Son wants to visit dad after 5 years..

jimbms

He is 15 and as such I would say old enough to make his own choices in this matter, if you try to stop him he will resent you, it may sound harsh but your feelings on this do not really come into account if he has made a choice, but in saying this he also cannot expect you to pay for it, he should get a part time job to pay some and his father the rest.

DVardysShadow

TeetersOnHeels wrote: »

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Just really after a bit of advice on how to react when DS broaches the subject - have previous for opening my mouth before engaging brain!! :cool:

"You can go with my blessing, just that I can't afford to pay for it", then go with #5

Errata

If he doesn't have the money for the fare and you don't have the money for the fare and his dad doesn't support him financially, it looks like a trip to Oz will be a non-event. It looks like a pretty black and white situation and the son needs to understand that.

TeetersOnHeels

Again, thanks for the replies.
DS having a relationship with his dad is not an issue.I've always believed DS should have a positive relationship with both of us. Albeit with the difficulty of location.It's dad who's been somewhat sparodic with contact. My worry is the timing, with exams during this next year.
From odd conversations I have with a few people I know who are still in touch with him, he is in a position to pay for the trip. Unfortunately I'm not. DS is aware that 99% of our cash is spoken for, which maybe why he's not yet mentioned that he wants to go see his dad.

BitterAndTwisted

From what you've posted Teeters it's not absolutely clear whether your son has actually been invited over to Oz by his father. If you can't afford to pay then either DS or Dad will have to pay and that's that.

Actually, even if I could afford it I doubt I'd agree to pay for it in any case: long-distance, once-in-a-lifetime trips like these are rarely made at the drop of a hat and often take more than a few months of budgeting and planning. I think Dad should pay the fare and son save up the spending-money if it's that important to the two of them.

TeetersOnHeels

Hi Bitter & Twisted,
DS's friend, the one who seems to want to go with him to Oz has apparently been in touch with DS's dad on Facebook saying him and DS had been talking about a visit. Ex has replied, saying they can come out anytime, for as long as they like, but would be better between Nov/March - their summer.
Obviously this is all 3rd hand, and may just be pie in the sky. Hopefully DS will understand that it would be a better idea to wait until his exams are out of the way.

Britwife

Maybe it would be best for your son to contact his dad and ask if he would pay for him to come over. Yes it would be nice to visit during their summer but you would only allow him to visit when your son is off. Or perhaps his dad can come stay at a hotel here for a few weeks and enjoy a visit that way.

I def. think his dad should pay for the trip. Has your ex paid any child support at all? Even if he has, you have provided most of the financial support and shouldn't be expected to pay for this trip.

I'm sure your son has lots of questions for him and must be a bit hard talking to him again. I do hope things work out between them.

TeetersOnHeels

Britwife-
Thanks.I think that's why DS wants to go with his friend. Ex used to take them both camping when they were younger (friends dad is not on the scene either)
And no, there's been no maintainence. When DS was more resident with his dad I paid a voluntary payment, without needing a court order or CSA, so there was no documentation to use as a follow up when DS's main carer changed and ex emigrated. I did think about trying to get maintainence, but I've never had ex's address, so it would've probably cost me a small fortune in legal fees.
His dad has not returned to the UK since he left, his mother, DS's grandmother visits Oz for a month a year, but she's not seen DS since he was 10, so going out there with her would'nt really be practical either.

daska

At 15 your son should be capable of understanding financial matters. Is it worth sitting down with him with some info about flights and the household bills saying "I think it would be brilliant for you to visit your dad but I haven't a clue how we might afford it; how about we take a good look at the figures and see if we can find a way of saving up for it?" Ditto the above suggestions of him contributing by selling old toys, washing cars etc. This will make him more confident that he can talk about the trip with you and help him understand that any objection would be simply financial rather than personal. (If you tell him about all the money coming in then he should be bright enough to work out that his dad doesn't pay anything.) N.B. I'm not suggesting you get out every payslip and receipt just some round figures so he can see how much goes out on keeping his family housed, fed and warm etc.

pimento

Tell him that when it's summer here, it's winter in Australia and it would be better to wait until the winter.

Are you in any contact with your ex? Tell him that your son wants to come to visit but you can only afford the spends.

If necessary, join Facebook.