Help with a 6yo and sleep

jodie114

I have 1 6yo son.
He has a terrible sleep pattern and i'm getting desperate as to how to regulate it now he is getting older.
We live in a terrace house, with bedrooms upstairs but everything else downstairs, and for as long as i can remember we have put him to sleep and then gone into our room next door and waited till he was asleep before we came downstairs.
But as he is getting older this seems wrong. we are having to wait over an hour or so every night for him to get to sleep, and he still hasn't got into the routine of if he goes to sleep late, he gets up late.
Bedtime is usually the usual bathroom bits, then a bit of tv in bed (depending on what time it is and how good he has been) and then kisses, cuddles etc and sleep.
I know at 6 they need about 10 hours, but he has always needed more, and when he gets only 10 we all suffer the next day with irritablility and crying that is more like a 3yo.
He usually goes up to watch tv at about 7 - 7.30 and is ready to sleep by 8 ish, but its regularly after 9 before he is asleep, and up again by 7am.
He is soooo bright, and top of his class at school, he is polite and well behaved, its soooo frustrating that we can't seem to crack this last problem.
I feel like i cannot trust him if i went downstairs when he should be falling asleep, i think he would start getting up and playing etc, and i would spend the hour or so holding my breath downstairs listening for any movement. His friends at school can go to bed with a movie etc and fall asleep to it, they all trust thier kids, so why can't i?
How do i approach him with a deal that lets him know i trust him, and he is growing up, but that he has to show me he is responsible?
At the moment its a case of going into his room every 10 mins and issuing another threat, no wii tomorrow, no football, no tv etc... and these are loosing thier effect.
help!

mummy_Jay

They say its having a tv in their room or other electronic things (thinking back to one of the supernanny shows). Also make sure his room isn't full of distractions, put the toys in the cupboard of something so they are out of sight. Take the temptation out of sight.

So how about after his bath getting him into bed with the curtain closed so its a bit dark, cuddle him up and reading to him for a bit? rather than putting the tv on.

He is going to make noise, boys this age like to see if they can push the limits, just make it clear you expect him to stay in bed he's a big boy now. If he doesn't try the supper nanny technic of putting him back to bed, first time saying back to bed good night (tuck him in), next time night, then after that not speaking to him. He's looking for you to engage with him, don't.

LJM

my little girl has recently turned 6 ans since she was a baby her sleep patterns have been irregular only last night she woke just after 11 and did not go back to sleep till after 1.30 so needless to say i have a very tired child gone off to school today.my lo is a very light sleeper so anything could wake her up the general things are if she ill/noises outside or a nightmare,she can even get up to go for a wee and then she a wake for ages. we just try to get her back to her bed and i sit with her till she drops off.not the correct way im sure by some peoples thinking but if we dont do that she will be up and down most of the night. i wonder if it was all down to me breastfeeding on demand which i did till she was nearly 18months which meant she was up when she was hungry. another thing we cut all tv time before bed nothing in their room which they can play like ds's etc if they want anything its a book along with the night time routine. it is a difficult situation and as i in some way am going through similar i have no def answer. all the mums i speak to say there kids are perfect sleep very well no problems i really cant believe 100% that this is the case tbh

mummy_Jay

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Health-and-Development/-/General-Health/Your-older-child%E2%80%99s-sleep-problems.aspx

Have a read of this article.

A short exert that seems very relivant is

"Make sleep easy Give your child a milky drink and encourage him to do a little quiet reading before lights out to help him wind down. Don’t let him spend the evening glued to the TV – watching the box too close to bedtime is associated with bedtime resistance, difficulty falling asleep, anxiety, nightmares and sleeping fewer hours. And your child’s bedroom needs to be conducive to sleep – dark, cool, comfortable and quiet."

gonzo127

right well simple question the threats of no wii tomorrow etc, do you actually follow them through? so say you tell him that if he gets up/starts playing with something again he will get no wii, then when he does do you extend the warning giving him a last chance then when he does something else its another threat?

me and my wife had this with my step daughter, my wife kept giving her warnings and threats, and then a different warning and a different threat for a different activity for example -
i want you to switch the TV of by 7 otherwise on playstation
come 7:15 TV still on, she goes in and says right that off now otherwise no playstaion tomorrow,
by 7:20 TV is off but now shes playing on the DS
so its a case of switch the DS of otherwise no Kids TV afterschool tomorrow
come 7:30 becomes a case of let me just finish this level...
well if you do not switch it off stright after there will be no kids TV

this carried on for quite a while intil my wife let me take over for a week and i didnt give her any extra final warnings, i told her what time i wanted her asleep with nothing on, and then informed her 5 mins before that time, when the first night she tried her usual tricks of swopping items, i confescated her playstation so she couldnt play on it the next day
the next night i had no problems as she knew i would follow through with my threats.

the thing you have to do with this however is to reward them when they do follow your instructions - a Mcdonalds on the Friday if they are really good with going to bed for example

skylight

(My opinion!)

