Dealing with Independent Safeguarding Authority - HELP NEEDED

pigpen

I'd have locked the McCanns up and thrown away the key! My uncles 2 children were taken into care when he was out and their mother was asleep and 'unrousable', she was in the house with them!! .. What makes you think it is ok to keep the children?

I used to go to my friends house whn she worked nights and look after her little one so she could get a few hours sleep at least.. we'd sit and play in their house so mum was there on the off chance something might happen.. like the child become ill or something.

I think both you, OP, and you wife are VERY misguided in thinking this is something that is in the past and should be forgotten about.. it isn't in the past at all. Surely childcare would be provided at the place your wife went to?

If I had not been in the house when my children woke up they would have been inconsolable.. your daughter was sitting playing.. this to me indicates it is a recurrent situation.. how many more times has she spent hours and hours alone in the house? Go ask your sons how often they have been left to look after their sister while mum pops out..

Your wife is a danger to your children and if you cannot see that you are just as guilty as she is. The number of 'what if's' are countless.. Her behaviour and your attitude towards her behaviour are inexcusable.

This might seem a bizarre question.. but are you both from this country? I know in other cultures it is seen as acceptable to leave small children to occupy themselves and if this is the case then I can partly see why you think it is an over reaction to something which would be 'normal' to you, but that doesn't make it ok.

Your wife needs legal representation and to be thankful you haven't left her and that your children are not with a foster carer right now.. in fact if they had spare places they probably would be!!

Molly41

I also wondered if they were from this country also as its having an understanding of the culture.

ali-t

pigpen wrote: »

This might seem a bizarre question.. but are you both from this country? I know in other cultures it is seen as acceptable to leave small children to occupy themselves and if this is the case then I can partly see why you think it is an over reaction to something which would be 'normal' to you, but that doesn't make it ok.

that's an interesting point pigpen and I know of many Eastern European families who would regularly leave their children while they went out to work. The houses are 'child proofed' as much as possible and the families have done what they can to minimise the risk while they go out and work to support their families rather than claiming benefits.

I think your last sentence should end 'but that doesn't make it ok as far as I am concerned'. As I pointed out in a previous post it is a fine line whether it is legally wrong to leave the children and ethics and morals are personal and subjective so it is purely your opinion that it is wrong.

I am not trying to be picky but this is not a clear cut case where charges will stick or children will be removed.

FWIW I am in agreement with the majority of posters that it was the wrong thing to do and the OP is lucky no harm ever came to his children.

pigpen

in the sense.. just because it is an ok thought wherever the parents grew up doesn't mean it is ok here .. the sentence itself isn't about my opinion at all so what my concerns are is irreleveant, it is about the legalities here as oppose to other parts of the world.. so the ending of my sentence is quite correct.

esmy

Ali-t, the OPs wife has already accepted a caution for an offence of willful neglect, so there are no more charges, as far as we know from the OPs post - just because the law isn't specific about age in leaving children alone does not mean that an offence wasn't committed here. It's not OK to leave a 2 yr old alone, and that isn't just personal opinion....

peachyprice

pigpen wrote: »

If I had not been in the house when my children woke up they would have been inconsolable.. your daughter was sitting playing.. this to me indicates it is a recurrent situation.. how many more times has she spent hours and hours alone in the house? Go ask your sons how often they have been left to look after their sister while mum pops out..

Yes, this crossed my mind too. My dd, at the age of 2, and even now at the age of 8, would have been absolutely distraught if she'd found herself all alone.

Spendless

I also wondered about the time span concerned. The older 2 are at school, so presumably this was before they got home? The OP says his wife was out 3 hours which if we say that was 12-3 leaves her coming in from work at 7 and back out at 12 for the course and having to sleep within those times.

Part of me wants to think this thread is a wind up -and I too have wondered if it's someone from another country/culture- though you can certainly get totally irresponsible British parents.;) Whilst how old you leave a child is subjective, I've never taken mine to the loos for example and mine are allowed to do things that others aren't and likewise not allowed to do things their peers are, but a 2 year old left alone is def a no, no.

Giving it the benefit of doubt that this thread is real, why would you want your wife off any list? SavvySue has already pointed out areas where this 'matters' presumably your wife isn't wishing to work in these areas? Also have you sorted out appropriate childcare now? If you wife is working evenings you need your younger one to be with someone the following day whilst she sleeps and you are at work.

blabberwort

Just being reading the replies as I too wasnt sure if this was a wind up, though sadly I doubt it.

While my opinion still stands I would suggest that you both enrol in a parenting course. This isnt said sarcastically but instead with the intent to help. I still am amazed that none of your children are in care, but as they are at home I genuinely think a parenting course is the best thing you as a couple can do for your children.

I dont think she should come of the register certainly for a long time anyway, and then only if she can prove beyond doubt that she has changed and is aware of dangers and neglect of vulnerable people.

Regarding your point however about you prefering your children to be cared for by your wife, im dont see how you can justify that comment. No one wants children taken into care but sometimes believe it or not that is the safest place for them. By not accepting that your wife is not an ideal person to be around even her own children I have to wonder on your parenting skills if you seriously believe that she hasnt done this before and wont do it again without some sort of guidance/watchfulness on her behaviour.

sp1987

Two is surely the worst age to leave a child (even in a separate room) as they are old enough to cause themselves problems (eating dangerous things, falling, etc) yet too young to understand any sort of danger. I know for a fact the confidence in putting my 5 month old in his cot to sleep and being able to check on him periodically when I pass of an evening until we go to bed (same room) will be lost soon enough when he is able to sit up/walk/climb. I'm bad enough dragging his swing into the bathroom with me so I can have a bath that lasts longer than 5 minutes.

If this story is true, the mother must surely be ill?? Surely nobody would have three children they didn't want to care properly for unless they were unbalanced in some way?? Post natal depression?? Or perhaps I'm just being hopeful.

thorsoak

There has been something bothering me about this thread every time I read it - and I've just realised what it is.

Kaymensah - in your very first post you say The police phoned me at my office and I rushed back home.

Who gave them your telephone number?