Travelling Mums

Blue_Monkey

I'm afraid I don't have anything useful to add, but it sounds like your situation will be fairly similar to mine; I'm the main breadwinner and have a greater future earning potential than my OH. I work for a company that values flexible working and am pretty sure that I could work PT if and when it comes to it. However, that still means missing out on a substantial chunk of cash; couple that with the fact that we're living in Oz at the mo where I'd get 6 weeks 100% and 6 weeks 50% then 40 weeks unpaid maternity leave and the fact that we have no close friends of family to help out with childcare, the thought of having a baby is pretty daunting financially. Specially when we've spent the past couple of years (and now) trying to save for a deposit on a house. Feels like we might never get there...

But - people do it on far less and are happy, so I need to keep that thought in mind really I guess.

Good luck OP, will be interesting to hear how you get on. I have always expected to be a working mum and travel is an integral part of my job too. It feels like my friends are all settling with men who are the main bread-winner so I feel quite alone in this actually. It's difficult to "nag" OH into earning more because he loves his job and I'd rather he be happy in his work than not and earning more. Perhaps there is a middle ground somewhere. Whilst we're a modern-ish couple, I still have some old fashioned values and would want to be the primary care-giver for our children, initially at least. Getting back to your original point, I like to think now that I could cope with spending time away from the kids for work and it seems that more than anything it's the parents who feel it more negatively than the children as someone else posted. My mum worked from when we were quite little, and I know she says it was one of the hardest decisions she ever made and that she feels like she may have missed out on the odd thing, but I can hand on heart say that I don't feel disadvantaged or sad that she wasn't at home more. It's not in her nature to be a SAHM so I'm glad she did what suited her, but also know she did it for our own good too (to create a financially stable home). It also meant that she had her own life/career still when us kids started to flee the nest.

Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Laura81

Wow - thanks, these replies are really helpful. I think that whilst I don't have a choice of working full time or not, I'm happy that we can afford (just about) for my partner to go part time when we have children.

I really hadn't thought about how it would effect my relationship (beyong the usual concerns) but I think this is actually very important. We're talking about starting to try in 2 years or so and I'll definitely discuss this element with him further before we do. I think the element of him being there and not me will be difficult for me, but there is nothing to be done, I either put up or no kids, we couldn't afford them. I think if I'm honest from the start then we'll hopefully be able to discuss our feelings openly and deal with them together (how niaive do I sound!). We're pretty solid and he's an understanding chap so I'm sure he'll be supportive.

My company isn't flexible in the least, but I do get pretty good maternity (they just won't bend when you come back) and I have a lot of holiday. Hopefully i can take off some days and we can agree they are my days with baby and daddy can go and do some kind of man thing. We'll save the weekends for family fun. And I like the tips for keeping in touch etc whilst you're away.

Thanks Guys! I'm afraid they'll be no update for a few years, but I had been REALLY stressing about this and now I feel that I can do this, that our baby won't hate me and I can make it work if I need to! :T Not knowing anyone else facing this choice made me think I was the only one (women don't normally come back from maternity leave where I work, but their husbands earn more) but now i see I'm just being paranoid!

And you're right about the judging, we all judge each other terribly and as long as my family is ok, it doesn't matter! :j

SugarSpun

I travel frequently with my job and have a ten month old daughter. She, and my husband, come with me - but I'm funded by an organisation that is required by its internal regulators to provide reasonable childcare and since I don't ask for childcare costs except when it comes to travel it's covered.

On the days when I've taken a day trip to another centre and been gone for 15+ hours it's been very weird for me knowing I'm too far away to get back quickly if anything were to happen, but at the same time I worked very hard to get where I am now and I don't want to give up the salary and the position because I miss my baby. I believe that some women need to be challenged outside their roles as mummy - if people judge ignore them. There are daddies in the same position who'll not be judged but that's just because some people haven't caught up yet.

bigmommamuppet

Quick one from me, I work FT as the main bread winner and I have to travel in my job, usually one over-nighter per month nothing major. But a few times a year I have to do extensive travel to remote places where I can't always get easy contact. When DS was 2 I had to go to Africa for 2 weeks, DH and grannies looked after him and he was fine. Last year I went to OZ & NZ for another 2 weeks and DS1 & 2 (now 7 & 4) were fine about it, again granny helped DH a bit.

DS1 & DS2 went into FT nusery at 7 & 4 months resp. and are happy well adjusted little boys. As long as kids have a happy stable enviroment they soon adapt to the 'norm' and if that means daddy is the one at home then they'll probably never question the set-up.

Both my boys cope very well knowing that mummy and daddy works, and it's more of a norm now a days. One thing we always do is make sure that we have 'family' time at the weekends. Also if they have events on during the week then at least one family member attends, it's usually me or DH but if we can't make it then granny takes our place even though she lives over an hour away.

pinkclouds

brians_daughter wrote: »

Sorry, but WHY would op need to consider early weaning or not bf?

She has nowhere stated (unless i have missed it) how long she plans to take off for mat leave. She is (as far as i can read) asking about when she returns to work. I only point this out as the OP obviously has no kids and will be a 1st time Mum. She maybe wondering why she could not bf, or why she would need to wean early just because when she does return from mat leave she will travel on occassion?

ETA i bf with ds2 and expressed whilst i was away to keep the flow going and just expressed at home to freeze when needed..

I totally think she should breastfeed for as long as possible, if feasible. But she says she is away for a week at a time, when she is travelling. Full respect to you if you managed to express continuously for a week at a time. I could express one small feed per day (if I had to), on an ad hoc basis, and really do not believe I could manage more.

Perhaps it's wrong to assume that no one can express continuously for that length of time. I just think it's kinder to point out in advance that (if my assumption is correct) she will need to rely on formula milk instead and that it is considered perfectly acceptable by most, so she won't feel she is... wrong to focus on her career (to the net financial benefit of her family) instead of staying at home to breastfeed for longer.

Actually, perhaps I should also clarify that by "early", I meant before 12 months. While I am still nursing two toddlers, the statistics show that (in this country, at least) I dropped into the abnormal category sometime after 6 weeks!

pinkclouds

Laura81 wrote: »

Thanks Guys! I'm afraid they'll be no update for a few years, but I had been REALLY stressing about this and now I feel that I can do this, that our baby won't hate me and I can make it work if I need to! :T Not knowing anyone else facing this choice made me think I was the only one (women don't normally come back from maternity leave where I work, but their husbands earn more) but now i see I'm just being paranoid!

And you're right about the judging, we all judge each other terribly and as long as my family is ok, it doesn't matter! :j

Absolutely! It's your family that counts - not anyone else's opinion. Your baby will love you so much because *you* are the mommy and no one else can take your place. I hope you guys have some lovely babies very soon.

bugbabe1970

Hi OP
I have 3 children. I returned to work full time when my 3rd child DD was 5 months old. I am away from home 3 nights a week. We all settled into a routine quite quickly and the children appear to accept the situation quite well. We have been lucky in many ways as my children have been cared for by my DH (who also works full time) or my mum. So no need for nurseries etc.
The only problem with the situation? Me! I missed my children terribly and really resented leaving my DD at 5 months old. I really feel that I missed out. She has a wonderful relationship with her father and they are so close, which of course is wonderful, but at times I resent the closeness and feel left out. If I am at home on a night when I am usually at work, she is dissapointed as she doesn't get to sleep with daddy!!! I missed a lot of her "firsts". First steps, first word etc and i will never get that back.

There are tough choices to make when having children and juggling work, and as an earlier poster said, the ideas you have in your head are often quite different to the reality when you have your baby.

Good luck