£7k in 7 months...I hope!

Woowoo

I think turning 30 this year has really brought it all to the surface again. He has had the whole of my twenties, I have been completely faithful the whole time and I get nothing in return. It's like I get all the boring parts of being in a relationship without any of the commitment.

And although I didn't want children, I was against him having the snip last year as I felt it was unnecesary. I made it very clear that if I changed my mind I would leave him, but he carried on regardless.

Anyway, I could moan to you lot all day, but it won't change anything. I need to start doing some serious thinking, but I cant see the wood for the trees at the moment.

Please don't think he's a horrible person who treats me badly, as he really doesn't. He's just quite selfish I guess.

jtr2803

Woo, I feel sorry for you and I don't mean in a pity sense but just sorry because I can tell it's getting to you. It's hard for me to see your OH's side because I do believe in marriage but I also know a lot of men who don't and have long term partners they refuse to marry so there are women out there who I am sure feel the same as you do.

I think RP is right in that it *may* come to a head at some point but marriage also isn't everything, you otherwise have what appears to be a good relationship so I wouldn't want to advocate you leaving! Can you work out what % happy you are with your OH...sounds odd but hope you get what I mean. It's just an exercise to see how much it does bother you. I am sure us going on about weddings doesn't help, I shall refrain!

xxx

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

Me too, sorry Woo!

(Oh that rhymes! :rotfl:)

jtr2803

He does sound selfish but that doesn't make him a horrible person, just seems the two of you have very different ideas about long term commitment. I think I would feel exactly the same as you which is why I have my deadline, if I let it go on any longer than that then there is a chance we could carry on cohabiting forever with no further commitment which I wouldn't be able to deal with.

We are all here for ear bending hun and it's often better to talk about it then stew

Sending virtual hugs x

Woowoo

No please don't refrain from talking about weddings, I love hearing about what you lot are up to and your plans. That doesn't bother me at all x

It so hard to put it in persepctive, when your so caught up with being in a negative frame of mind. There are many factors that are bringing it to a head and I think I need to extract them one by one in my own head and start making sense of them to ensure I don't over react and do something I might regret.

Its just scary to think you might end up settling and time goes by so quickly.

I would say I am around 75% happy, I'm sure I should be aiming for around 90%.

Woowoo

jtr2803 wrote: »

He does sound selfish but that doesn't make him a horrible person, just seems the two of you have very different ideas about long term commitment. I think I would feel exactly the same as you which is why I have my deadline, if I let it go on any longer than that then there is a chance we could carry on cohabiting forever with no further commitment which I wouldn't be able to deal with.

You are completely right to have a deadline Jody, its much easier when you are clear about what you want and are prepared to stand up for it.

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

See this is where my problems are with wanting the proposal soon...

I know we are only 22 but after nearly 3 years together it feels like the right time. Plus when my sister got engaged this year she had only been with her bf a year, and my OH said 'I think it's too soon, I think 3 years together is the right amount before getting engaged'

So that statement is always in my mind. Plus, all of my friends are settling down now, I almost feel left out - and I know that sounds terrible!

I really want it to be when OH is ready, which could be any time now - I'm not sure although he does mention weddings a lot because whenever I mention my sister's plans I get 'dont you worry, our day will be better/nicer/more special', but I am SO ready now

Woowoo

My sister is only 26, but she left her boyfriend last year as after 5 years together she was ready to buy her own place and he wouldn't even move in with her.

They were still getting on fine really, but she had reached the point where it just wasn't enough anymore.

I think people are very brave for standing by what they want out of life.

Maybe your OH is waiting for their day to be over so that when he proposes it will be all about you two and there is nothing else going on the detract from it x

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

That is a good point Woo, everything is about them at the moment:

1. They are getting their new place in the new year
2. Their baby is due in May
3. They get married in August

God I sound so bitter and jealous! :rotfl:

RumPunch_2

It has to be about what is right for you, that sounds like such a cop out but it isn't meant to be. I knew that I didn't want to carry on co-habiting and I would be unhappy and resentful if we did.

That's the crunch, if you can be happy and not resent your partner then you shouldn't push it and risk what you have. What is right (or wrong) for other people isn't necessarily the same for anyone else. Time is different for everyone too and it is very difficult not to compare your relationship with other people.