Plus One or Not Plus One?

Cara79

I know it can be so difficult. We are working on the principle that if neither one of us have met them then they are not invited. To do with boyfs/girlfriends, then it depends on how long they've been together and if they're living together and obviously if you have met them. If they're married, then personally i would say they have to be invited.

We are inviting close family, aunty/uncle and cousins. But not all of them, as we don't see some of my cousins and I doubt one of my aunty/uncle will come anyway. Certainly wouldn't go to extended family who i never see.

You will just have to stand firm.

We have decided not to have children as the venue we are having our reception at would charge us about £30 per child and as mean as it sounds, we would much rather have our friends attending instead of someone's child who I don't have much to do with. So we have actually put "we regret that we are unable to accommodate children". I don't know what fallout this will have, as I am sure some wont be happy but alot of my friends, before even mentioning children, have said they're sorting childcare as they want a child free day/eve.

The only children we are having are my two bridesmaids - 4 & 11 and our baby niece. That's as far as it will go.

Good luck
x

anderson8

im inviting a lot of my friends during the day without their partners]
a) because ive either not met them
b) theyve only just started dating
and c) im really tight on numbers
ive explained to them that i simply cant invite everyone and id rather that they be there during the day, but if they chose to just come at night with their partners then thats fine.

everyone is fine about it(well to my face)
thats the thing about weddings, you cant please everyone, but its your day and you do it how you want and to your budget

curlylou1986

It gets so difficult doesnt it!
I am such a push over and like to make sure everyone is 'happy' normally reguardless to my expense! lol.
My predicimaent is the people i work with, in my office it is divided witherside of a stairwell, I work very close with one said and the other side of the office we all speak but not all day everyday - if that makes sense.
There 30 people in total - 15 of the guys are on my 'team'.
I dont know any of the teams OH that i work with, yet as we wok all day together i am closer with them. I dont know the names of the 'dark sides' OH's, so i dont know what to do. I feel bad if i dont +1 for my team, but if i do for everyone thats potentially 20-30 people turning up that i dont even know!
I know some peoples oppinions for weddings is that should be a +1 rather than just a party not so much.
its so complicated when you are a push over!! lol

Lexxi

I cut my day guest list right down because I cannoot justify inviting and paying for people that I don't know or don't speak to. I don't have the budget plus I feel that it would just be an awkward party if I had people there that I didn't know. I've got Parents, grandparents, OH brother and his family then our close friends who are travelling over and best mate and her family plus some long time family friends then anyone else can have an evening invite

mimosaurus

my feeling on this is do exactly what you think is right and then stick to it as you will never win no matter what you do!!!

we've got over 50 day guests, we're paying for the whole thing ourselves, and we've not given people +1s unless they're long term partners or similar, and we've had people complain about it. in fact we've had one person demand that his partner should be coming (question mark over whether her two utterly foul children will be dragged along) and he told us that he would bring her to the ceremony, then take her out for a meal and return for the evening. whilst i feel totally peeved by that, i'm letting him get on with it - he's the one being the !!!!!! and frankly i can't be bothered getting involved! at the end of the day you can repeat to everyone that there is just not enough space, people should understand that numbers are always a problem.

i also haven't given evening guests a plus 1, and today i have had my first response of "but isn't X invited". In this particular case, X isn't invited because he's a real nasty piece of work and has openly stated how much he hates me and my partner (long story). I have responded that no, he's not invited because we've never gotten along and we've had to be careful with our numbers. If they get shirty, let them get shirty - it's your day, do what you want, have who you want there - and most importantly remember who's paying for it all!!!!!! MSE all the way!!

shellsuit

In the day, there will be 2 plus 1's.

My Nan will be bringing a friend with her. (She's my Mum's stepMum and they fell out a few years ago, so there's no way I want my Nan upset if she finds herself on her own, so she will be bringing her friend to keep her company, that I don't mind at all!)

OH's friend will be bringing someone along with him. The friend was in a long term relationship and they have now split up. He doesn't live in our area either and will have to travel quite a way, so we can't expect him to come on his own.

Everyone with a partner, will be invited along with them for the evening. There's only a handful of people who are on their own, so they can bring a guest if they want.

There is 1 person though who I don't want there, but she's not a friend or relative of mine, so the relative of mine who she is friends with, won't be getting a plus 1!

gandy

me and the OH have been going through this also as we're trying to put together the list to send out for save the dates.

so our plan of attack is:

the marrieds - both get an invite
the long term partnered - both get an invite
the singles - just get an invite for themselves (i've been to plenty of weddings just myself so i don't feel too bad doing this and most of my singles will have people they know and i'll be seating them with them, same for my OH's singles)
my work ones - inviting the ones in my dept only and their partners (total of 10 people)
OH work ones - he's just going to invite 10-12 of the people (no partners) he works with as he works in a call center and there's just far to many to invite if he went for his whole team

i'm also limiting my family to aunts and uncles (no cousins) as my dad is one of 14 and my mum one of 7 so there's way way to many cousins to consider inviting them. might just invite some of them to the evening do although haven't decided on that yet.

fly_dragon_fly

gandy wrote: »

me and the OH have been going through this also as we're trying to put together the list to send out for save the dates.

so our plan of attack is:

the marrieds - both get an invite
the long term partnered - both get an invite
the singles - just get an invite for themselves (i've been to plenty of weddings just myself so i don't feel too bad doing this and most of my singles will have people they know and i'll be seating them with them, same for my OH's singles)
my work ones - inviting the ones in my dept only and their partners (total of 10 people)
OH work ones - he's just going to invite 10-12 of the people (no partners) he works with as he works in a call center and there's just far to many to invite if he went for his whole team

i'm also limiting my family to aunts and uncles (no cousins) as my dad is one of 14 and my mum one of 7 so there's way way to many cousins to consider inviting them. might just invite some of them to the evening do although haven't decided on that yet.

we are doing the same x

Sammy85_2

What we're doing...

Only relatives who we have seen in the last year are invited the day do, we havent got the money to be inviting autie dotty and autie mable who i havent seen since i was a child. We're inviting everyone to the night do though.

As for plus one. If they have a partner we know about and they are long term or living together then we'll invite both, if not its just the relative/friend on their own. The only ones really will be our cousins, the ones in late teens who seem to change boyfriends every other week. Most of our friends are couples anyway so it shouldnt be an issue.

lolly1981

hello
I dont envy you in the slightest...we had this problem, we were going for a big do at a hotel with wedding breakfast, then evening do, but numbers where limited and we had all manner of problems of who to invited.

we actually got to a point we were so fed up with it and the whole 'big' wedding wasnt us, plus the budget was getting silly we cancelled and its the best thing we ever did.

we are now having a ceremony in the local spiritualist church (holds 200 people so no limit there) and then are heading to an aunties garden for a big bbq, the advantage we can have +1's plus any kids, if we wanted. but to be fair we have still said no to some +1, OH sister wantsa +1 but she has 2 bfs on the go, changes them often so too be fair i dont want someone i dont know and that is her eye candy for that week at my wedding.

his family are starting to get annoying....what about..aunt this and uncle that, who in all honesty i didnt even know existed. the other thing is my auntie is paying for the bbq so i dont want all and sundry there, just because we should.

my point is this is your day and you should have who you want there not who 'they' say should be there (not sure who 'they' are but they seem to know a lot about how things SHOULD be done)
you are paying for it, you know how many people you can have there and afford...and will all these strangers make your day any better...what can they possibly offer in making your day special. and i dont mean materialistically i mean in celebrating, they will just be goig because its a wedding....not because you are getting married...which is what its all about at the end of the day