Benefit Advice please

tonysbt

Deleted by poster.

Prinzessilein

I have ASD and am an elective mute with most people. (That is, although I can physically speak, and do talk to people like my wonderful mum, I cannot/will not speak to other people).

To get benefits then the authorities will probably want to at least see your son - although you can go with him.

For benefit purposes - I get Incapacity, Disability Living Allowance and Income Support - I have an 'appointed person', in my case my mother, who speaks on my behalf. Sometimes I am required to go with her, but can sit in silence; other times I just have to provide a written authorisation that mum is permitted to act on my behalf.
Often I get home visits because I have long periods when I am housebound, and also the JC+ freaks me out!

Going to the GP/Specialist is more complicated. I am lucky that I trust my mother implicitly and can tell her what is wrong with me. She accompanies me to the GP and talks to him - he is understanding and asks me simple yes/no questions to which I can usually indicate an answer. Or I can write a note and hand it to him! Mum also comes to my Specialist with me, even though I have started speaking - albeit briefly! - to him.
Would your son speak to a different GP? Or could a home GP visit be arranged? I think a diagnosis and possible treatment would help bith you and your son.

LindsayO

right now I can't leave the house for physical reasons and my GP will come to the house to see me. So GPs will make home visits and after 10 years I would have thought that it should be clear to the GP that this is what needs to happen. I would seriously consider looking into getting a new GP. Another option would be a private assessment. I know this is costly, but if you could find someone private who would come to the house for the initial assessment then this might get the ball rolling. You could ask your GP if he or she knows of anyone who would see your son at home privately

bestpud

I think you need to push for a home visit too - my GP has always said he will come out if I can't get to the surgery.

After 10 years, he isn't going to simply stroll into a surgery, whatever the original issue is/was and that should be obvious to any medical person.

I am wondering however, whether your son actually wants any help?

I'd have thought a GP would be reluctant to come out against the patient's wishes unless there was reason to believe he or someone else may come to serious harm...

Maybe your son could write a letter requesting a visit?

You are in a catch 22 situation if he refuses to get help and you refuse to force the issue.

tonysbt

Deleted by poster.

bestpud

tonysbt wrote: »

Thanks you so much for your replies - I am most grateful.

"I am wondering however, whether your son actually wants any help?"

That is a very valid point. I would say, honestly, that he is probably quite content with the way things are at the moment.
It is coming to the time when we will have to try to force things along, but I just wanted an idea of the procedures so that we can
prepare him.

Thanks again,
Tony

It's a difficult one.

I do think that may be the problem with getting a home visit so if you can get him to phone or write a letter, they may well be prepared to come out and see him.

Have you asked the GP why they are reluctant to come out?

tonysbt

Deleted by poster.

LindsayO

tony, how about checking out the mind website. They seem to have lots of practical advice regarding mental health issues and helplines you can call.
http://www.mind.org.uk/

Jowo_2

How do you feel about issuing an ultimatum, carrot and stick approach?

Namely, tell him that you worry about his lack of independence, including financial independence, and that if he wishes to continue living under your roof, he has to start contributing and must seek medical help or you have no choice other to give him notice to leave by the end of July?

Sounds harsh but wonder if there is a possibility that these two tasks with an explicit deadline might focus his mind on making these uncomfortable changes to prevent a worse one, namely that his free comfort zone will no longer be available?

By not resisting his behaviour, you've inadvertently cushioned him from the economic reality that most of the UK population have to experience. By totally supporting his anxieties, you've accidentally discouraged him from getting better and earning a living. He's basically free to indulge in his own interests and passions at the expense of yourself, answerable to no one unlike 99% of the population - GP, DWP (DSS), employer.

By the way, I'm not dismissing his illness/anxieties and their depth or your management of them so I hope this post doesn't sound too negative.

My point is that his self-diagnosis has socially excluded himself from most basic household/life activities and his dependence will continue unless you react more strongly with some incentives (or disincentives).

By getting him to a GP or into the social security system, they can look into the cause of the barriers and help remove them. By living off your largesse, he has no motivation to review his behaviour and medical condition nor change it.

dmg24

Jowo wrote: »

How do you feel about issuing an ultimatum, carrot and stick approach?

Namely, tell him that you worry about his lack of independence, including financial independence, and that if he wishes to continue living under your roof, he has to start contributing and must seek medical help or you have no choice other to give him notice to leave by the end of July?

Sounds harsh but wonder if there is a possibility that these two tasks with an explicit deadline might focus his mind on making these uncomfortable changes to prevent a worse one, namely that his free comfort zone will no longer be available?

By not resisting his behaviour, you've inadvertently cushioned him from the economic reality that most of the UK population have to experience. By totally supporting his anxieties, you've accidentally discouraged him from getting better and earning a living. He's basically free to indulge in his own interests and passions at the expense of yourself, answerable to no one unlike 99% of the population - GP, DWP (DSS), employer.

By the way, I'm not dismissing his illness/anxieties and their depth or your management of them so I hope this post doesn't sound too negative.

My point is that his self-diagnosis has socially excluded himself from most basic household/life activities and his dependence will continue unless you react more strongly with some incentives (or disincentives).

By getting him to a GP or into the social security system, they can look into the cause of the barriers and help remove them. By living off your largesse, he has no motivation to review his behaviour and medical condition nor change it.

This is an extremely dangerous approach. Trying to play psychological games with someone who appears to have significant MH issues could lead to very unpredictable (and unpleasant) results.

dmg24

tonysbt wrote: »

It's quite some time since we raised it with our GP. Things might be different now.

Do you know what the steps are - GP first, then specialist presumably, then after that?

Tony

The steps really depend on the GP. They may refer him to the Community Mental Health Team straightaway, or they may try to work with your son themselves to help with their issues.