89, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I recently separated from my OH too with 2 small children having given up my job to move for his. I was unable to work where we were. In my case I stayed with family for about a month and a half til I got myself a bit better sorted. If your family would help out in the short term it would give you a bit of breathing space - its worth a try?

If you have a joint bank account set up a separate one in your name now before you might have to move... it gets difficult if you have just moved and don't have proof of your current address. If the child benefit gets paid into an account that he has access to - change the bank details now. If you don't have an account to get it paid into, they can just stop paying until you notify them of new bank details, then pay you the back log.

You should also be able to claim Child Tax Credit now in your name only, they will close any joint claim and open a new one for your circumstances only.
Claim for Income Support too, the form will say they need details of other things before they can process the claim - but get the ball rolling anyway.

Once your claim for Income Support has been processed you will automatically be eligible for the LHA (housing benefit) as someone else said at the 2 bedroom rate for your area, and I think council tax benefit too. You may also get some other things as well not sure if it depends on area or not but I unexpectedly got some healthy start fruit and milk vouchers which come in handy.

It is worth making an application for a council house (you may even get extra points for impending homelessness), if you do get one in an area you are not happy with you can always plan to move to a private rented house later once things have settled down. I have rented a house (privately) not my ideal, but until I get us back on our feet again, pick myself up and dust myself down etc it will do!! As it turned out as soon as I signed the lease for here I was offered 2 brand new houses (not in my ideal location but more than I expected tbh) but this will depend on your area I guess.

It has taken me about 6 months to get everything sorted, now I'm looking at what to do now the urgent stuff is sorted - we have a roof, money to buy food, children settled. I am looking for childcare, and possible work (I have moved nearer family).

It probably seems like a lot now - but you will get through this, and come out the other side again. My advice is sort out the money bit now, as you'll need that sorted in order to sort out a permanent roof over your head.

And don't forget to take care of yourself too as well as your little boy.

Lx