Turn the TV off earlier - dinner and TV is over by 6pm in this house, then the kids play or read - perhaps let your son run around the garden for an hour to work off the last bit of energy?. Blackout blinds behind the curtains in the bedroom and take out the big distractions (If there are any) like a TV or computer and fav toys. Put him to bed about 7pm and leave him in his room.

If he comes out then put him back saying "love you, goodnight" - only say this once or twice. If he persists getting out after that then put him into bed (physically) in silence. You shouldn't need to stay upstairs, but you may be up and down for a bit!

Nothing is going to be an overnight cure - it will take days, perhaps even weeks (it took 2 months with DD3 when she was 2.5 and we maxed 197 returns to bed one night, that was the night she wrecked the bedroom, turned over the bed etc; she is almost an angel now.......) I still have to go up some nights to remind them to go to sleep and issue a threat or three, but mainly things are AOK and they are all asleep by 7.30.

And for what its worth, your sons friends who are left to nod off with a movie I think is very wrong too. Once in a while as a treat but not for a regular thing!

Just remember that what may work for others may not work for you. Its finding something that works and sticking to it. Perhaps have a word with his teacher? Ask her to do a group chat about the importance of going to bed early; then you can blame Miss X for it and he is more likely to respond if she wants it done!

mummy_Jay

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Routine-and-Teamwork/Sleep-problems-~-how-to-get-bedtime-back-on-track.aspx

Another useful article on sorting sleep issue with a 6 year old.

jodie114

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the advice. i kinda knew the tv was going to get some flack, and i know its probably the best thing to go, so i'll try that for a few nights.
I do carry threats through, but my partner doesn't, so my son plays on that, and ignores his completely, but now my oh is working shifts, it will be me doing the putting to bed and after school, thats why i wanted to get this sorted now.
My son doesn't want to go out in the garden if there is nobody out there, and sometimes i cannot get out there (i am disabled), and unless somebosy is physically out there with with watching him on the trampoline etc, he is not interested.
Do you think reading in my bed would be ok before bedtime? he has a high bed, and i cannot even get up the ladder, let alone snuggle with him!
I think the hardest thing is that he is not naughty, he usually doesn't trash things, or get up and cause a scene, he just lays there and sings, or makes silly noises, or just lays quietly.

skylight

Awww! He sounds as if he is AOK in bed then. I would just leave him be, but put him to bed earlier; he will drop off soon enough. Unless he is being naughty then I would just leave him on his own and not bother him.

Nothing wrong with reading in your bed; we do this often with all the kids in my bed for a read or even just a chat and they love it! Not so great when they are in there at 4.30am though......

gonzo127

i agree he doesnt sound as if he is doing too much wrong, and possibly just has a bit of a over active mind which he calms down with singing etc

therefore a bath and a book might be a good thing to start with since the warm water of the bath naturally relax's the body and a book could help calm his mind down

once you have finished reading with him/or ggot to the end of his own quite reading time give him a kiss and hug turn out his light and tell him night night and then just go down stairs - dont tell him you are going to do it just do it, if he asks you why you are not staying upstairs just tell him that you have decided he is old enough and is a big enough boy that you dont think he needs you to be there and that you trust him to get to sleep as he should

Jo_R_2

I do kind of know how you feel with regard to the worrying that they're not doing what they should be (ie going to sleep!) if you leave the room. I have realised though that with 3 and another on the way, I just can't be spending ages doing bedtime as I need a rest too:)

DD1 is 6, I've never done the TV in the bedroom thing as I do feel with kids it can keep them wired for a bit longer than is bearable! We do the routine, same every night, and do agree with a bt of wind-down time before bed, quiet time playing with toys downstairs or out running about in the garden (although understand this is not necessarily a regular option for you.)

I think you have to be firm but nice about it, I'd go a long way for a 'happy' bedtime but you have to set boundaries, that's fine - but I would say be gentle if you're making a fairly dramatic change. DD1 is going through a phase of being scared of being upstairs on her own (ie no adults, she does share a room with her sister who goes to sleep superfast but DD1 takes longer to nod off) so I promise her I'll pop up in half an hour/after I've eaten dinner if us grown ups eat late/that sort of thing, and make sure I do. Maybe half of the time she's still awake but I pretty much guarantee if I go up again maybe 15 mins later she'll have then dropped off - she often says "I was just waiting for you to come up Mummy so then I could go to sleep", which is fair enough as I know she'll drop off soon anyway.

I do think from what you say though that you won't have much trouble you know?