newly single, 2 kids and facing up to debt alone!

[Deleted User]

Hi all,

Well I am new to this website having been recommended by a friend that I take a look. Hope I am posting this in the right place!

My current situation is that my relationship broke down completely a week ago and am now left to pay all the bills and support my 2 young children alone. My ex and I had run up a large amount of debt together on various credit cards, loan and catalogues. My first stupid mistake was taking this most of this out in my name even though he was the primary wage earner. As he has gone he is now of the view that it's in my name it's my problem even though it was spent on things for all of us and our home.

Anyway we have never missed any payments and were always able to manage but now that I am on my own I know straight away that I will not be able to meet all the payments. So I have worked out exactly what I have coming in each month and the somewhat scary step of working out all of our debts. We owe a total of just over £26,000, can't believe I am typing that!

I have already got in touch with CCCS and have been advised to take out a DMP. I guess what I am asking for is peoples experience of getting and living with one of these. The finances that I would be left with each month are ok so that isn't a major concern, my biggest concern at the moment is what happens if my creditiors don't agree to the DMP and what if I am constantly getting hassled by them for payments that I simply cannot make. I feel sick just thinking about it; as much as I know that it is something that I have to do, it scares the hell out of me! Especially when I am dealing with mine and my childrens emotions from a still very new separation.

I know it's a long post so thank you if you are still reading and any advice will be gratefully received!

Bunnyinthelights

Welcome, and well done for posting.

I have been on a DMP with CCCS for 4 years now, my debt was double that in my name alone. I am slowly paying it off. Good luck, you will get all the support from the people here.

pure_dead_dopey

Hi Shootingstar

We'have a DMP with way more debt than you and out of 22 creditors, 20 have ceased and frozen interest, 1 has rediuced interest and the other did cease but is messing around. In all I've had about 10 phonecalls, no one was horrible, a bit thick, but polite.

It was the best thing we ever did as we couldn't have possibly kept up the payments on our debt.

It can be a bit of a rollercoaster, but it does settle down and get easier. Loads of support on here, and wonderful people to help, no one will criticise and most are in the same boat.

Good luck and keep posting

PDDxx

Happytogetdebtfree

Hi shooting star welcome to the boards... first things first nice of oh to take that appraoch what a (insert appropriate words)... id be claiming csa against him you will need some support cheeky git ! dont worry im sure in a few weeks it will all seem much brighter once the dmp starts rolling you will feel okay im not on a dmp but i wish you all the best xx

Wee_Jo

Hi Shootingstar :hello:

Welcome to the boards and well done on posting here - you will find lots of help and advice from very friendly (and knowledgeable) people.

I can't give you any advice on a DMP, but I can offer you support and any experience I have on ways to save money to free up more to clear off debt and look after you and your lovely kiddiewinkles.

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship breaking up, it must be very hard for you at the moment to be dealing with that, money problems and trying to put a brave face on it for your children. So think of this as your place to come to when you need a bit of a moan, support, advice or (as is often the case) a bit of a laugh.

Anyway, just thought I'd say hello and welcome.

Jo

josiebabie

Hi shooting star
Not on a DMP either but didn't want to read and run. I am also going through a break up leaving me with a 2yr old DD, also my brother who has been a huge support with her has moved 70 miles away, and my mother has just started a new job!

Just wanted to say hi and offer any support I can, PM me if you wanna talk
Jx

AnnieG

Hi
I'm on a DMP - have been for 4 and a half years now, and have had no problems whatsoever. It's hard work on your own, but definately do-able, and there's a great network of support here, you don't need to feel that you're on your own.
The best thing to do is do a proper SOA so you know exactly where you are and what you can afford to spend on what.
Good luck... as the other poster said, PM me if you'd like to chat :-)

johncarlton

shootingstar81 wrote: »

Hi all,

Well I am new to this website having been recommended by a friend that I take a look. Hope I am posting this in the right place!

My current situation is that my relationship broke down completely a week ago and am now left to pay all the bills and support my 2 young children alone. My ex and I had run up a large amount of debt together on various credit cards, loan and catalogues. My first stupid mistake was taking this most of this out in my name even though he was the primary wage earner. As he has gone he is now of the view that it's in my name it's my problem even though it was spent on things for all of us and our home.

