help,,, seperation, house, kids not married

confused???_11

Hi all, my friend told me about this site me a few weeks ago and has encouraged me to join myself in order to save/be more savvy re money and gain help and support in my current situation. I am sorry if this is the wrong place to post but my friend assurred me it was ok to post here, so i will

basically.. been with oh 10 years. not married, living together 8 years, 2 kids

I re-mortgaged my house 6 years ago and put oh on the mortgage as he has lived there alomst as long as i had and paid bills etc, but he had not contributed to the deposit as that was paid for by the sale of my flat

Moved house 3 years ago as we wanted a family. Mortgage ended up in oh's sole name as i was inbetween jobs and had a disagreement going on with orange regarding an incorrectly placed default on my credit report (now all sorted). We told solicitor (no kids at this point) we wanted an agreement made up to state if we split the house was to be sold and any monies split 50/50.

When we went to complete the new sale solicitor said we needed to go back the week later to sign the agreement, all was fine appointment booked in. 3 days later my oh's mother died, so we forgot all about the agreement and flew 3000 miles to be with his dad and brother. we never did go back to sign the agreement... (how foolish, now i know!)

fast forward to 2010 and we simply want different things from life (been to councelling but it didnt help our relationship) anyway we have decided to split and he is saying i must leave as home is in his name with no agreement set up to say other wise.

Now i know this is true usually, but could i not argue the case that the intention was for the agreement to be signed, we actually paid the fees to do it - just with his mum dying we never did get round to going back to do it. Also, with the money from the house deposit coming from a jointly owned property and a property soley owned in my name perviously surely i shouldnt just be expected to uproot my kids and leave with nothing (either from the house profit or possessions inside the home)

He is saying stuf like the suite and tv and dining furniture were bought by him so they are his and i can have the kids furniture etc but nothing to actually sit on, sleep on (yes, he did buy them but only because i have been on mat leave for 12 months and didnt go back to work until 6 weeks ago)

I am booked in to see solicitor next week but cant sleep, eat or think for not knowing so any experiences would be great

[Deleted User]

U will be very aware that not being married makes financial settlements difficult.

But I am wondering if u can get copies of the previous solicitors case notes/the agreement. Might be worth asking this solicitor tomorrow if u/he can. It may help prove there was an intention to share the assets 50/50 even if it was not signed. It may not tho as it wasn't signed but still worth asking about.

mackemdave

Seeing as there are kids involved they will be treated as if they are married....He will still have to maintain the kids and therefore provide a roof over their heads....go see a solicitor or CAB....Tell him you will also get CSA involved if her continues to be unreasonable

brians_daughter

Hi, sorry i cant offer any advice (yet!) My sister is going through something like you - (last home in joint names, new in partners due to her being a SAHM and they were advised for affordability to just have it in his name and now hes found someone else and wants her and kids out the house!) we are off to see a solicitor on Monday so i can post what they said to us then, sorry i know its not much assistance as it leaves you the weekend with ifs and buts going round in your head but it maybe of some help?

Your mate was right, you are in good company here, and welcome! I am sure some omre of our MSE guys will be along shortly with advice.

mackemdave, are you 100% sure on this? Only ask as during my sis's telephone conversation with solicitor they told her unless they are/have been married what you have said isnt necessarily true (not the csa bit the 'roof over their heads' bit - surely by providing maintenace the ex is contributing to that roof?...I am not doubting you, infact if what you say is true it would be light at the end of my sisters tunnel, just curious to see if you know this from experience?

benb76

If you've been living together as a couple and you've been making financial contributions towards the mortgage payments then you are legally entitled to a fair share of the equity regardless of whose name is on the mortgage.

confused???_11

goodness, thank you so much for replying i didnt expect anyone to respond if i am honest.

My financial contributions have been to the bills and food and he pays mortgage, it work out exactly the same pound for pound. i understand this could be problematic? we have little equity in the house as we only put 5% deposit down and spent 20k doing it up, so considering house prices crashed probably 20k or so but still a sizeable chunk of money.

Does anyone know where i stand with the kids. can he make me move out? I know legally it is his home, but can he force us out, or could I stay? The area we live in i could not afford to buy in for a few years and the eldest has just started school and the school is accross the road and is settled. I really would not want to move them schools mid term when they have just found friends. Obviously i know i have to move out some time but he cant afford the house bills and mortgage and maintenace alone, and i cant afford to move out until the house is sold.

sorry for all the ramblings i just have so much going on in my head at the moment and want minimal disruption for the kids. IMO that would be staying here until i am stable enough financially and emotionally to find us a new home. we cannot stay with family as they all live 100 miles away.

RAS

confused

You need to see a good lawyer ASAP as your situation is very difficult. it may not be a divorce but I would siuggest one who knows the rules there.

confused???_11

Hi RAS, I am booked in to see a solicitor next week, i had to wait as they are very good (been waiting a week and got to wait until next Thursday to see someone. I tried the CAB yesterday but they told me they couldnt help and i needed a solicitor

RAS

OIn the mean-time can you contact the legal firm that did the conveyancing for you three years and find out what files they still have for this and for the agreement re the split that you did not sign.

confused???_11

Hi there i called them this morning to see if they stil had it on file they will get back to me, but maybe monday.

I have also found letters this morning before setting out for work that the solicitors sent us whilst away (due to his mother dying) saying that the appointment had been postponed for the signing of the trust documents due to circumstances and the convayencor had to register the house with the land registary and we will need to make another appointment to go in and sign.

I also have another letter that clearly states that the intention from both parties was to sign the documents to state that in the event of a split or the home being sold that any monies was to be equally distributed between the 2 of us - with the exception of the deposit was to be returned 70% to me 30% to him. It goes on to explain that the document couldnt be signed on the day of completion due to an error on the part of the solicitor (ie they forgot we wanted it doen so hadnt prepared it) and we had been booked in for x date at x time in order to complete the documents.

Needless to say both these letters have been scanned, copied and emailed to my work and personal email address incase i need to rely on them (which i expect i will do). At least it shows i gave the deposit/sold last home with the intention of the document being signed and processed. I would imagine that even if the solicitor doesnt have the documents that my copies would suffice (although i cant see why they still wouldnt have them, it was only 3 years - maybe touching 4 years ago)

I feel so much better for simply typing all this down

RAS

I would get the original out of the house and stored safely until you can give them to the solicitor next week.