Divorcing my husband

SmellyOldSock

I've previously posted on here about my husband drinking etc

We seperated in February 2010, and i've started divorce proceedings.

My solicitor advised me to go for unreasonable behaviour and i sited his drinking.

Today he received the divorce petition, and he has really kicked off big time.

He's denying his drinking was a issue, that i knew he drunk before we married, which is true. I stupidly thought if he was happy he wouldnt need the drink.

He has been dry since we split (have no proof either way) and he seems to think that cancels out all the years of drinking before.

Now he wants to see a solicitor and blame me for having an affair!

I'm so low at the moment, I'm running a home, 3 children, and 8 part-time jobs. I'm no matyr, this is what i want.

Does anyone know wot will happen next? as in him not agreeing to the petition? i realise no one has a crystal ball! lol

many thanks for reading

clearingout

Try not to worry. If he seeks legal advice, he'll be told that there's no point in contesting a divorce - no court is going to keep two people married when one person wants out, just keep that in your head. On the form, there is a tick box where he can simply say that he doesn't agree to the reasons you're divorcing him for, but that he agrees that the marriage has broken down. No doubt, a solicitor will tell him to tick that box.
As you have filed with the court now, you would have to agree to having your petition dismissed in favour of his for adultery. You would have to admit to adultery for him to be able to proceed in this way.

What you need to get your head round really is that divorce in this country is 'no blame'. Whether you divorce him or him you the outcome will be the same - you get a divorce. the divorce bit is separate from dealing with the money.

He could choose to sit on the petition for a few weeks, months, years....you will then have to have it given to him in his hand using the court bailiff service. There's a charge but not sure what it is. If he then doesn't answer, the judge will go ahead with the divorce for you, without his signature.

Hope that helps.

flutterby_lil

Wow, 8 part time jobs, well done - i'd forget what time and place i need to be - I am lucky i get to where I have to be each day, and that's only with one child and one job!!

Keep up the hard work, no advice re the divorce but wanted to say a HUGE well done to you!

NAR

Presumably you cited other issues of unreasonableness? He will run up a very expensive solicitor's bill refuting your grounds for divorce and for counter divorce petition. The cheapest solution for him is to accept the grounds for divorce. If you have enough other reasons in the divorce petition you could maybe withdraw the drinking one (with your solicitor's advice)

Valli

he's kicking off now because he is shocked/surprised.

Ignore him.

He will calm down in time; then he'll go to a solicitor who will either milk him for every penny he has or tell him to accept it.

You've cited unreasonable behaviour during your marriage. What he has done since the separation is irrelevant.

mackemdave

Let him kick off all he is going to do is run up a nice big bill for the darling hardworking solicitors(spit)..........Courts arnt interested in who is to blame as long as youve got the grounds and swear on the bible then it should all go through....the difficult part is the finances....is he paying Child Maint....If not then see about going to CSA

SmellyOldSock

many thanks for your replies. He has said he'll agree if i change the reasons. He really doesn't think his drinking was a problem!

thorsoak

Can your doctor corroberate your reason? Or other people if necessary? Personally, I would not be changing the reasons - give in on this point, and he'll be pushing you go give in on others.

If you have evidence - cite it!

tinkerbell73

My ex was exactly the same - kicked off big style when he read the drink related UB but he went to a solictor and they said hard luck she can divorce you so !! He tried to make up adultry grounds for me (there were none and the solicitor told him not to bother)

He signed forms in the end and ticked box to say he didn't agree but it went through court with no problems at all!! I have 3 children and 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs so i understand exactly where you are coming from.

My ex was dry when we split and went to aa for 6 months but when he realised i was not taking him back he soon slipped into old ways. We are now divorced and I am using CSA to try and get some maint but am not hopeful. Even now he cannot comprehend why i divorced him and now he lives with a new girl and his drink related behaviour is the same with her as me so I have finally seen that is was his problem all along not me bringing it out in him (if you understand).

If you want to chat more pm me cause i really have been there and come out the other side (we finally split dec 08 and divorced 1st Feb this year) so it is fairly recent and tbh it doesnt stop when the divorce comes through but you will get sooo strong and he will hate that.

Sending big hugs

pigpen

Mine wrote back on the forms that the reasons I stated as unreasonable were 'exaggerated and fabricated' .. I could easily have said adultery instead but thought it fairer this way.

If he has a 'decent' (do they make them?) solicitor he will be advised to just go with it.. let him get on with it.. obviously all he is doing really is reacting against you taking the upper hand and taking this into your control and he hates it.

It just makes them look petty and silly when they start on like this.. wait until they suggest mediation lol!!!

Mine took 2 months to sign the papers but I have been advised if he does everything else quickly now we are looking at maybe just another 8-10 weeks!!

Lilith1980

I'm divorcing my husband and went for unreasonable behaviour. One of the reasons I cited was his drinking but he kicked off so I removed it, but then I had other reasons.

I don't know if it would affect any settlement (me and my husband had no joint assets so we went for a clean break) but would it matter if your husband said about adultery? At the end of the day, the court will see the paperwork and does it matter about the reasons as long as you get shot of your husband?

When my husband kicked off I said that he was welcome to file for divorce instead, citing any reasons he wanted, I just wanted out. But as I say, I don't know if this would affect any split of assets etc.

Good luck hun, I know this process isn't pleasant x