Anyway we have never missed any payments and were always able to manage but now that I am on my own I know straight away that I will not be able to meet all the payments. So I have worked out exactly what I have coming in each month and the somewhat scary step of working out all of our debts. We owe a total of just over £26,000, can't believe I am typing that!

I have already got in touch with CCCS and have been advised to take out a DMP. I guess what I am asking for is peoples experience of getting and living with one of these. The finances that I would be left with each month are ok so that isn't a major concern, my biggest concern at the moment is what happens if my creditiors don't agree to the DMP and what if I am constantly getting hassled by them for payments that I simply cannot make. I feel sick just thinking about it; as much as I know that it is something that I have to do, it scares the hell out of me! Especially when I am dealing with mine and my childrens emotions from a still very new separation.

I know it's a long post so thank you if you are still reading and any advice will be gratefully received!

Theres thousands of people facing the same situation as you each day - You are never alone! Take comfort in the fact theres a lot of good people on this forum who really care and will give support throughout your journey to becoming debt free.:)

[Deleted User]

Thank you everyone for your replies, makes me feel a bit better! Guess I'm just feeling a little more sensitive and emotional than normal at the moment so everything is stressing me out more! Plus I keep researching on the internet and coming across people's horror stories, where despite being on a DMP still end up going through court proceedings which is freaking me out to say the least! But I know if I look at it logically there are far more success stories than horror ones, think I just need to keep that in mind more!

Today I have arranged to open a new bank account where I have no previous history, very basic no frills type of one. I have also managed to come to arrangements with the ex over child maintenance payments, which he will be setting up a standing order for shortly. Fingers crossed that all goes smoothly! But he is well aware that he starts messing around with money for the kids I will take things down the legal route, it's one thing to leave me in a financial mess but there is no way I will let the kids suffer, don't think he would be that stupid at the moment though!

Just feel like I'm playing a bit of a waiting game now, waiting for various bits of paperwork to come through to prove my new entitlements and getting everything up together that is needed for the DMP. Think it's going to take a few weeks before that is all ready so CCCS can start the process officially. Hoping that I will feel a bit better once things are actually in motion, I know I'll some unpleasant phone calls and letters to deal with but am hoping in a few months I'll be in a better place financially and emotionally!

moneypenny2k

I just wanted to act as a little bit of a light at the end of the tunnel

13 years ago I was in just such a position as yourself, £20k of debts and 2 kids. Debts in my name - in fact I'd been such a fool as to mortgage the house I'd inherited fully paid for and I lost that too.:(

Jump forward 13 years I now own my own flat again, have 2 other properties that I let out to finance my pension and all my credit cards and outgoings are up to date. I'm not telling you this just to crow, but to show you that it is possible and you will get through it.

Best wishes and best of luck I wish I'd had this board to guide me through the maze. I'm sure you're gonna do just fine.

Wee_Jo

shootingstar81 wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your replies, makes me feel a bit better! Guess I'm just feeling a little more sensitive and emotional than normal at the moment so everything is stressing me out more! Plus I keep researching on the internet and coming across people's horror stories, where despite being on a DMP still end up going through court proceedings which is freaking me out to say the least! But I know if I look at it logically there are far more success stories than horror ones, think I just need to keep that in mind more!

Today I have arranged to open a new bank account where I have no previous history, very basic no frills type of one. I have also managed to come to arrangements with the ex over child maintenance payments, which he will be setting up a standing order for shortly. Fingers crossed that all goes smoothly! But he is well aware that he starts messing around with money for the kids I will take things down the legal route, it's one thing to leave me in a financial mess but there is no way I will let the kids suffer, don't think he would be that stupid at the moment though!

Just feel like I'm playing a bit of a waiting game now, waiting for various bits of paperwork to come through to prove my new entitlements and getting everything up together that is needed for the DMP. Think it's going to take a few weeks before that is all ready so CCCS can start the process officially. Hoping that I will feel a bit better once things are actually in motion, I know I'll some unpleasant phone calls and letters to deal with but am hoping in a few months I'll be in a better place financially and emotionally!

That's great that you're being proactive and sorting out a basic bank account. Also good news that your ex is taking responsibility (and so he should!) for maintenance payments.

There are loads of good threads here where you can see peoples' journeys from scared and emotional through to confident and happy - these are great inspiration and support! Check out MousAnn's for example (it's in 2 parts as it's v popular!):

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/....php?t=2309447
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2522471

Hope you're having a good day.

Jo