What would happen in this situation?

flutterby_lil

Hello MSE's.

Not really sure this is the correct place to post but was just after a bit of advice.

Last night I found out from the doctors that I have a shadow on my gallbladder and a growth, possibly cancerous. I struggled to sleep thinking about lots of things. This was very out of the blue as all i went for was an xray 4 weeks ago due to probs with my lower spine, possibly from labour!

Just to give you a bit of background info, I have a one year old (2 in July) son. His biological "sperm donor" died on my son's first birthday. After getting engaged and a planned baby he left me to get back with his ex, never seeing his son. I have been in a relationship with my new man since my little boy was 8 months old, very happy, he calls him daddy and my partner wants to adopt him and treats him as his own.

Now my question is this - if the worst happened and I sadly died, what would happen to my son if no will was in place?

I did go and get the ball rolling and saw a solicitor about the will, got a draft copy sent to me, I have just had that much going on overthe past year that I never went back to sign and finalise it. I intend to do this next week as a matter of urgency, or when I can get an appointment.

Thanks in advance for your help, suggestions, etc :j

BitterAndTwisted

Firstly: a shadow is NOT definitely a growth, and a growth is NOT definitely malign. We can all live quite happily without our gall-bladders so I suspect you might be seeing the worst outcome when it may not come to pass. I could try and tell you not to worry but I know that it won't help you to stop worrying. It wouldn't stop me worrying , either.

As you and your partner are in a long-term, committed relationship why not consider marrying and then move forward with the plan for your partner to adopt? This would make anything which might happen in the future altogether much more straightforward.

ETA: It's my understanding that wills can and do deal with material possessions and the like but not what you would like to happen to your children

pusscat

If you die without a will (or with an invalid will) then there are standard rules for who gets what.

This flowchart should help you work it out http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/docs/infoabout/civil/probate/Probate_WhoSurvivedTheDeceased.pdf

Puss
xx

Kimitatsu

If your sons father is deceased then it would be down to your next of kin to take care of your child. Either your spouse if you were married or your parents or siblings.

As has been said though many many people live without gall bladders and there are all sorts of growths that happen in the body all of the time, over 90% are benign. In the unlikely event that it was more than that with modern medicine today you will probably be fine.

I understand its a worry but you need to take care of yourself because those two chaps in your life will need you for many years to come, so try not to worry.

Britwife

Usually where children are involved you would talk to the person you would want to become their gaurdian. This is something that you really need to think hard on. Then you would have to see a solicitor and have documents drawn up. You would also really need to think about getting life insurance and naming the gaurdian as the beneficiary but with limitations. That money should make it easier to care for your child if something happens to you but you dont want it blown. Make sure there are provisions for college and savings for your child too. If a large amount is to be then it should be put in the hands of a trustee with your rules.

I pray you don't have cancer but as mentioned before, it doesn't sound life threatening.

clairehi

Britwife wrote: »

Usually where children are involved you would talk to the person you would want to become their gaurdian. This is something that you really need to think hard on. Then you would have to see a solicitor and have documents drawn up. You would also really need to think about getting life insurance and naming the gaurdian as the beneficiary but with limitations. That money should make it easier to care for your child if something happens to you but you dont want it blown. Make sure there are provisions for college and savings for your child too. If a large amount is to be then it should be put in the hands of a trustee with your rules.

I pray you don't have cancer but as mentioned before, it doesn't sound life threatening.

^^This.

Whateve the shadow turns out to be, it is not going to do you in before next week when you get to the solicitors. However have you got all of these bases covered in the will that your solicitor has drawn up?

What has the doctor said the next step will be re the scan results? Make sure you keep on their back to sort out any referrals etc.

flutterby_lil

Thanks for your help.
Bitter and twisted, I was only relaying what my doctor had said to me.
It is already stated in the first drawn up will what I would like ot happen to my little boy, purely I think as I am the only living biological parent.

I will get things sorted and get my will finalised asap.

Cheers guys
F_L

loulou123

Firstly i really hope that the shadow turns out to be nothing serious.

In answer to your question, i only had one parent (as my dad gave up all rights to me when i was born) so when i was very little my mum made my Grandad my legal guardian if anything ever happened to her.

Am sure if you speak to a solicitor or maybe even the CAB they will be able to advise you about setting up a legal guardian, which may be a good idea no matter what the results of your tests etc. Good luck.

NAR

flutterby good luck with your operation (assuming you will need one).

I think you are acting very responsibly, though I sincerely hope your wishes will not have to be acted on.

flutterby_lil

Cheers for your kind words loulou and NAR - i hope it is nothing too serious, but just being prepared, shame it takes a scare liek this to make us act.

I suppose my worry was, and is, that my little man would not be fought over (his sperm donor's family are trying to get back in touch after denying him and I don't want to know) and that my dad (who I have not seen for 15 years) would not legally get him. Just unsure how next of kins work. I know my man would quite happily take on the role, it was just if nothing was in place, then what would happen.

Thanks again :beer:

Pee

Appoint him guardian in the Will.

Do not panic but do make sure your health issues are checked up in a timely and comprehensive manner.

Consider whether your OH would like to adopt your son - how you feel about this and if you feel positive, how he feels. As the natural father is dead, that should be an option and make make matters easier for you all in the longer term.