Pre-birth money

sp1987

empik wrote: »

Thank you so much everybody for your encouraging thoughts on this difficult matter, it really is appreciated. I've never been in this situation before and just needed a bit of reassurance that it's not all about me being selfish. Perhaps there is a good chance it is mine, in which case I will provide financially from day 1, but until that time I don't see why I should be providing for things before the birth 'just because she says so' - it's just wrong for her to have that expectation just because I work in a good job.

We have absolutely no way of being on speaking terms now but I don't think I ever would want to anyway - there is just too much unpleasantness being directed at me on a daily basis, so perhaps best just to ignore until I've spoken with a solicitor. DNA test will be the sensible thing to do under any circumstances, but even this causes offence - she is adamant that the baby is mine and will in her own words start being much more unreasonable if I doubt her in this way - alll this because I won't hand over my life in the exact way she wants me to. It's also been suggested that I personally would be held responsible if she lost this child, regardless of the medical problems she has been previously diagnosed with - how can anyone reason with such people? It's impossible.

She may well be offended if she is ''sure'' it is yours (or she could be calling your bluff), but at the end of the day she should be putting her child knowing it's father and having support (in more senses than just money) from it's father above the fact she might be annoyed you doubted her integrity. I'd say asking your long term partner to DNA test your child is a bit of a mood killer, but an estranged sexual partner who openly admits they have had other encounters around the time of conception is very sensible.

If she has a problem with putting her child before her, you'll still get your test. She will have to do a DNA test if requested to get her CSA money. She certainly seems to value money very highly so a test it is.

Go to a solicitor and have a chat about your options early on so you know what you are doing and start saving 15% of your salary a month to get used to the loss if it is your child. It will help towards any arrears you accrue and any legal costs you face. If you do not need it if the child is not yours, go on a nice holiday.

Mojisola

empik - when I read these comments -

A few weeks after it ended I was told by my ex that (seemingly against all medical odds) she was pregnant with my child.

I am also concerned to have found out that she had a sexual relationship with someone before and immediately after our short relationship

it's also been suggested that I personally would be held responsible if she lost this child, regardless of the medical problems she has been previously diagnosed with

am I being too cynical in thinking that she may not be pregnant at all but knows that you are a good guy and thought you could be blackmailed into handing money over?

She is really bad news, whether she's pregnant or not. Try to keep communication in a written form - letters, texts or emails or record any phone calls from her. I think you really need to start defending yourself and by collecting all this stuff you will have made a start.

If she really is pregnant with your child, you will have at least eighteen years linked with this woman! Start collecting evidence of what she's like now for your own protection. If it all blows over for now, I would still keep this stuff in case she comes back at you some time in the future.

kelloggs36

I can't add to what people have said - she is being totally unreasonable! Do not do anything - tell her that once you have evidence that the baby is yours then you are quite happy to pay maintenance, at the set rate as fixed in law - nothing more, nothing less. You will have to go to court to have set contact arrangements and that will cost money, so be ready to fight to see your child as the child has a right to have both parents in its life. I feel for you, but be strong, and make sure that you have the 100% truth before taking any action.

Googlewhacker

Sounds a shocker mate stand your ground, do everything you need to above board, get your parental rights and tell her to go do one

when_will_it_end

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am I being too cynical in thinking that she may not be pregnant at all but knows that you are a good guy and thought you could be blackmailed into handing money over?



these were also my thoughts

empik

Again I can't thank you enough for your encouraging comments. Since last writing on here it has come to light that she had yet another relationship, this time I know for sure took place when we were together - this time with her lodger who was kicked out by his wife for apparently 'not spending enough time at home with her'. The real reason as I found out recently was because his wife found out about him spending the whole night with her following a funeral of a mutual friend. Great role model for this child.

Of course, if it is mine then it is a given that money will be paid by me, but ONLY following DNA result. Still being asked for money in advance of the birth but to be honest only a fool would give in to such demands bordering on blackmail.

Nightmare woman, nightmare situation.

curlytop12

not an expert at all,just a mum myself. what a disgusting woman.like others have said,have NO contact with her at all,presume she has your tel number if she is still asking for money?don't ever answer until baby is born and there is proof it is yours.people like this have a habit of twisting and changing what you have actually said,so its best to say nothing.
good luck,and learn from this please (contraception)

Mips

He has low sperm count? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

At least she didn't go one better, and say he'd had the snip


And she wants to move in with you before the birth and after... (with her other kids too?) - you do know this is to rope you into all the night feeding?

Clever lady you got yourself involved with.

Tell her to kiss your @rse and come back when she has a DNA test stating the baby is yours. Until then you can't possibly be held accountable when she has been sleeping with other blokes!

empik

Dear All

Well the plot thickens - I haven't had any direct contact whatsoever with this woman since June, and nor do I intend doing so ever. But I do know quite a lot of mutual acquaintances who occasionally provide some interesting facts surrounding the time before, during and after this unfortunate relationship...for example:

1. the lodger who she was putting up immediately before we were together apparently was living there because his wife was seemingly fed up of him being out at the weekend 'with his mates', so kicked him out because of this. At the time the reason I was given by my then girlfriend when I asked, was that she didn't know for sure why he'd been kicked out (despite being life long friends) and didn't like to ask him 'personal questions about his own business'. Turns out that the real reason was HER.. because he was spending nights with her (intimately) and his wife found out, hence the real reason why he was kicked out of the marital home.

2. The lodger in question is now her live in boyfriend, and has been since about June.

3. Found out only last night that he is apparently now going round openly telling people that HE is in fact the baby's father. Call me a cynic but if I was going out with someone knowing that she was carrying someone else's child, then (a) I wouldn't want to be involved that way because of the emotional problems this would cause me, and (b) there would be absolutely NO reason why I would ever claim to be the father of someone else's child, unless I actually knew 100% that I was the child's father. Despite the ex's protestations that I am the father to be, it seems very, very strange that her boyfriend is saying such things, especially as my ex/his now partner was so adamant that I and I alone am responsible for the pregnancy. Absolutely unbelievable.

4. It also explains to some extent why she was so very keen to be with me so soon after the lodger came onto the scene - perhaps because if I slept with her it would give her the excuse she needed to cover her tracks, although this could be mere speculation on my part. Needless to say, I'm taking the future birth date very, very seriously.

5. The threat of her being much more unreasonable to me if I ask for a DNA test now becomes much clearer, given the above - maybe her dissuasion from me doing the obvious thing by suggesting a DNA test would cause problems for her if the truth were to come out.

6. She even lied about the 2 children (now grown up) she had with her ex-husband - these were apparently conceived by two other men. The third was through an extra marital relationship (one night stand, apparently), the fourth again from a very short relationship with someone else, and now it's the 5th child by the 5th man. Some going huh....anyone see a pattern emerging here?

Blackmail, attempted extortion, attempting to obtain money by false pretences - incidentally all of which were unsuccessful - I'm sure the courts wouldn't look too kindly upon this.

She is an absolute, utter disgrace to decent women everywhere, which thankfully are still the majority.

Shermanator123

Shocking!!! I cant believe im going to say this but........ You poor man I really hope your not the father of this child having to put up with a mother like that, all the best to you I really hope it all works out for you.