Divorce help

chopandchange

I need to get a divorce.

Please, nobody jump in and say "are you sure you've done all you can to try and work things out?" because I have. "Marriage is for life" is my motto, and I have been faithful to OH despite his cruelty. I have tried and tried and tried and tried and pleaded and pleaded and pleaded and waited and waited and waited, but OH just won't change, has gone, and says he doesn't want me back, ever. So what else can I do? There's no point in staying legally married to a man who doesn't want to be my husband any more and who is no longer here. Is there?

We want to get an online divorce, because it's cheapest. The website I'm looking at is: www.divorce-online.co.uk. Has anyone used this website before?

What's worrying me is, it says you can get a divorce package for £69, but the small print says "You will still need to pay the Court Fees when you file the papers with the Court." Does anyone know how much these fees are?

Also, I would welcome advice on what things I should write on the forms. I am the one who will petition for divorce. OH has no grounds, as I am very much the injured party. He has been unfaithful, but claims he didn't actually have sex, and I have no evidence that he did (although he could be lying for all I know) so I can't use the grounds of adultery. It has to be unreasonable behaviour. I did tell him I was willing to forgive him and work things out, BTW. I've done everything I can, honestly, but he just doesn't want me.

Here are the main things, which I have tried to put into legal language. I'd welcome comments on how to word them better, and which ones are the most important ones to pick to put on the form - or should I write all of them down? I have discussed it with OH, and he is OK with me writing down all the things he did, and won't get angry at me or anything for mentioning them (on one divorce website I read, it said it was important to make sure the recipient knows beforehand what accusations you are going to write on the form, because they might get angry and contest the divorce if you word things strongly. I don't think OH will do that, because he just wants the whole thing to be over quickly):


Cruelty
Emotional abuse
Financial extravagance
Living beyond means
Making secret purchases (can anyone think of a way of re-phrasing this in legal language)?
Willful refusal of conjugal activity with spouse
Private and regular sexual intercourse with inanimate object instead of spouse
Sexual liaisons short of sexual intercourse with third party via explicit texts, chat, e-mails and illicit meetings
Severe addiction to computer games to detriment of any normal social interaction with spouse

Edit: there are other things, too, but I don't really want the lawyers to know about them because they are so personal and hurt me so much. They include: OH refusing to provide any foreplay whatsoever and blaming it on me when sex is unsatisfying, traumatic, and numb, claiming that there's something wrong with me if I'm not gagging for it and am not instantly aroused by merely the sight of his naked body, and I ought to go and see a doctor. Also constantly criticising my body and telling me all the things he hates about it and telling me certain parts of it are disgusting. Also banning me from certain things I like, just because he doesn't happen to like them. Not allowing me to hang pictures on the walls - which to me, make a house a home - not allowing me to have cushions on the sofa, not allowing me to light candles, not allowing me to play classical music in the bedroom, not allowing me to have a nightlight even though I'm scared of the dark.

I don't think I should specify those things on the form. I think it might antagonise OH too much. They come under "cruelty," which is a nice vague word to use.

We got married three years ago in Scotland, and have been living in England for the last year. I think those are all the facts. Oh, and we don't have any children. Can anyone give me some advice? I'm in a bit of a state.

moodydonkey

I tried an online divorce (didn't realise I could use legal aid) the fees for the court I think were £350. I had countless problems however with names and details on the forms being wrong and every error incurred a fee. You may want a clean and break, not sure if this is covered online. Sorry not much help I know but good luck.

chopandchange

Thank you very much for replying!

What's a clean and break? And what is legal aid?

Sorry for all the questions. I suppose I ought to make the effort and just go and google all this myself, but it would be more comforting to get help on here instead, from kind human beings rather than google!

moodydonkey

I got Legal Aid which paid for my divorce because after he left i was on Income Support, I don't know what the criteria are tho so you will need to look into it.

The Clean and Break means I believe (you both have to agree to it) that neither party has any subsequent claim. Ie a later inheritance or lottery win. Please don't take my word for this tho. Are you also aware that you get a free half hour ( again sorry I think) consultation with a solicitor which may help outline your options.

Lilith1980

Hi, I am getting my divorce processed by the same company at the moment and they have been great.

Think it has to be a pretty 'straightforward' divorce though, with both parties consenting.

I went for the Diamond Consent and Clean Break. The Diamond service is where they check all the forms for you (I didn't trust me to do it right!). And the consent is a financial consent so you set out who will get what financially and then once that is drawn up, neither party will have a claim on anything else once the divorce has gone through.

