OH head in sand still

domesticgoddess

just feel really frustrated, with OH with his OD and unpaid credit card bills.

We've talked and over a month ago he promised me he would sort things out. And he still hasn't I don't want to force him into it but I don't feel happy at the size of his debt, I don't even know how much he owes but it is a lot.


I know I've asked this before, but what can I do, how do I get him to see it as a priority?

Thanks
DG

lynzpower

the eternal question.

There are plenty of us who have had this problem

I dont think weve ever come up with a definitive answer to this difficult question

LookingAhead

If your debts are separate and not secured on your home....then I think the only thing is to lead by example and keep on keeping finances separate.

I have knuckled down since November last year and my BF has been impressed by my efforts and always sees me doing a survey of some sort or seeing what I can sell on Amazon (or EBAY at the end of last year/begining of this year) or whatever. I am always on the computer on this site or looking at the financial spreadsheet and I bought Martins Money Diet book.

Now he has taken on (probably via osmosis...!) a more frugal approach to life and knows he needs to save - he even opened an ISA and is going to pay off all his VISA this month (admittedly it's not a lot but it's been hanging around).

However I am still trying to beat down the grocery bill but I do meet resistance here....however I know his heart is in the right place as he worries about us being nutritionally deprived! :rolleyes:

(As if I'd let that happen though!!)

raven_3

Hi

I'm in the same boat. I'm almost debt free after having had about 1.3k credit card debt (so not too bad). He has over 20k debt and we're only 23!
I've been very patient and helpful for over 2 years now but I know what you mean, it's so frustrating.
I guess you have to scare him into doing something about it. I've been arguing alot with mine lately as it's all getting too much and nothing's changing fast enough for the better.

Do you have a house together or plan to get one? Perhaps explain to him that he is jeopardizing both your futures with his reckless spending and it's selfish and you won't accept it. I know it's harsh, but if you see it as a very big deal that could have horrible consequences later down the line, it's kinder to be cruel now and hopefully open his eyes up to it.
Otherwise...there's not a lot you can do. Keep your own spending and saving seperate and try to get on with keeping yourself happy. I know it's hard, but just do what you think is right. Good luck!

Bestthingsinlifearefree

OK Ladies,

Here is a suggestion which may help make your OH have his light bulb moment.

How about denying him privilleges / benefits that only you can grant him ?;)

(cough, cough, nudge, nudge, wink, wink if you know what I mean)

Until he starts sorting his finances out.

As a bloke, I reckon that might do the trick better than nagging or argueing.


Best,

chelly63

Hi
My OH has now had his lightbulb moment, but it took way to long to happen and means now that he is much further in debt, than he needed to be. His way of sorting out his debts was to just get another form of credit to pay off the others, never a good idea at all. His lightbulb moment could have been when his debts hit 20K, instead of which its now 50K.
He now has worked with the cccs to begin a DMP albeit a 34 year one!!! so try and make your OH wake up and smell the coffee.
Hugs Michelle

MrsTinks

My other half has taken his time about things too and the more I weedle out of him the more he seems to appreciate that I'm not nagging - I'm trying to help
We have no joint finances so my debt is my debt and his is his However he is terrible at resisting things and his debt at the moment is a LOT higher than mine... Things kinda hit a low when his egg card was refused for being over it's £5k limit yesterday... Ok about £2k if not more is company expenses that they have been very slow in paying him (grrrr) but the rest is silly stuff (well ok not all of it but the car service was a bit hefty!).
One demand I have set for me to be the one to take out the loan for upgrading our/his car in my name is that I get access to ALL our debts, accounts and various bills and so forth. I want to know where every penny we spend goes (he will be allowed a "mad money" account where he can put a set amount in every month to save or spend with no questions asked by me I had to agree to some compromise as I am kinda invading his privacy a bit here...).
Anyway before anyone says anything then OH HAS to have a car that is max 5 years old and has 4 seats, it's something he gets over £300 a month allowance for from work. So yes MY debt will increase but the payments are actually less than he spends now on the plan for his old car.
Anyway after I told him off in no uncertain terms about having no idea what the balance on his CC card was he grudgingly admitted to feeling quite impressed when I always know exactly how much I have and where to get the most for my money. I have loads of pressies for x-mas already sorted and money and vouchers adding up to £181 now and months to go yet. So he admitted he needs to stop buying so much un-needed stuff. He will be getting an allowance to do with as he pleases and I will sort out all our bills, grocery and various repayments
It's taken time BUT it can be done (oh yeah and with any luck I will be having a DFW wedding next summer )

pounds_and_pensive

Bestthingsinlifearefree wrote:

OK Ladies,

Here is a suggestion which may help make your OH have his light bulb moment.

How about denying him privilleges / benefits that only you can grant him ?;)

(cough, cough, nudge, nudge, wink, wink if you know what I mean)

Until he starts sorting his finances out.

As a bloke, I reckon that might do the trick better than nagging or argueing.


Best,

I tried this tactic once, and consequently became celibate for four and a half years. It also creates costs all of it's own - not to put too fine a point on it, decent batteries aren't half pricey...

lynzpower

I agree, I think withholding the other, well, its gotta be impossible. My word its one of the most fun pastimes without spending money there is

And if I ended up single out of this plan, then who would pay half of the running costs of the flat :eek:

southernscouser

Bestthingsinlifearefree wrote:

OK Ladies,

Here is a suggestion which may help make your OH have his light bulb moment.

How about denying him privilleges / benefits that only you can grant him ?;)

(cough, cough, nudge, nudge, wink, wink if you know what I mean)

Until he starts sorting his finances out.

As a bloke, I reckon that might do the trick better than nagging or argueing.


Best,

And as a fellow DFW I think it only right that I offer my services to you ladies while you make your protest! :cool:

lynzpower

southernscouser wrote:

And as a fellow DFW I think it only right that I offer my services to you ladies while you make your protest! :cool:

You are all heart