newly single, 2 kids and facing up to debt alone!

pure_dead_dopey

shootingstar81 wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your replies, makes me feel a bit better! Guess I'm just feeling a little more sensitive and emotional than normal at the moment so everything is stressing me out more! Plus I keep researching on the internet and coming across people's horror stories, where despite being on a DMP still end up going through court proceedings which is freaking me out to say the least! But I know if I look at it logically there are far more success stories than horror ones, think I just need to keep that in mind more!

Today I have arranged to open a new bank account where I have no previous history, very basic no frills type of one. I have also managed to come to arrangements with the ex over child maintenance payments, which he will be setting up a standing order for shortly. Fingers crossed that all goes smoothly! But he is well aware that he starts messing around with money for the kids I will take things down the legal route, it's one thing to leave me in a financial mess but there is no way I will let the kids suffer, don't think he would be that stupid at the moment though!

Just feel like I'm playing a bit of a waiting game now, waiting for various bits of paperwork to come through to prove my new entitlements and getting everything up together that is needed for the DMP. Think it's going to take a few weeks before that is all ready so CCCS can start the process officially. Hoping that I will feel a bit better once things are actually in motion, I know I'll some unpleasant phone calls and letters to deal with but am hoping in a few months I'll be in a better place financially and emotionally!

Hi

Glad you are feeling a bit better. A DMP can be a bit of a rollercoaster but remember that the horror stories are the ones that tend to get posted cos the peeps need help, there are thousands that jus work and paddle nicely along with no problems and pay off the debt. Hopefully that will be you!!!

Take good care of yourself and kids and keep posting.

ilovebanksMCMLXXXI

Hello.

Although no guarantee, in the current financial climate it's highly unlikely your creditors won't enter a DMP with you.

I currently have one and I owe considerably more money than you do so whilst I'm not an expert, I've been down quite a few roads with debt...... sadly!

If he was your husband I think you'll find that legally he'd struggle to take the attitude "it's in your name so is your problem" if you can show the money was spent on the items for the home and day to day family expenses - different if not married though.

That to one side, my advice would be to speak to the creditors directly to start with and see what they can do.

If you're currently up to date on your payments then you will probably find they'll be more helpful than you might expect.

Other than that, I'd agree with advice you've already had and a DMP or IVA would be routes to consider.

Remember with a DMP, if your creditors one day decide to throw their dummies out of their prams they can still put the hammer down on you and your family and start chasing. In an IVA, providing you keep to your agreement they cannot.

Not sure if that helps at all but I've been in a similar position to you so it may be a bit more info for you.

All the best

tealady

Hi
Good luck with your journey.
If you say all the debts are in your name then can you look to see if your ex left anything of his behind? If you paid for it then its yours and I for one would have no hesitation flogging it.

Wee_Jo

moneypenny2k wrote: »

I just wanted to act as a little bit of a light at the end of the tunnel

13 years ago I was in just such a position as yourself, £20k of debts and 2 kids. Debts in my name - in fact I'd been such a fool as to mortgage the house I'd inherited fully paid for and I lost that too.:(

Jump forward 13 years I now own my own flat again, have 2 other properties that I let out to finance my pension and all my credit cards and outgoings are up to date. I'm not telling you this just to crow, but to show you that it is possible and you will get through it.

Best wishes and best of luck I wish I'd had this board to guide me through the maze. I'm sure you're gonna do just fine.

Wow MoneyPenny - that is just fantastic :T and so inspiring! I suppose it's slightly off topic, but what was your Lightbulb Moment?

moneypenny2k

Jo_Rourke wrote: »

Wow MoneyPenny - that is just fantastic :T and so inspiring! I suppose it's slightly off topic, but what was your Lightbulb Moment?

I can't really remember a lightbulb moment Jo, just simply had to get on with it. I wish I'd had the support of a board like this to help me then though. I'm a do something to make it better person rather than a ostrich hiding my head in the sand. I think that made the difference.

