Mother recently died and father causing problems over Will and Headstone

Ldoak1

My mother died at the beginning of the month and as you can imagine it is and still is a horrible thing to go through. I will try to be brief, My mother and father were still married and lived together however they basically lived seperate lives and barely spoke to each other.

I and my two sisters cared for my mum until she died and my dad has always resented the care and time we devoted to our mum and made the last few months extremely difficult for us all. Since the funeral we have not spoken to him however he contacted us last week to let us know my mother's will stated that any money in her name should be divided between her daughters.

The day my mum died he withdrew the maximum out of her own account(using her card and pin) and tried to transfer the rest however the bank said he couldn't do it without death cert etc. He has been to his solicitor and they have said the only way to get the money to him is for all of us to sign disclaimers giving up our rights. At this precise moment we are all too upset to even contemplate this matter however he keeps harping on that it is his money as he took out an isa in my mums name(tax purposes)years ago from money that my gran(his mother) had left when she died. My dad said the disclaimers should have been sent out this week but as yet we have not received same.

One last thing my mother was buried at our local cemetery and prior to this will matter, he told us, that he didn't want to get a headstone for her grave as they are a waste of money. Is there any way we, as in myself and sisters can do this with out involvement from him.

Sorry for long question but really would be appreciative of any help that may be out there.

RAS

Hi

Cannot help with the head stone but re the will.

STOP, before you do anything.

You are all very upset and you do not have to do anything urgently.

Who is the executor of the will?

If your dad is owed money for the old ISA, he should get this re-paid from the estate, not take money out of your mother's account. He needs to demonstate that the money that went into the account came from his inheritance and ask for the debt to be paid. Although I do rather wonder why HE took out an ISA in HER name; to get two lots of tax relief?

The executor should be pay for the funeral and headstone from the estate and then distribute the remainder after any debts have been paid.

If dad is the executor, I think you and your sisters have a good case to ask him to renouce this, because of his actions to date (speak to the Probate Office) and one or more of you can adminster the estate. that would sort out the headstone problem as well.

The disclaimer he is talking about refers to the fact that at any time in the next two years you and your sisters can choose to vary the will.

zzzLazyDaisy

I am sorry for your loss.

If the ISA is in your mum's name, the money is hers.

If your dad gave her the money to open the ISA he cannot ask for it back now.

It sounds like he was wanting to use your mum's ISA allowance to shield money from the taxman, but that would be fraud as each person is only entitled to their own ISA allowance each year.

Unless there is in existence some written agreement, signed by your mum, that your dad gave this money to your mum as a loan, or with the intention by both of them that it would be paid back, then that money became your mum's when it was put into her name, and under the terms of the will, is now yours.

As far as the headstone is concerned, why not spend the ISA money on the headstone?

EDIT - I agree that he should not have taken money from your mum's account and that his actions since her death would indicate that he is not a fit and proper person to act as executor. However, whether the estate is large enough to warrant getting involved in a legal dispute is another matter. It is certainly worth speaking to the probate office - I don't know if they have the power to do anything but they should be able to point you in the right direction.

Also don't sign anything unless you fully understand what you are signing.......

Ldoak1

Thank you both for replying so quickly, not sure who is the executor, presume it is my dad. He is not disclosing any further information we don't even know who the solicitor is that is dealing with our mother's estate as he won't provide us with any other info. He just wants us to sign disclaimers and we are now starting to think that he has found away around this too as we have not received any correspondence from solictors.

The reason he took out an isa in her name was yes due to the tax relief, it was money my gran left intestate(not sure if information is true) and an isa was taken out in his name and my mother's name however this information is coming from him and he is never been very truthful in the past about money. When my gran died he told us she left very little money only enough to give us £250-00 each and remainder paid for double glazing in our house, according to dad, however it now turns out she may have left over £30,000.

So to tell you the truth we don't know much as he has never wanted us to know. We are more concerned about whether we need his permission to erect a headstone for our mum. We are all more than happy to pay for it ourselves, as he has made his feelings clear that he doesn't.

RAS

OK

With respect to your gran's estate, any estate valued at over £5,000 has to go to probate before the money can be released to the beneficiaries, so it is a matter of public record and you can get a copy see http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/infoabout/civil/probate/index.htm

With respect to the headstone, it depends who owns the grave.

dom300186

I dont know anything about this but i would like to say sorry about your loss and that your father should not be jumping to quickly this is your mother you have lost.
I would say if their is nothing signed by your mother regarding they did this with the ISA, and she hasnt left him anything in the will its tough, this is yours and your sister money.

xxx

jackieglasgow

Sorry for your loss, OP. Your father sounds like a prat. You should be able to arrange the headstone yourself, contact the local council, or church or whoever owns the cemetry, or the funersl director whom arranged the funeral and ask how to go about this.

RAS

jackie

Certainly in Scotland, if you do not own the grave, you cannot put up a headstone even if you are a family member (have tried). You can put up a small plaque of a prescribed size with permitted information (name and dates only).

JoJoB

I'm afraid I think RAS is correct. We had a similar issue when my mother-in-law died. She was married to a very unpleasant man who did not want to pay for a headstone and refused her children permission to buy one themselves (simply because he wanted to cause them more grief). As he was next of kin and owned the grave there was nothing they could do.

I'm very sorry for your loss and hope your dad does the right thing by you.

Ldoak1

Thank you but I don't think he will, we always knew from an early age that the only love my dad had was for money and because we haven't spoke to him since the funeral, due his behaviour to our mum over the past few years I doubt very much he will grant us permission to do it ourselves.

But thank you

McKneff

I wouldnt let him have a penny, Just take your time.
Wait till he's popped his clogs then give your mum a headstone. (and make sure he knows lol)