Dealing with Independent Safeguarding Authority - HELP NEEDED

blabberwort

kaymensah wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments. I can understand the strength of feeling that some of you have but also surprised how quick some of you are to judge. Special thanks to Snuggles, ali-T and RAS for your advice.

I think people are quick to judge because as yet you have not given one reasonable excuse for her behaviour. If she had a breakdown of some kind or something which made her act so out of the ordinary people may have been more understanding to a degree. Also add to that the fact that you yourself said you didnt realise the situation was so serious makes me wonder how you can justify having children at all.

I actually think it's irresponsible of social services to not have removed your children quite frankly because with attitudes like yours and your wifes I highly doubt that you are responsible parents. Heck no-one is given a book on being the perfect parent but we learn or have a natural instinct. Leaving a young child on their own is one of those instincts. You dont do it under any circumstances unless your mentally not aware your doing it through illness. Had a person been this ill anyway I would expect the partner to have all eventualities covered regardless. So theres really no excuse imo.

Savvy_Sue

of course, this only 'matters' if your wife ever wants to work or volunteer with children or vulnerable adults, although being barred or not being on the ISA register could seriously affect her employment prospects, eg work in hospitals and local authorities will be pretty much out of the question.

And there are a few of us who feel that anyone who leaves a 2 year old on their own for 3 hours, who may even have done this more than once, probably isn't a fit person for such work.

You might, with a solicitor's help, be able to get her off the barred lists, but not unless you can offer some kind of explanation, and some insight into the fact that this was a really really dumb thing to do ...

bestpud

I realise it can be better to stick to the main facts when you need advice but I'm amazed how you refer to this like it's nothing out of the ordinary!

How can you be so blas! about this?

Sorry but I hope she never does work with children - what if she decides to take up childminding at some point? I certainly wouldn't want to leave my child in her care!!!

But anyway, I guess she needs to explain why she did it and 'prove' she did not deliberately neglect her child on a regular basis.

Given it was a course and you have no childcare in place, I have no idea how you can do this!

As for the future, I guess she needs to show she has learnt her lesson but that doesn't seem to be the case from your post!

I can't believe it has taken this letter to make you realise how serious this was!

Bitsy_Beans

kaymensah wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments. I can understand the strength of feeling that some of you have but also surprised how quick some of you are to judge. Special thanks to Snuggles, ali-T and RAS for your advice.

With all due respect how on earth do you think people are going to react when they hear how your wife left a 2 year old (sleeping or otherwise) to go to a part time course :eek::eek:

Can you not imagine what might have happened - your child could have been sleeping, vomited and then choked. An electrical fire could have started and your child is trapped in the house alone.
Not to mention how distressing it must be to wake up and realise you are at home all alone. It makes me sick to the stomach to think of any child in that situation.

2 year olds have no concept of danger and it beggars belief that you and your wife seem to be incredibly blase about all this and cannot see the danger in what she's done. Given this I can't in all honesty see how your wife is going to convince anyone that she deserves to be removed from the list.

shelley_crow

OP I am mystified by your attitude. Why should she be taken off the Vetting and Barring list when it is serving the exact purpose it was set up for? If your wife is not responsible enough to understand the possible ramifications of leaving her own two year old child home alone then she should not be allowed access in a working capacity to other vulnerable people.

Your daughter was extremely fortunate that nothing happened to her while your wife was swanning around doing her own thing, at least the delivery man felt socially responsible enough to alert the authorities and thank god he did.

If I was you, I'd want to know what else she was getting up to while my children were in her care. Surely, if she will leave a two year old alone for two hours, if your sons are home to "babysit" she could go out for the whole day alone? I shouldn't even joke, I find it too horrifying.

Molly41

Wow cant quite believe that this thread is for real:eek: Im not happy leaving my 14 year old for very long and he has three older siblings to look out for him. The reason is that he feels really insecure if left for long periods so goodness only knows how that little girl felt. I had midwife friends who would leave their teenagers overnight whilst doing a shift. Again I could not personally do it because I dont feel that they were mature enough to react if there was an emergency.

As already stated the law regarding leaving children is not clearcut. It relies on the parents common sense and good parenting skills.

kaymensah

I do not condone what my wife did and I think I should have made that clear enough in my post. She herself accepted that she was in the wrong and admitted that to the police. When I said that I now realise how serious this is, it wasn't in relation to the act in question, but rather, not having known anything about the barring system at that time, I thought that the caution was enough.

I accept the legal system's response to this one regrettable act of stupidity, but if going forward, I have to choose between the state or anyone for that matter and my wife to provide total care for my children, I know who will get my vote.

thorsoak

Sadly, all too often one reads about tragedies in families - when children have been left for a short time asleep - and the child has woken and an accident has occurred. It only takes a few minutes.

msb5262

kaymensah wrote: »

I do not condone what my wife did and I think I should have made that clear enough in my post. She herself accepted that she was in the wrong and admitted that to the police. When I said that I now realise how serious this is, it wasn't in relation to the act in question, but rather, not having known anything about the barring system at that time, I thought that the caution was enough.

I accept the legal system's response to this one regrettable act of stupidity, but if going forward, I have to choose between the state or anyone for that matter and my wife to provide total care for my children, I know who will get my vote.

Be that as it may - can you really justify trying to prevent your wife being barred from positions of responsibility in the future? I can't see how.
MsB

bestpud

kaymensah wrote: »

I do not condone what my wife did and I think I should have made that clear enough in my post. She herself accepted that she was in the wrong and admitted that to the police. When I said that I now realise how serious this is, it wasn't in relation to the act in question, but rather, not having known anything about the barring system at that time, I thought that the caution was enough.

I accept the legal system's response to this one regrettable act of stupidity, but if going forward, I have to choose between the state or anyone for that matter and my wife to provide total care for my children, I know who will get my vote.

If it was a one off incident and happened as a result of an unforseen emergency then I'd get your point.

However this was planned and would predumably have happened again had she got away with it, if indeed it was the first time.

I simply cannot understand how anyone with half a brain cell or more could decide it was a safe thing to do! We are talking about three hours at least, because the counter presumably started ticking when the delivery driver raised the alarm. And she signed up for the course knowing she had no childcare!

But yes, she is probably a better carer than the state but still, I wouldn't want her to be in charge of my child!