Plus One or Not Plus One?

LegalBlonde

Hiya :wave:
Have not posted on MSE for a while but for anyone who recognises me, guess what I am getting married!!! From the second he proposed I have been lurking on these boards, I am so excited about having an MSE wedding (and exhausted, especially after spending my morning reading the scabby donkey venue or whatever it is called saga!)

Things have gone really smoothly so far, got engaged a few weeks ago and getting married July 2011. Really happy with venue and it is reasonable, and obviously not started on my dress etc yet...

So, we are trying to come up with a realistic budget. And in my view to do that I need my guest list, so I can count food per head etc.

So to my dilemma - this whole plus one thing!! We keep wavering from oh we told the venue we would have about 100 people, and we are struggling to get that many to OMG where did all these people come from, we have no room for evening guests :eek:

Looking back at the list now I seem to have given alot of people +1!! I think it is awkward as well as alot of my family will be travelling to the wedding so you can't really say well you can bring a mate in the evening!

Obviously anyone in family with LT partner I have met are both getting invited. But ones that don't, am I giving them a plus one. It is just so many, I don't want to end up NOT inviting people we want there cos of numbers, when strangers will be there!!!

Plus I don't want to give one person a plus one and not another if you know what I mean. If for example I have 4 adult cousins I never see, I think I need to give them plus one as they will have partners etc?? I have been invited to just the evening bit with my partner before and if needed to travel, not bothered so I don't want people not coming for evening when they could have come to the whole shebang with no plus one if you know what I mean?

I have alot of work friends as well from 200 miles away but I don't really mind about that cos most of them will be evening only.

I am hoping we won't have to start "cutting" people as it is really just the plus ones that are inflating the numbers

I am just not really sure on what is acceptable I don't want to put anyone's noses out of joint I wouldn't mind getting a family invite for just me, but then maybe I don't really mean that and I am just in bride mode!

Thanks so much in advance

jackieglasgow

LegalBlonde wrote: »

(and exhausted, especially after spending my morning reading the scabby donkey venue or whatever it is called saga!)

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T:T:TWhy didn't we think of that!

Congratulations LegalBlonde!

LegalBlonde

Thank you
After reading so many wedding threads and bride's problems for the last few weeks, reading back over mine I love how I have gone from happily engaged - bridezilla in 0-60 LOL

bubbles0169

its a really difficult one and this is my stance...at the moment...as alot can happen in two years-when i get married
weve just booked the venue and for family and close friends they will get a plus one if they live together and if ive met them
ive got a cousin who has a baby with a girl but they dont live together and ive never met her
hopefully i wont meet any1 new in the next couple o years as im only budgeting for 68 in the day:o
oh and scabby donkey?:rotfl::rotfl:

LegalBlonde

LOL:rotfl: well i actually read the last of that thread first and got the name then went back to the start and by page 30 odd I was thinking is this place really called scabby donkey LOL what an awful place and I hope no bride goes through the same.

Bubbles that is really good advice. If I have (a) met them or (b) they live together, engaged, married then fine. I have some cousins at uni etc and don't really know their situation but I suppose they might not even come so why am I stressing about their guests!! I suppose I should think of the +1 as in do they have a partner, as opposed to can they bring a complete stranger with them. Anyone local is not a problem as that's what evening guests are for!!!

It is helping thinking of it practically e.g. oh well those 2 are sisters and live in same place and will travel together, as opposed to what "should" be done.

I am having a DIY MSE wedding, and anyone who looks bad on me about inviting someone I don't know exists, prob isn't worth it.

I can just remember going a bit mental a few years ago when I got a me +1 (as opposed to a name) on an evening invite from a family member, and I had been living with my partner 3 years!!! and we are very obviously still together and getting married ourselves now LOL but i will resist putting +1 instead of her OH name :P

Also - with evening guests, in my book an evening invite means "come and drink and dance", is this the case or do you put on a light buffet etc??? Surely that is not money saving so what's the point?!

bubbles0169

seeing as its a VERY mse do your having why not put on the invite to bring some food along with them as, im afriad people do expect it to be there
or you could just put that your not having food as its mse so they can eat before they come
talking of were going to mil2b for tea now so see ya again i hope

LegalBlonde

Thanks Bubbles speak soon.

