Odd behaviour from Mother-In-Law

Cash00

Auliro2

Yeh, i fully understand what you saying but again at least a bit of a hint from her side rather than pick up a bag and go...Communication,communication goes a long way

Pollycat

She left to get married to this guy we as her sons never met.....Told her how I feel about this.....No decency to mention it to her grown up kids til the last minute...(Happy for her but not happy with the way it went)

literally decided to fly 6000 miles away the month of baby being born and stayed 2 days after the due date.. She knew about pregnancy 8 months ago and decided to book a flight the month baby was due(baby due in May & decided to book a flight in May, 2days after due date) knowing that baby might be weeks overdue. Family meeting when things go wrong for her

I fully understand that my baby is mine and my wifes, not anyone elses....If people feel not be there on birthdays etc at least let me know rather than staying away because it will make me wonder..For example if I plan to invite family members (well in advance) on my sons birthday and I don't tell/invite her til the day. How will she feel? Happy for my son but not happy for everyone to know way before and for her to be told on the day,,, You know what I mean..

melancholly

ok, well flying off to get married and flying off for a holiday are different things..... if she's off marrying someone you haven't met (and presumably is bringing this person back to live with her?), then there are issues in your relationship full stop - this isn't about visiting a baby!

concentrate on the people who are there and worry about supporting eachother. the situation with your mum won't resolve any faster with you worrying about it, and with little sleep and a lot of stress, it's easy to make decisions that you might not have made with a clearer head.

BlondeHeadOn

Oh for God's sake! Your mum is an individual, she has a life, the whole of her world does not revolve around you and your new baby - much as you seem to think it should do!

She obviously had other priorities - hey, she fell in love and flew half-way across the world to get married to him, how cool is that! Good on her, I hope she'll be very happy. And just maybe you and your agonising about who to invite to what and when were not what she was thinking about at this particular time....

She may have just become a grandmother, but she is a woman and her own person first and foremost. And now a newlywed! I'd be really happy for her.

It annoys me the way some new parents seem to forget that other people have other things in their life to get on with - yes it's great that you have a new baby, but this is not the be-all-and-end-all for everyone one elses life you know .....

euronorris

Cash00 wrote: »

Yeh, i fully understand what you saying but again at least a bit of a hint from her side rather than pick up a bag and go...Communication,communication goes a long way

But, right now, you're not communicating with her either.

I understand that you may be on here simply to vent your frustrations, but......if you really want to get to the bottom of this, resolve the issues and have a good relationship with your Mum, then you need to talk to her.

She may be completely oblivious to the fact that you're upset and why. And there could be other reasons behind her not visiting that you don't know of because you haven't asked.

Honestly, if you want to maintain a good relationship with your Mum, then I think you should invite her round shortly after she returns to celebrate both the new baby AND her marriage. And then, you can talk to her about it all.

Extend an olive branch and see how it goes.

lucylucky

I cannot understand the chronology of this at all...

"My mom decided to jet 6000 miles away literally 2 days after the due date of
our son"

So she left two days after the due date.....or
"literally decided to fly 6000 miles away the month of baby being born and stayed 2 days after the due date"

She came back two days after the due date?

Just for info it is the saddest thing in my life that my Mother has very little to do with my DS, her one and only grandchild.

Pollycat

Cash00 wrote: »

She left to get married to this guy we as her sons never met.....Told her how I feel about this.....No decency to mention it to her grown up kids til the last minute...(Happy for her but not happy with the way it went)

literally decided to fly 6000 miles away the month of baby being born and stayed 2 days after the due date.. She knew about pregnancy 8 months ago and decided to book a flight the month baby was due(baby due in May & decided to book a flight in May, 2days after due date) knowing that baby might be weeks overdue. Family meeting when things go wrong for her

I fully understand that my baby is mine and my wifes, not anyone elses....If people feel not be there on birthdays etc at least let me know rather than staying away because it will make me wonder..For example if I plan to invite family members (well in advance) on my sons birthday and I don't tell/invite her til the day. How will she feel? Happy for my son but not happy for everyone to know way before and for her to be told on the day,,, You know what I mean..

I tend to agree with melancholly.
If she's met someone abroad, decided to get married to him, planned the ceremony - and hasn't told you or your siblings, then it does sound like there are issues in your relationship with your Mother.
Maybe she felt that (although you say you are happy for her) you would be censorious about the relationship.
Maybe she was waiting for him to make the arrangements for the wedding and didn't know it would be in May right until the last minute.

It sounds like you're being small-minded and mean-spirited when you say:

For example if I plan to invite family members (well in advance) on my sons birthday and I don't tell/invite her til the day. How will she feel? Happy for my son but not happy for everyone to know way before and for her to be told on the day,,, You know what I mean.

I think you should consider your new-born son and how you want his relationship with his grandma (and new grandad) to work out.

If it bugs you that when things go wrong for her she wants your help, then step back.
That may be a good idea if she's possibly married a non EU national who may want to come into the UK to be with her as it's not going to be that easy for them.

melancholly wrote: »

ok, well flying off to get married and flying off for a holiday are different things..... if she's off marrying someone you haven't met (and presumably is bringing this person back to live with her?), then there are issues in your relationship full stop - this isn't about visiting a baby!

concentrate on the people who are there and worry about supporting eachother. the situation with your mum won't resolve any faster with you worrying about it, and with little sleep and a lot of stress, it's easy to make decisions that you might not have made with a clearer head.

Cash00

"If she's met someone abroad, decided to get married to him, planned the ceremony - and hasn't told you or your siblings, then it does sound like there are issues in your relationship with your Mother"

"the saddest thing in my life that my Mother has very little to do with my DS, her one and only grandchild"

I fully agree with the above..........Guys I thank you for your time & support....I'm just gonna take things easy now that you've given things to think about and enjoy life with my family. Where would I be without MSE....God bless you all..