Help!

Midgie

I'd love for him to be involved (ideally minus his mother's influence or input) as I feel its important for the baby to have two parents.

I've done my best to make this clear to him and his family and all I've had is a refusal to discuss it or abuse. Unfortunately I think the only way he'll be part of this is with lots of conflict.

I just want to protect me and the baby.

Midgie

And I would like him to take financial responsibility even if he won't take emotional or physical responsibility for the baby - I'm just worried it leaves me in a weaker position when it comes to protecting me and the baby from unneccessary hassle from him or his mother.

He tends to be very dramatic and when I asked him if he wanted to know when the baby was born he told me no and even though he might change his mind about this I'm pretty sure he won't be around to register the birth.

divastrop

Midgie wrote: »

I'd love for him to be involved (ideally minus his mother's influence or input) as I feel its important for the baby to have two parents.

I've done my best to make this clear to him and his family and all I've had is a refusal to discuss it or abuse. Unfortunately I think the only way he'll be part of this is with lots of conflict.

I just want to protect me and the baby.

I am assuming you're not married? If that's the case then he will need to come with you to sign the register when the baby is born, he will then have parental responsibility and will be obliged to provide for the baby.
It sounds like a horrible situation and I can understand you just want the best for your little one. Sometimes men get scared of responsibility and try to run away, but as stressful as it is for you he may just need a bit of time and space before coming round to the idea of being a dad. Does he have any responsible male friends or relatives he can talk to who may talk some sense into him? It could take just a good hard talking to from a man who's been there and done that to make him grow some balls and stand up to his mother.

Midgie

Unfortunately not!

He's got his dad and his brother - who react in pretty much the same way to the mother. His parents and him are treating the baby like a dirty, little secret - he didn't tell his parents until I was 5 months pregnant (by which time he'd long gone) and his brother still doesn't know about it.

Apart from that he's only got two friends and I doubt either of them would say anything.

He likes to make out that I'm a horrible person who is making is life hell - apparently the baby is a way of me controlling him and I'm selfish for having it when he doesn't want it. Oh and I also told my family too early about the baby (I had a threatened miscarriage and ended up in hospital) - I think the problem is he wanted more time to talk me out of having it!

Sorry I'm ranting now - it really does make my blood boil!

divastrop

rant away, it's better to get it out of your system! people who are controlling themselves often accuse others of trying to control them. It may be better just to take a step back and consider the long term and whether your baby will be better off with or without him. forget the two parent ideal and think about what is best for your baby.
If, in the future, you met a decent man who you wanted to share your life with and who wanted to be a daddy to your baby/child it would be a lot less complicated if the natural father who wants( or claims to want) nothing to do with baby did not have parental responsibility.
If you want him to be involved because you are sure that deep down he is a decent man who will love and support his child then keep persuing the matter. If, on the other hand, you know him to be a controlling and potentially abusive person then have nothing to do with him and raise your baby on your own.
I know very little if anything about financial stuff when it comes to owning your own home; I know that benefit stuff is very different in that instance.

AsknAnswer2

divastrop wrote: »

I meant that you are only obliged to involve the CSA if you are claiming IS(its voluntary otherwise), although I may be wrong if they have changed it recently, and if I am I apologise. I was just trying to convey the message that if the OP wants nothing to do with the man, no money from him or owt then she is within her rights to deny all knowledge of his paternity if she so chooses.

It has changed. There is no obligation to involve the CSA.

Another change is that the OP can also now keep all of her income support and CS on top. Changed on 12/04/2010, complete disregard has been applied for CS when on means tested benefit.