Hope that helps.

chopandchange

moodydonkey wrote: »

I got Legal Aid which paid for my divorce because after he left i was on Income Support, I don't know what the criteria are tho so you will need to look into it.

The Clean and Break means I believe (you both have to agree to it) that neither party has any subsequent claim. Ie a later inheritance or lottery win. Please don't take my word for this tho. Are you also aware that you get a free half hour ( again sorry I think) consultation with a solicitor which may help outline your options.

Brilliant! So if I win the lottery, he won't get a penny! :j

Edit: I think I would feel sorry for him and give him some anyway!

Thank you for the advice. I didn't know about all of these options. I am rather ignorant about divorce in general, as I never thought I would go through it myself. He is coming round tomorrow so we will discuss it.

Gloomendoom

My ex and I did a DIY divorce. It is all pretty straightforward if you both agree. The court will look at the agreement to make sure it is fair to both parties.

IIRC You don't need to go into details. Just stating 'unreasonable behaviour' will be enough. You shoud keep anything you write businesslike... there is no need to mention sheep or goats etc.

Remember, a clean break works both ways.

skypie123_2

Buy yourself a Lawpack Divorce kit from Amazon. Its got everything you need to conduct your own divorce., This is what I did and it was an awful lot quicker than my OHs divorce done through solicitors (and a LOT less expensive!)
The court fees are £300 to file and then £40 at the end to get your absolute.
Worth every penny if you arent happy!
The Lawpack has a CD Rom with all the forms etc so you have everything you need
xx

mackemdave

Hi Dont bother with the online sites,just go along to the court and get the relevant paper work....You need to complete 3 copies of them and return them to the court office,they will check it all through for you.The cost of this is now £400 not £300 as previously mentioned.A few weeks later you will need to attend the court office and swear on the bible that what you have put on the forms is correct

If your ex is in agreement with it all then there should be no need to go to court and you will receive a decree nisi...6wks and 1 day after you can then apply for absolute.

The clean break consent order will probably be best drawn up with solicitors input but seeing as its classed as a short marriage then they will look to put both of you back to the finacial position you were in before the marriage...Consent order court costs is £40

You dont need a very long list...and very little detail...if you are going for unreasonable behaviour.

Check out www.ondivorce.co.uk There are some message boards which give very good advice ....Look under community and the finacial or general boards

Good Luck

chopandchange

I am grateful to everyone for all the advice, but I'm getting kind of confused.

Some people are saying: yes, the online sites are great, do it that way.
Other people are saying: don't bother doing it online, it's more hassle than it's worth.

Also someone has said that I don't need to cite specific behaviours or dates when using unreasonable behaviour as grounds for petition, but this site says that I do. It also says: "It is important that at least one of these [behaviours] has taken place within six months before starting divorce proceeding, otherwise, as in adultery, you’re presumed to have forgiven your partner."

That being the case, I've only got until the end of June to get this sorted.

I am really not sure how I should proceed. Someone mentioned a free half-hour with a lawyer. Is that something applicable to everyone, whatever their circumstances, or only relevant to that particular website?

I am just faffing around, really unsure of what to do! It doesn't help that I am in a rather rundown, shaky, vulnerable state. Maybe I should go to Citizen's Advice. Do they deal with this sort of thing, I wonder?

chopandchange

mackemdave wrote: »

A few weeks later you will need to attend the court office and swear on the bible that what you have put on the forms is correct

I can't swear on the Bible; I'm a Christian. Christians are commanded not to swear by anything, but to just say yes if we mean yes, and no if we mean no. We are not allowed to lie, anyway, and bearing false witness is breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

I have always thought it extremely ironic that they make witnesses in court cases "swear on the Bible" that they will not lie. If they'd actually care to open said Bible to Matthew chapter 5, they would see that in forcing someone to swear on the Bible, they are forcing them to disobey what it says inside it.

I've always hoped I would never witness a murder or anything, because they'd call me up to the witness stand and ask me to swear on the Bible, and I'd have to refuse and explain that I'm not allowed to do so, precisely because of what it says inside. They'd just have to take my word for it that I will tell them the truth! I would probably be arrested for contempt of court. How ironic.

Seriously, this is a major issue for me regarding my divorce proceedings. I'm a devout Christian. Will I be forced to swear on the Bible if I do it the online way, or only if I do it by going to court?

Edit: oh, great. I found this page here which seems to indicate that I won't need to swear on the Bible if I don't wish to do so.

Kind of ironic (OK, I've used that word three times now, but it is the most fitting word to use) that the so-called "Christian" version of the oath involves swearing by both God himself and also by the Bible.