Splitting up marital home

Gezza09

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Oldernotwiser

Why has your husband sided with his daughter against you, his wife?

gonzo127

i am so sorry to hear you are in such a tough situation and i wish i could help more

Now i just want to clarify something, are you and your husband getting a divoice as part of the spliting of the marital home?
if so how long have you been together, are there any other children in the house/involved?
if you are not getting a divoice has anything been said about how you will carry on being a couple if you can not be in the same house as him due to his daughter?

anyways other general thoughts
do you know of any reason why she is acting the way she is? if not have you suggested to her dad that she gets some counceling as it sounds very much like she could benefit from it

has your husband actually spoken to her about the financial situation of her actions - that as it stands the likelyhood is that they would lose the house and have to move - possibly away from her friends because of finding somewhere they could afford

as to a council house, i very much doubt he would be a prioity mainly down to as you said not being homeless at the moment, and the fact his daughter is not a baby

i do very much think you need to try and work out why she is acting so badly, and that her dad needs to talk to her like an adult since she is old enough to understand that her actions do and will have consiquences

smartpicture

I think you need to get legal advice promptly. How long have you all been living together? Although it's usually the other way round, sometimes where a step-parent has been supporting a step-child as a child of the family, when they split the parent & child get to stay in the house and get maintenance from the higher-earning step-parent who has left. Not sure if I've made that clear, but you could potentially end up paying for the house for her and her dad to live in, and it's you who would be homeless. Not saying that will happen, but you need to get proper legal advice asap.

Gezza09

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Gezza09

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Bubby

She obviously has very deep rooted issues:(, however due to what has been allowed to happen by your partner I would say that you are better off out of it all. I would "help" him to find a new property so that it makes it easier for you to move on and back into your property.

Gezza09

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Person_one

Gezza09 wrote: »

I have always said my step daughter seemed very troubled. We took her to the family GP who recommended she had pyschotherapy 3 years ago when she was self harming. I recently discovered that her natural mother and grandfather have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder which my or may not explain a few things??

There is a strong hereditary link with Bi-Polar. Did she ever attend the psychotherapy or have a psychiatric assessment?

Actually, its not your issue anymore is it, let the poor girl's dad deal with that. If I were you I'd be pressuring him to find alternative accommodation fast, if he works he can go into private rented.

Fang_3

Kick her out and him with her. She'll soon learn.

lynzpower

Gezza09 wrote: »

Yes she did attend pyschotherapy a few years ago but we have only found out about the bi-polar recently. We are all living apart at the minute which is killing her dad. the council have a massive waiting list and he will struggle with affording private rent. Neither of us want to loose our home thru having to sell it but I do not want her back here after everything she has done and the lies that she has told the police about me.

If you love her dad and you want to have a future with him then you need to take responsibilities as parents.

It is pretty serious for a child to be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. She is clearly a very troubled young person with lots of issues going on for her.

He can approach the council and talk about the "reasonable to occupy" regulations, I understand that this still exists. That indeed it is not reasonable for them to live there under the circumstances, so therefore they are homeless.

If you take over the mortgage on your own and buy him out then he wont have the home to live in will he so he and she will be made homeless.

In time, if you want to be together, you'll need to approach this head on, and in tandem with her CAMHS workers work out whether family therapy, including you is something they would recommend.

If you want to have a relationship with him, seems pretty clear that youll need to have a relationship with her. It needs to be adult and you as the grown ups should try to facilitate that as far as you can to aid her recovery, if indeed this is possible.