Mother recently died and father causing problems over Will and Headstone

jackieglasgow

I am quite shocked by that. I didn't realise as when we did it we never owned the grave, my grandmother's brother did, but he didn't sign anything or do any of the communication with the funeral people. Will speak to my sister about how it was done.

sp1987

You could always pay for a bench somewhere with a plaque. Whether it be in the same cemetary or in a local park?

It wouldn't be her actual grave as such, but it could be something you as her children do to remember her that requires no argument with anyone else.

As stated above, do not sign anything. He is trying to get you to sign over money that is yours. If he didn't think it was legally yours, he would not want it signed. He will never be able to defend a claim on the basis of tax fraud. You need to find out which solicitors were used for the family issues such as house buying etc as often older people will use the same firm their whole lives. One of you may well be executor with your father. He may not even be an executor.

escortg3

Only the grave owner can apply to put a headstone on a grave.
Ask your father if you can take ownership of the grave, it doesnt usually cost much £20-£40, some places dont charge. Get the grave in your name then you can apply to put the headstone on. :) If anything happened to your father you would have to transfer ownership of the grave then anyway.

Ldoak1

Thank you all for taking the time to reply I really do appreciate all your advice. Just needed some help can't believe we are having to go through this as well it's hard enough accepting our mum is gone.

Anyway spoke to council and they said my dad would need to sign a form granting us to erect a headstone however I know he won't do it unless we sign disclaimers which we still haven't received. I know what I would rather have so it looks like he will be getting his way after all.

*Chattie*

I think you have plenty time to sort this out as Im sure you need to wait some time before putting up a headstone anyway probably to let the grave settle.

belfastgirl23

I think you should take a moment and think about your mum's wishes here. She left a will explicitly stating that her money was to go to her daughters. She did not specify that the money from a particular account should go to her husband although she had a clear opportunity to do so. It sounds to me like in one way or another she *earned* that money and that it probably gave her happiness to think that her daughters would benefit from it. I know in the end you have to do what you think is right but do you really think she would want you handing over her hard earned cash to a man who did nothing for her? Or would she prefer to wait a little while longer for her headstone? After all ownership of the grave will pass to you or your sisters in the end.

I am really sorry to hear about your loss, it must be devastating having to deal with all of this c**p when you're still grieving.

Also just to add you can get little 'tablet' type things to place on the grave that aren't permanent. If you think after a while your dad is unlikely to go there, then why not just get one of these made? This is the sort of thing I'm thinking about

http://www.cornishstone.com/index.php?option=com_virtuemart&page=shop.browse&category_id=6&Itemid=1

You could check with the council or funeral director whether you need permission for them because they are more of a decoration akin to flowers than a permanent gravestone.

webitha

Ldoak1 wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time to reply I really do appreciate all your advice. Just needed some help can't believe we are having to go through this as well it's hard enough accepting our mum is gone.

Anyway spoke to council and they said my dad would need to sign a form granting us to erect a headstone however I know he won't do it unless we sign disclaimers which we still haven't received. I know what I would rather have so it looks like he will be getting his way after all.

he is adament that she is not getting a headstone...sorry to say but my first thought when you posted the above, how can you be sure that he will sign it over to you when you have signed the disclaimers?

i agree with everyone else and dont sign anything your mum wanted you to have that money, if she wanted him to have it she would have left it to him

DONT SIGN THE DISCLAIMERS

zzzLazyDaisy

I agree, your mum made her daughters beneficiaries of her estate. That is unusual as for most married couples the majority of their possessions goes to the other spouse, maybe with a gift to children, but not usually everything.

So she must have had her reasons.

In any case if a solicitor is going to write to you to ask you to sign a disclaimer, they should at least tell you what the will said, and advice you to seek independent legal advice.

If they don't I'd suggest that you write back and say that you considering the request contained in their letter, and although you are minded to comply, it is impossible for you to make an informed decision at the present time, as you have not seen a copy of the will, or been informed of its contents. Then ask for a copy of the will and tell them that you will contact them again once you have been provided with full information.

To be honest I think it is very unlikely that any solicitor will simply write and ask you to sign a disclaimer without telling you what is in the will and advising you to get independent legal advice. Most solicitors will send a draft letter to your dad first to get him to approve the letter before it is sent, and that could be the reason for the hold-up - he will probably not want them to tell you that you should see your own solicitor before signing.

I'm guessing, of course, but it does seem likely.

Do let us know what happens.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this when you should be grieving for your mum in peace.

Daisy

escortg3

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think you should take a moment and think about your mum's wishes here. She left a will explicitly stating that her money was to go to her daughters. She did not specify that the money from a particular account should go to her husband although she had a clear opportunity to do so. It sounds to me like in one way or another she *earned* that money and that it probably gave her happiness to think that her daughters would benefit from it. I know in the end you have to do what you think is right but do you really think she would want you handing over her hard earned cash to a man who did nothing for her? Or would she prefer to wait a little while longer for her headstone? After all ownership of the grave will pass to you or your sisters in the end.

I am really sorry to hear about your loss, it must be devastating having to deal with all of this c**p when you're still grieving.

Also just to add you can get little 'tablet' type things to place on the grave that aren't permanent. If you think after a while your dad is unlikely to go there, then why not just get one of these made? This is the sort of thing I'm thinking about

http://www.cornishstone.com/index.php?option=com_virtuemart&page=shop.browse&category_id=6&Itemid=1

You could check with the council or funeral director whether you need permission for them because they are more of a decoration akin to flowers than a permanent gravestone.

For one of those you will definately need permission im afraid.
What about turning it around and saying to your dad that you will not sign anything untill the grave is in your name. might be worth a try, but wait untill you get the ownership of the grave back before you sign anything.

Ldoak1

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I agree, your mum made her daughters beneficiaries of her estate. That is unusual as for most married couples the majority of their possessions goes to the other spouse, maybe with a gift to children, but not usually everything.

So she must have had her reasons.

In any case if a solicitor is going to write to you to ask you to sign a disclaimer, they should at least tell you what the will said, and advice you to seek independent legal advice.

If they don't I'd suggest that you write back and say that you considering the request contained in their letter, and although you are minded to comply, it is impossible for you to make an informed decision at the present time, as you have not seen a copy of the will, or been informed of its contents. Then ask for a copy of the will and tell them that you will contact them again once you have been provided with full information.

To be honest I think it is very unlikely that any solicitor will simply write and ask you to sign a disclaimer without telling you what is in the will and advising you to get independent legal advice. Most solicitors will send a draft letter to your dad first to get him to approve the letter before it is sent, and that could be the reason for the hold-up - he will probably not want them to tell you that you should see your own solicitor before signing.

I'm guessing, of course, but it does seem likely.

Do let us know what happens.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this when you should be grieving for your mum in peace.

Daisy

Thank you so much for your opinion in this matter it really has helped alot, my sisters and I are demented with his actions and we really do appreciate the time everyone has taken in providing us with their own thoughts.