help for friend..child constantly crying at nursery.. any help or suggestions?

mummy_Jay

Silly question, do mum and dad have a habit of leaving without saying a proper good bye and telling her when they will come back?
I only ask as round that age I found if we had visitors grandparents etc and they left without DS getting a proper goodbye (i.e. snuck out or left whilst he was in the bathroom or eating his dinner etc), he would get really really upset and clingy.
When I dropped my DS when he was small I would always give him a hug tell him I love him and that I have to go and earn the money so we can enjoy lots of lovely things and that I will be back later on. That I can't wait to hear all about the things he'll have done today.

or maybe she thinks she's missing out on something. have they tried telling her what they did all day and asking her what she's done?

How about when they drop her off, asking her to see if she can build a big big tower or make them something before they come back? set her a task for mummy and daddy or asking her to help with one of the other little ones as she's a big girl now? (something to distract her and keep her busy).
Or maybe a little blackmail i.e. "if she's a big girl today and manages not to cry, mummy and daddy will ......[insert activity she likes here] with her ......[when this will be]".

I'm guessing they will have probably tried these but you never know.

brians_daughter

Thnaks mummyjay and gingham ribbon. will get mum to do the questionairre when she gets back (just took her dd to teh childminders now and plans on staying a while with her) Mummyjay, parents are quite open and wave bye bye and tell them she will be back soon and the likes, yesterday they started painting a picture beofre mum went and mum said that lo should finish the picture for when she gets back, but this is teh 1st time shes done anything like that. they have tried it all sneaking off when dd is distracted, having dd wave them off etc

will show her your responses when she gets back, thanks all. as i say i am at my wits end with it so goodness knows how parents feel!

Gingham_Ribbon

That questionnaire is for older children I think. I've just found this list, which is a better indicator in very young children.

brians_daughter

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

That questionnaire is for older children I think. I've just found this list, which is a better indicator in very young children.

OMG, thats IS my God Daughter. SHe is only just 18 months but can already count to 6. I dont know if she actually CAN count iykwim but she can certianally say 1 2 3 4 5 6 and move blocks etc in combination with the numbers being spoken. And knows red, blue green. If you show her flash cards and ask which is red etc she will point to the correct one and say 'red'

Most of the other charachteristics are true of her as well. Such things as understanding instructions. I was only sat here this morning and i said 'Molly go and bring your milk and blanket to Aunty Annna we are going out in the car now' and she did (they were at seperate ends of the room with numerous other toys splattered about) and went to the front door.. i commented that she understood every word i had said to her to my mum and that my youngest (who is same age) has minimal comprehension compared to her.

wow, i feel like someone has sat and watched my god daughter and simply written a list of things she can do

i see they do a factsheet on problems your child may face at pre school or nursery. I will be showing my friend this when she returns and getting it ordered for her

Gingham_Ribbon

brians_daughter wrote: »

OMG, thats IS my God Daughter.

:A:j

I had a feeling...;)

Some things that are worth knowing -

Strong emotions are very common in the gifted - sometimes way out of what would be expected for the situation in most children.

It's common for gifted children to have 'hypersensitivies'. This means that some can't stand the texture of certain clothes or foods, some find certain noises unbearable etc. It's worth looking at whether there is a noise in the house she finds intolerable - even a loud ticking clock could be an issue.

Worry/anxiety is particularly common and the NAGC have a factsheet on supporting them through this. Maybe she would like a 'worry doll/teddy' that she could tell her fears to. She could have some pebbles/marbles to represent each worry that could be put in a 'worry box' and mum could look after them for her. (even if it's just 'want mummy' 'want daddy' 'feel sad' at this stage, she may understand and appreciate mum/you taking her burden for a little while.)

Most children don't appreciate mum dropping in when they're anxious as they get upset again when she leaves, but it may help to give this a go if possible. Even at this age, she may understand 'by the time you've had your lunch, I'll have popped in to say hello', provided that this is a definite of course.

I can't recommend the NAGC helpline enough. Do pm me if you want to chat about this more! (It can be very lonely as so few people understand!)

Also, (Sorry, I'm nearly done) the factsheets are free to members.

Gingham_Ribbon

Also, we had a great little book for talking about emotions with our eldest and that helped a lot. We'd talk about how Thomas felt in the pictures and I'd tell him about a time when I'd felt like that. Bit by bit he started being able to tell me about his feelings. It's 'how do you feel, Thomas?' Also, 'I feel sad' and 'I feel angry' were useful books.

brians_daughter

thanks GR, i cant thank you enough for this information, what you say about hypersensitivity is deffo true of Molly... me and her mum have spent hours in the past cutting labels out of her vests as she goes bonkers if they touch her skin - she has seen dermatoligists and the likes who found no reason why she would sit there and scratch herself raw where the labels touch her skin - cut them out never been a problem since...

She also wont touch certian food such as pasta, cut tomatoes anything 'slimey' we all thought she was just plain ackward...lol

And she cant stand the DVD player when its palying dvd's..she cries - we only found this out by keeping a diary of what was happening when she was hysterical and somehow the DVD player offfends her when it boots up and makes that ever so slight noise. Goodness, i coudl go on and on now thinking about it

Just rung mum who is on her way round now (they dont have internet anymore...long story about her oh and the internet) to read this thread.

Thanks sooo much x

Gingham_Ribbon

You're very welcome.

I'm so glad I could help. l wish I'd known what to look for when my son was that age. Knowledge is the key though. There are so many things that can help her. She's going to be FINE!