2 Parents, 2 Kids.One lives with each. Are payments required??

PlayingHardball

chriszzz wrote: »

I hope so speedster, id hate to think that they get away with it for the rest of their lives, how wicked can some be.


Fathers day just gone, it was are time with his son who comes sat and goes home son, his son is 14, never had card for dad (never has all the time ive been with him) said that he was making him one but his mum took the paper off him and told him he couldnt give that, no offer to save her son from any embarrament and give him a quid to buy a card, this is were we are different I could not let my son see his dad without a card I just couldnt do it to my son.

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Well done, we are both PWC of like minds. I always gave a couple pounds to DD when it was the ex's birthday/fathers day, and said 'go get a card'. Not that I ever had the kindness returned, but I knew I was doing the right thing by my DD, like you. I don't mind, I've got some lovely homemade cards that are very precious!

speedster

PlayingHardball wrote: »

You make alot of statistical claims on these threads that are purely based on own bitterness with your ex. Time to move on, that was then, this is now.

"most' of us are stuck with pwc who put their own selfish whims in front of their childrens welfare"

I am a PWC who puts her children first. There are many more like me!

Theres good and bad all round - you need to focus more on the good you do for your children and less on the bad the ex did, that won't do the kids any good at all. Give it a big rest, eh?

no. that's the idea of these boards. to share experiences. sorry, but if you don't like it, there's a handy ignore feature. (i use it to good effect myself) and it is "now" not "then" as it is my daughter who has to go through the games of her mother. it's not past tense, it's still happening, so it is therefore very relevant. allbeit with less effect as she has woken up to her mothers games quite a lot lately.

i am long past the bitterness, but i do resent the selfishness of that woman, purely because of the effect it has had/having on our daughter.

but as i stated, the children soon wake up to which parent is acting in their best interests and which one is playing immature games. that's the beauty of them growing up.

and in chrissz situation as with mine, in the years to come, it is us who will have our childrens respect. not the ones playing the silly games etc.

and to have your childrens respect is worth more than any amount of money.

SingleSue

chriszzz wrote: »

Fathers day just gone, it was are time with his son who comes sat and goes home son, his son is 14, never had card for dad (never has all the time ive been with him) said that he was making him one but his mum took the paper off him and told him he couldnt give that, no offer to save her son from any embarrament and give him a quid to buy a card, this is were we are different I could not let my son see his dad without a card I just couldnt do it to my son.

My boys were refusing to spend out on a Fathers Day card or present for their father, I couldn't bear the thought of him not having anything on Fathers Day as he is their father after all, despite his actions, so bought something on their behalf and got it sent up.

Middle son completely refused to sign the card and said he would never speak to me again if I signed it for him (middle son was ex hubbies favourite and was a real dad's boy), so I got eldest to fill the card in while the other two were at school and sign it from all of them...middle son would go ballistic if he found out.

chriszzz

PlayingHardball wrote: »

Well done, we are both PWC of like minds. I always gave a couple pounds to DD when it was the ex's birthday/fathers day, and said 'go get a card'. Not that I ever had the kindness returned, but I knew I was doing the right thing by my DD, like you. I don't mind, I've got some lovely homemade cards that are very precious!

Its nice to know that some share the same thoughts, I wont let hostility take up any energy of my life, you carnt change people and unfortunately you carnt make someone have emotions or guilt because if they had these they would never leave their children without money or contact.

As for my OH...bless he doesnt deserve whats happened to him, his ex never encouraged them to have a good relationship, they were never allowed to fone him b/days f/days, if he ever foned them he was told they were not in, only to find that they were because they told us, sometimes on contact days we would never know how many were coming because some would be somewhere else we would never be told in advance, they were taught to lie and if one slipped up the other two would go into panic, they were never allowed to bring change of clothes, pjs or any of their personal property ie toys, whereas my son was allowed that freedom to take whatever he wanted to his dads home, he had that right to that freedom.

We have had a frustrating and emotional couple of years and just reading over this makes me feel happy and sad and they are not even my children, if they can do what they have done to their dad then what chance have I got of any recognition.

Its times like this that I realise how well I have brought my son up, from the age of ten and with his pocket money he has always bought gifts on fathers day, mothers day, birthdays, christmas for his dads wife and my partner, I did make sure that he spent more on me than his dads wife lol :rotfl::rotfl: am nice but not that nice, I would of wrote to the news of the world if he would of spent more on step-mum :rotfl: and then kicked his arss

chriszzz

SingleSue wrote: »

My boys were refusing to spend out on a Fathers Day card or present for their father, I couldn't bear the thought of him not having anything on Fathers Day as he is their father after all, despite his actions, so bought something on their behalf and got it sent up.

Middle son completely refused to sign the card and said he would never speak to me again if I signed it for him (middle son was ex hubbies favourite and was a real dad's boy), so I got eldest to fill the card in while the other two were at school and sign it from all of them...middle son would go ballistic if he found out.

It does make a nice change on here to hear the other side of parents, rather than fighting for money.

I have always adopted the attitude to never interfere with access, I also would not make my son do something he doesnt want to, I see it that he has his own mind he can make his own choices and we shouldnt force them but we can gently give them a nudge so to speak, I think it depends on their age, my son is coming up to 19 and if he decided he didnt want anything to do with his dad, I would gently remind him of all the good thing dad has done and leave it there and hope he resolves his issue with his dad.

SingleSue

Mine are 12, 13 and 16...but the two younger ones have autism so their emotional ages are much lower.

I do remind the boys of the fun times we had when hubby was around and how chuffed he was when they were born but they tend to focus more on the recent times and his inability to want to see them on a regular basis.

chriszzz

SingleSue wrote: »

Mine are 12, 13 and 16...but the two younger ones have autism so their emotional ages are much lower.

I do remind the boys of the fun times we had when hubby was around and how chuffed he was when they were born but they tend to focus more on the recent times and his inability to want to see them on a regular basis.

Hi SingleSue,

I just want to say what a wonderful mum you are :A You have a fantastic attitude :T

Its awful when parents hinder their childrens development to feel loved.

The boys will focus on the here and now, the, there and then will fade away leaving less memories, they will make their own minds up on their dad, we can only support our children to help them make the right choice.

Am sure it can be hard for you at times but you should never forget the good job you are doing raising your boys and with your good positive attitude :T

Soubrette

Well done SingleSue - like you I have a child who wants little to do with her Dad, although things have improved slightly from no contact to a very small amount of contact.

I do not see this lack of contact as a good thing and I have tried my hardest to make her see that like all people her Dad is a mixture of good/bad, irritating and wonderful.

I do not think much of my ex and I can see where she is coming from - his behaviour was making her dread her weekends with him and it seemed easier for her just to break contact. However, this lack of relationship is to her detriment.

I reminded both girls that it was Father's Day, encouraged them both to get presents and a card and made sure it was ready for him in time. The ex never bothers reciprocating this courtesy, their step dad fulfils this role.

I do not particularly care for him but their relationship is never something I would gloat about, because her relationship with him is important and she will be the better person if she a) recognises that we all make mistakes and b) appreciates the good about him.

Sou

marshmallows

Apples2 wrote: »

Hi chaps, I think the title pretty much covers it.

Youngest lives with ex

Eldest lives with me.

Seems bizarre to pay maintenance, surely ex would have to pay me maintenance too.

well you could both claim maintenance from each other via CSA as long as you are in receipt of child benefit for the eldest and your ex is in receipt of the youngests. Might be much easier if you come to a mutual agreement and if both households have similar income then claiming against each other may be a total waste of time