I can't say I'm totally without debt, but my debt is within reason and being serviced in the most economically efficient way it can be. (Mainly down to a 'nice' family trashing my house last year and costing me almost £9k in repairs to make it fully habitable again. BUT I will be debt free again very soon. watch this space.

moneypenny2k

Just thought I'd check back and see how you are Shooting Star. Any progress?

dreamywings1

shootingstar81 wrote: »

I have also managed to come to arrangements with the ex over child maintenance payments, which he will be setting up a standing order for shortly. Fingers crossed that all goes smoothly! But he is well aware that he starts messing around with money for the kids I will take things down the legal route, it's one thing to leave me in a financial mess but there is no way I will let the kids suffer, don't think he would be that stupid at the moment though!

Hi shootingstar81
Didnt want to read and run. 2 years ago my now ex husband told me he had found someone else so subsequently I found myself homeless, jobless and in debt of just over £7000. My ex arranged to pay me so much per month maintenance for our 4 children which started well but soon went down hill fast as always some excuse not to pay. The CSA have been brilliant and I wish I had gone to them from the start because he wouldnt of been able to mess me around then and you knew exactly when you are getting your money and how much, which is great for working out your budget. What I am saying is if you are going into a DMP you need regularity of income...what would you do if he didnt pay you 1 month or was late in paying? All im suggesting is give the CSA a call it will be worth it in the end.

As for my debts I managed my own DMP and used the templates from this site and also from the CAB. With lots of juggling of finances, some tough no spend days, changing gas/electric suppliers and keeping a record of my spending I was able to pay off my debt in 15 months. Im not saying it easy it bloody isnt but with sheer determination you can do it.

Flog things on ebay, do the grocery challenge, its the small things that make the big things less of an issue.

Good luck on your journey there will be good and bad days and days where you just want to say f*ck it but dont give in. Come on here have a rant and someone will always come along to show you a new perspective.

loupoppins

Hi shooting star
Sorry to hear all you're going through.
We are currently on a DMP,managed by the CCCS(been on it 3 years)
It hasnt all been plain sialing, but it is certainly is better than where we were 3 years ago.
Not wanting to scare you, but 2 of our creditors did go through with CCJ's. Looking back, I could probably have avoided them if I'd had all the excellent advice there is on this on this board back then. That said, whilst obvioulsy it isn't nice to go through, and it does !!!!!! your credit rating(but since I'm never taking credit again I dont care too much LOL) a ccj actually isnt that bad.The court will look at you budget, and set the payments at a realisitic ammount. The other advantages is that it then forces creditors to freeze interest,and they cant hassle you anymore as long as you keep up the payments.
Definitely talk to CCCS and read around a lot to know what your options are and work out what will wotk best for you.
Good luck.

verystupidwithmoney

Sorry to hear of your situation. He doesn't sound much of a 'man'!

However, everyone here will help!

I am with the CCCS myself. My experience is similar to what other people have described. It's a little rollercoaster at first, sorting it all out, contacting creditors and battling with them but it gets a whole lot easier in time. All my creditors accepted my plan, stopped phone calls and letters and frozen all further interest. It's really nice to know you're getting somewhere with your debt.

If you need any advice please let us know! Good luck!

You're not alone, trust me. Some of my friends are in more debt that me but bury their head in the sand. MANY people are in debt but are too proud to admit it and bury their heads! It's extremely important to know you're not alone!

rosadee

Hi there, sorry to hear of your predicament. I know this may be a silly question as I know it is very early on in the separation, but will he not need to be making maintenace payments to you as well as for the kids? If you want you could check with a solicitor dealing in Family law. I know from experience, left with 2 kids and no money, that tif the debts are for credit cards you can make arrangements with them. You just have to ring each of them and say you are having problems with paying at the moment. this would give you at least 3 months breathing space to try and work out what your finances might be brfoe going down the route of IVAs or other agreements. the courts take into consideration how much money/debts were left when the separation happened when deciding maintenace etc.

Good luck