Planning to leave - what do I need to do?

AnnieH

I think things are coming to a head between my OH and me. I really want to leave, but don't want to do it at the drop of a hat, I need to plan what I'm going to do, how I'm going to survive with 3 kids on my own.

I know I need to open a bank account in my name, and when the time comes to leave, I will change the child benefit over to my name. I also realise that if I leave our home, I am making myself homelss so I'll probably be stuck in B+B for a while til I can get a flat or council house. I can cope with that - I was in refuge for a while a few years back.

I don't have any work, as it's a long story, but I had a job I loved, and OH joined the management committee and I gradually got shoved out. My choice ultimately to leave, but only because I couldn't stand it there any more. I haven't had a job since, partly because OH is in such a foul mood all the time I'm reluctant to leave my children (2 of which are not his) with him, as they can never seem to do anything right.

Is it better to get a job now, or will I get more help to find work once I'm a single parent?

What are the fine details I need to arrange? I was thinking maybe after Chrsitmas to actually leave, I want it all planned out beforehand, so I'm prepared for it.

Thanks,
(miserable) AnnieH

moggins

I'd get a job now as there is a lot more you can claim if you are working enough hours to get WTC.

Also it would give you the chance to save for a rent deposit on a house and then claim Housing benefit.

Good luck hun, I left with £800 in my purse and 2 kids and we made it

car25

Register on the council housing list now, using a friends address for correspondence. You can always update your application details with the Council once you have gone. If I were you I would also seek advice from Shelter.

The very best of luck to you.

krisskross

With 3 children I think you need to have somewhere to go before you leave. Are you going to be staying with friends or relatives at first?

Will you have money so you can rent privately and manage to pay the rent until HB is sorted out?

Lots to think about, I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out for you.

shellsuit

Anniem are there any friends or family that you could shack up with the kids, as then you would be classed as overcrowded and get a council place/HA sooner. Or is the house mortgaged in his name? You can go to the council and put your name down and let them know you have seperated so you need your own place for you and the kids.

If you don't work now, I would look at getting back to work once you are on your own 2 feet again (in a home of your own) if you don't feel you can leave the kids with him whilst you work.

Are you still 'together' or not? I'm sure you can still claim certain benefits even if you are still living under the same roof but living seperate lives - this would be easier though if he knows what you are intending to do which I'm not sure he does from your OP.

Good Luck with it all xxxx

black-saturn

I don't know if you are fleeing from an abusive relationship or not but if you an prove that your OH has been abusive (i.e. it has been reported to the police) you will go nearer the top of the list for housing.

Here are some other guidelines about leaving:

Have some money saved incase you need to use a taxi or bus
If you don't have a mobile find somewhere you can quickly and safely use a phone
Take important documents with you such as your marriage and birth certificate, any court orders, passport, benefit and bank books and health records
Have a small bag packed with an extra set of keys for the house and car should you need to leave in an emergency
Take essential medicines you and your children may need
Leave when it is safe to do so
If you discover you have left something essential behind you can always ask for a Police escort so you can return for it

AnnieH

Thanks.

I am not fleeing domestic violence. I went down that route with my girls' father. Yes, we're still "together" and I haven't spoken of my wishes to hubby, as he doesn't "do" talking.

He has been suffering from depression for about a year and a half now and i realised today that it is a year ago this week that I took him down to the dr to try and help him. I tried really hard last year to help him and keep the family together - be strong for everyone. Hard enough especially with a new baby. Well last Christmas I nearly cracked.
Hubby stopped taking his anti-depressants in January cos he felt better (duh!) but immediately became sullen and moody once again and refuses to go back for more. He won't talk to me and says we don't need counselling. We have had his kids with us all summer, (they live abroad) and they are up all hours of the day and night - I have to look after them while he's at work when they're tired and stroppy. I don't get a minute to myself - except tonight when he's taken my girls and his 2 kids out and I'm left at home with the baby (again). I can't ever try and talk to him cos either his kids are about, or he denys anythings wrong.

I can't take any more. I've had enough. He moans that he has to do everything. By everything he means that he's the only one working, but I stay at home, looka fter his kids, make sure they're fed, clothed and clean. What more can I do?

Sorry - rant over

janb5

Hi,

Sorry to hear you`re having a horrible time.

When you do go,remember to tell your children`s schools of the current situation and that your new address is confidential. Some GPpractices have their own CAB advice sessions and it may be worth finding out so that you can update on benefits etc. HTH.

inkie

Try cutting back on household expenditure - i.e. having a dry run for when you are potnetially on less income, so that you will know that it will be manageable. Also, the money that will be saved can be stashed away in the account in your name that you will be opening.

ailuro2

try to start building a secret stash of money where he definitely won't find it.

Money will always buy a lot in case of emergencies, as will having photocopies of current bank statements, marriage certificates etc.

Make sure the kids shoes are new,their clothes are on the big side so you don't have to buy new ones for a while.

Best of luck, sounds a shame to part if it is only his depression-can no-one else talk to him to make him see he risks losing his family over not going to the doctor?

Prudent

Annie - I just want to send you a hug. I have to get ready for work just now, but will post a longer reply later. I do hope your day is bearable.