DMP Mutual Support Thread - Part 7

Hopelessly_Hopeful

BlushingRose wrote: »

Still feeling low and weepy about the whole thing - hoping thoughts will get lighter soon.

We hadn't been chased for debts before we started the DMP, had managed, just, not to default on anything, so the irony is that being in a DMP might cause more, not less, trauma in the short term.

It does indeedy BR. I remember having the same issues when I started and thinking I was going to be confined to one bedroom incase of doorstep callers and worried to leave the house. the law is on your side though. They can have your money but not your life. What's the worst that can happen? You need to be specific abut your concerns so that people can help you here. For me it was doorstep callers and court action. I have had neither and would now feel well equipped to deal with it. The first few weeks were the worst then it got better and better. If I have the odd fret day I channel my energies into tidying cupboards, it's amazing what you find. I also make lists on how to save money, more frugal ideas for shopping and cooking. I put a days leave in and read the the last few DMP chapters (hundreds of pages) to see most people have experienced something we can all learn from.

Together we are stronger. So how can we help you today BR? What's your concern? I'm confident someone WILL be able to help, I promise.

HHx

Standingtall

BlushingRose wrote: »

Still feeling low and weepy about the whole thing - hoping thoughts will get lighter soon.

We hadn't been chased for debts before we started the DMP, had managed, just, not to default on anything, so the irony is that being in a DMP might cause more, not less, trauma in the short term.

Same here Blushing Rose, never missed a payment. However, I certainly would have done if not for then DMP. Still, this whole business has given me a new focus in life, especially this forum:)

I still think maybe you should pop to the doc's though BR. I suffered depression once. Apart from the obvious symptoms, such as crying and feeling down, I was also picking up imaginary specks of dust from the carpet - after hoovering, I was also scared to cross the road and also imagined everyone to be talking about me. I was on medication for 3 months, then came straight off this without any issues and have been hunky dory ever since. I have even got through all this rigmarole without a reoccurrence. So, do not be scared to seek help and watch out for yourself doing weird things as it may be a symptom of depression.

Magi74

BlushingRose wrote: »

Still feeling low and weepy about the whole thing - hoping thoughts will get lighter soon.

We hadn't been chased for debts before we started the DMP, had managed, just, not to default on anything, so the irony is that being in a DMP might cause more, not less, trauma in the short term.

That's a feeling that I suffered from as we started our DMP. Then it hit me - our SoA says that we can pay (example) £500 a month to cover the debts. If that's all we've got....that's all we've got! If that means things default along the journey....well, that was going to happen in any event. However, now it's happening with us in control of our future. We know what money is ours and we just focus on living with that amount of money.

Standingtall wrote: »

Same here Blushing Rose, never missed a payment. However, I certainly would have done if not for then DMP. Still, this whole business has given me a new focus in life, especially this forum:)

I still think maybe you should pop to the doc's though BR. I suffered depression once. Apart from the obvious symptoms, such as crying and feeling down, I was also picking up imaginary specks of dust from the carpet - after hoovering, I was also scared to cross the road and also imagined everyone to be talking about me. I was on medication for 3 months, then came straight off this without any issues and have been hunky dory ever since. I have even got through all this rigmarole without a reoccurrence. So, do not be scared to seek help and watch out for yourself doing weird things as it may be a symptom of depression.

I'm with StandingTall on this one. Everything worked just fine for us for ages - then the wheels came off and we crashed hard. The OH did go over the edge into severe depression and I barely avoided that myself. We're a lot stronger now and we're managing the inevitable hiccups along the way.

No idea where I heard it from (maybe I dreamt it! :rotfl:) but "it's the top six inches that matter" - get your head in the right place and everything else can be overcome. Stay strong with your OH and keep chatting on these boards - every problem becomes just that little bit easier with support from those that care about you.