Although it is a DIY wedding it is in a "traditional" venue with reception etc so they couldnt' bring their own food etc.I was just wondering what people expect? Maybe it is just me who understood it as come after dinner to dance?

Our friends are all quite sociable so I am sure we could have a friendly evening invite that says something about "drinks and dancing" to make it clear.

Or the venue does do buffet as well so we could have one or two things, I was just wondering what people expect when they get an evening invite so would be grateful for people's views??

Thanks again Bubbles

Woodyrocks

Evening invite should just mean that - drink and dance but the pressure to lay on food is immense. We have decided that crepes will have to do for those that joing after 7pm. Our 95 day guests are literally going to be stuffing their faces all day as we have canapes and then a late wedding breakfast so I just cannot justify a later expense.

Regarding +1, you will not believe how many will have the cheek to ask for their random partners that you have never met to be included. And will guilt trip you into inviting them. I would say, stick to your guns in only inviting those that you have met before and have prior knowledge of. Also decide early what you are doing about kids. We have gone from budgeting for 20 kids to now having 32. At £21 per head I just pray they all better eat everything on their plate!

I am having two weddings. A traditional African wedding on Friday and a white wedding on the Saturday. This has demanded I money save where I can with our wedding and I have done so brilliantly if I may say so myself but my dream venue for the Saturday came with a clause; we have to use their caterers and that is where we are feeling the pinch imho @ £47 per head.

Also be prepared for about 15% drop out rate so you can always upgrade evening guests/afford to be generous with +1 when that time comes.

LegalBlonde

Thanks so much Woody that is all really good advice. I have been quite sensible about it all so far, but I think the first "veil" of stress came over me about this +1 and evening thing!

There is a kids menu for £3.50 so we think we are going to go for that and if parents would rather give their kids some of their food that is up to them (can you tell we don't have kids LOL)

Yeah I think the rule of have I met you will be good. Without going into it although I am only late twenties we have been together and living together a really long time and living in my OH's city and country in fact, so I think it will be clear to most people that we are doing this thing ourselves!

Thanks, I am going through my list as we speak and +1 looks so ridiculous beside some people!! And you are right, I did not really think about the drop out, you are right I can always upgrade people. LOL I feel like a celeb I can see me talking to cousins twice removed and telling them well I will put your +1 on a list incase anyone drops out LOL only joking, you are right I will stand firm.

But when googling this I am also now reading a thread on digital spy from the other side of it, her OH did not get an invite and she is well miffed!! As are some others!! But the majority are gently reminding her that it is not her day

bristol_pilot

Inviting someone without their partner (if you know they have one and they know you know) can be seen as very rude - 'plus one' is really for single friends so that they can bring the gf or bf of the moment if they wish.

To cut down on the guest list, you might want to consider whether you need to invite distant relatives/acquaintances at all if you have seen them so infrequently that you have not even met their partner. Another good way to cut down is not having an evening do. However, if you do have one, be careful about inviting people to only the evening do - this can also be seen as rude (as if the invitees are not good enough to come to your wedding but you are still after a pressie). 'Evening only' invites are for workmates, guys from the football team etc - not for 'B-list' relatives and friends.

LegalBlonde

ok now i feel about ten times worse. The main people I am talking about, I don't know if they have a partner or not that's the whole point. It's okay saying don't invite distant relatives but when you have a really big family and you invite parents and siblings of some of these people you can't just leave them out.
I have worked out that I was invited as evening guest to most weddings in the categories so I will use that as precedent!

In my view I have to invite some to evening only as we can't afford to feed everyone we would like to share our special day - sad but true. Plus the ceremony venue has a smaller capacity than the evening bit.

I know you are talking generally but I am not "after" any pressies, if you must know.

Thanks for the advice as this is exactly what I wanted, different people's views. However from the start I have said I hate all this what you "should" do and what invites etc "are for" - there are no rules, it is our day, so in a roundabout way thanks for reminding me of that