TC

BlushingRose

Thanks so much xx

Mr BR will sometimes hug me and said 'come on..' or 'what's the matter'...or 'I just want you to be happy', all of which, rather than making me feel better, makes me feel under pressure to be happy, joyful and skip down the street, when I feel the total opposite of all those things.
I know the feelings will settle down, well I hope so anyway.
We've got about £120 left to last us until the 23rd (ish) of Jan. That does not feel like enough money at all.
I'm also worried that the car has to go in for MOT in Feb and we're doubtful that it'll pass, and then we've got the car tax to get as well *aarrghhhhhhhhh*

Standingtall

BlushingRose wrote: »

Thanks so much xx

Mr BR will sometimes hug me and said 'come on..' or 'what's the matter'...or 'I just want you to be happy', all of which, rather than making me feel better, makes me feel under pressure to be happy, joyful and skip down the street, when I feel the total opposite of all those things.
I know the feelings will settle down, well I hope so anyway.
We've got about £120 left to last us until the 23rd (ish) of Jan. That does not feel like enough money at all.
I'm also worried that the car has to go in for MOT in Feb and we're doubtful that it'll pass, and then we've got the car tax to get as well *aarrghhhhhhhhh*

What needs to come out of the £120 BR? Will petrol need to come out, food? Have all bills been accounted for?

BlushingRose

Standingtall wrote: »

What needs to come out of the £120 BR? Will petrol need to come out, food? Have all bills been accounted for?

Food (us and cats) and petrol, yes. And any hidden costs that we might not know about. That's all though, I think.

Jenjen

BlushingRose wrote: »

Still feeling low and weepy about the whole thing - hoping thoughts will get lighter soon.

We hadn't been chased for debts before we started the DMP, had managed, just, not to default on anything, so the irony is that being in a DMP might cause more, not less, trauma in the short term.

We are the same BR. This is the first time we have defaulted on anything, ever! Very scary. But at the same time I have realised it was necessary. We could not go on like we were living off credit cards that were getting dangerously close to their limits and having less available every single month to the point where in November we had less than £250 available (all on credit cards) to survive on including food and fuel. By going on the DMP which technically hasn't started yet but we didn't pay the cc bills in December we have been able to enjoy christmas and buy token gifts for everyone (although still not for each other or the kids) and eat normally and put enough fuel in the car to get by. So I am feeling fairly positive that things can only get better from here. And so far we haven't had a single phone call and not even a letter from most of our creditors. But judging by the statements they have some of them have accepted the DMP without quibble.

Good luck and here is to a better 2012 for both of us!

Bettingmad

BlushingRose wrote: »

Thanks so much xx

Mr BR will sometimes hug me and said 'come on..' or 'what's the matter'...or 'I just want you to be happy', all of which, rather than making me feel better, makes me feel under pressure to be happy, joyful and skip down the street, when I feel the total opposite of all those things.
I know the feelings will settle down, well I hope so anyway.
We've got about £120 left to last us until the 23rd (ish) of Jan. That does not feel like enough money at all.
I'm also worried that the car has to go in for MOT in Feb and we're doubtful that it'll pass, and then we've got the car tax to get as well *aarrghhhhhhhhh*

BR, your previous posts have struck a cord with me right down to the school fees. I see from your previous posts that you only contacted CCCS this month and you were looking to make your first DMP payment in January, is this right? If so I would strongly advise you to at least make a couple of token payments if not three to get you on an even keel before you start your DMP. It won't make any difference to your creditors but more than likely a world of difference to you. I made 3 myself and I didn't get any hassle for doing so.
I went through the emotions like you initially however my mind set has now totally changed. I am in control and I feel nothing but contempt for the banking sector. They see you making the minimum payments and ramp up the interest rates to screw you over. I was to proud and clung on for two years under enormous stress for fear of wrecking my credit rating. Now I couldn't give a monkeys as I will be debt free in 5-6 yrs as opposed to paying and minimum payments for 20-30yrs. Treat your DMP like a large long term loan, you will very quickly change your mindset. I wish I has sucumbed at least a year sooner than gone all that time without having a decent nights sleep through all the worry of making minimum payments.

Hopelessly_Hopeful

BlushingRose wrote: »

Food (us and cats) and petrol, yes. And any hidden costs that we might not know about. That's all though, I think.

Sounds like you need a couple of months of tokens and start dmp in March? Call CCCS in the morning. They will be able to help.

HH x

Standingtall

BlushingRose wrote: »

Food (us and cats) and petrol, yes. And any hidden costs that we might not know about. That's all though, I think.

Have you got much in your freezer / cupboards?
Can you go to parents for New Year (if you could stop over to help them celebrate that would be a couple of days meals sorted)
Cats can eat own brand dried food for a couple of weeks. I have no doubt that they will sulk, as does mine, but they won' starve - although mine has been known to pop next door!
Lots of proactive food prep; pasta with cheap tomato passatta. Soups, etc.
I would budget your petrol first then see what is left.
Are there work colleagues either of you could cadge lifts off by pretending there is a fault with the car?:eek: