Odd behaviour from Mother-In-Law

Cash00

My mom decided to jet 6000 miles away literally 2 days after the due date of our son. My son was overdue by 2 weeks...She knew about the due date for 7 months and very nuch aware that most first time babies can be overdue by 2 weeks but still she went to book a flight and left...

As her son whose got no other family members in UK I expected her to wait til the baby was born and then make the trip....Everyone else from my wifes side have visited at the hospital and at home more than 3 times already and keep asking me when is she coming back..Not even a phone call to my wife seeing how she is (as labour was a bit complicated)and seeing that they had what I thought was a good relationship.

I feel like she's not interested in my newborns life..... If thats the case I rather know that assuming so that I can take necessary measures...

She's coming back soon and I've got friends who wanna visit to see my son...Should I just make them priority or the person who decided to live 2 days after the due date....

Pls help me !! Am I over reacting?/ How would you guys feel??? I'm really hurt by this...

cheepskate_2

your over reacting big time.
If you think shes not interested in the newborn, then you will take measures. How sad i can only assume you meant cutting her out of your life.

Be thankfull you have a healthy baby and wife. Talk to your mother when she gets back and sort it out

mazinmouse

First of all, congratulations to you and your wife on the birth of your son.

Re your Mum: Try not to anticipate every bridge - just wait and see what happens when she gets back. It may sound a bit far-fetched, but is there any chance that she feels a bit pushed out by the new-comer - admittedly before he even made his entrance. You don't need to make a point of finding out whether she's not interested - I think you'll get the message without having to ask.

May be this was her means of attention seeking or perhaps controlling a situation. Perhaps all this means a fair amount of change which she finding the thought of difficult to handle or come to terms with.

Quite a bit of your thinking is now devoted to worrying about your mum and her inexplicable behaviour instead of fully basking in all the joys, congratulations and compliments that will be coming your way from everyone else. Just my first thoughts on the matter and probably totally wrong!

Or maybe she was frightened and ran away in case things didn't all go well with the birth..

Just adding: I don't necessarily think you're totally overreacting but just stop thinking about it now, and concentrate on your wife and baby and see what pans out. Don't go imagining all dramatic scenarios, endings or outcomes! Chill Daddy!!!

PS - You don't need to keep a score card of the number of visits each family member makes!

LillythePink

You're not over reacting - I would be p1ssed with her as well for doing that - unless of course she had no option but to go then because of work committments etc

I probably would make friends a priority as well given the circumstances - but don't let it eat you up - speak to her when she is back and find out why she seemed so disinterested

Is it her first grand child? If so, then she may just have had a bit of a "mid life crisis" about being called a GRAN........to some women that really is a sign that they are supposed to be old lol

Have a chat when she gets back and then if you do need to do anything drastic after what she says to you, then you can make a better judgement call about it.

Congrats by the way!

Mupette

Your mum is grown woman now and can do what she likes.
I think you are feeling put out because she is not there cooing over the baby.

Have you made contact with her whilst she is away (if of course it is possible)

perhaps she wanted a holiday before the baby arrived and changed everything

If your friends want to visit let them.

smartpicture

I'm not clear whether it's your mum or your mum-in-law, you seem to be using both terms?

Either way, I would be wary of attributing motives to her actions without actually knowing what's going on inside her head.

Although it's 'expected' that new grandmas will be cooing over the new arrival, some women are not that maternal. Some grandparents struggle with babies, but are much better and more involved when they start talking and having their own personality. Maybe she's worried about being asked to do more to help than she feels capable of at her age / health / energy levels. Maybe she's trying not to be an interfering mum-in-law, or maybe she thinks your wife would rather have her own mum around at that time.

My own mum didn't come to see my new baby for the first month, despite it being her new grandchild. Her argument was that in the first month I would have lots of visitors and support, including my husband having time off to be with me. She didn't want to interfere with us developing our own nuclear family, and she thought she would be more useful after the first month when the initial excitement and visitors had tailed off and real life settled in. If I'd just assumed she wasn't interested and started punishing her or excluding her for that, my daughter would have missed out on a great relationship with her grandma.

There's enough to worry about with a new baby, without looking for more things to worry about unnecessarily. And I think you'd regret cutting off possible future family support in this way.

kazmeister

Congratulations

Just to throw another 'light' on it.

When I told my mum I was pregnant with her first grandchild her reaction was 'I told you I didnt want to be a grandmother'. I was gutted and walked out. During the whole of my pregnancy every time I mentioned the baby she changed the subject and I was at home and my son was a week old before she came to visit (she lives 7 miles away and my dad, terrified of hospitals had come to visit us while she stayed at home!) her first comment on seeing him was 'huh thought he'd have dark hair'. That was it!

I concentrated on my son and eventually she came round and admitted many years after, that she had just started going through the change when I told her and she was having difficulties coping with that very hormonal stage in her life and felt a loss of 'womanhood' as I was coming in to mine. It may be that if your mother is of similar age that she is 'coping' with something too.

I hope whatever it is that you can move forward and enjoy the relationship with both your son and your mum.

Cash00

Thank you everyone!

Hopefully you'll understand where I'm coming from

Since few things have taken place before this ......I just don't know what to think anymore......

She went to marry some other guy from somewhere..."Maybe she's trying not to be an interfering mum-in-law, or maybe she thinks your wife would rather have her own mum around at that time" I can understand this one but I rather she talks about it seeing she's the first one who wants to talk to us when things go wrong...

Thanks guys I think the best thing is to relax and enjoy time with my little one and see what happens when she returns...........


Thanks again

ailuro2

Perhaps she knows how tiring it is those first couple of weeks and was giving you a bit of space (unlike those other relatives who are round all the time!!)

I bet she will come round once your wife is feeling much more fit to cope with visitors, has breast feeding sorted and is generally feeling much fitter/ has recovered from giving birth.

don't push her away for doing something so selfless.

Maybe she knows she wouldn't keep quiet about how things were done in her day so is giving you a chance to do things you rown way.

Perhaps she is not doing it deliberately but wishes she could have had the same when she had her kids....

Pollycat

Cash00 wrote: »

She went to marry some other guy from somewhere..."Maybe she's trying not to be an interfering mum-in-law, or maybe she thinks your wife would rather have her own mum around at that time" I can understand this one but I rather she talks about it seeing she's the first one who wants to talk to us when things go wrong...

I'm a bit confused....

She went off to get married?

Did she have this trip booked before she knew your wife was pregnant?
Or did she literally "decide to fly 6000 miles away" 2 days before your son was due?
Did you know about this guy she had planned to marry?

"She's the first one who wants to talk to us when things go wrong" - do you mean when things go wrong for you or for her?

LJM

i have to say that your mum is from a nother generation not everyone likes coming to the hospital to visit my mum for instance didnt see mine till they were nearly 2months old at my house. i think you may be a bit to hard on her and if you cause a rift now your wife will have that to deal with along with a newborn. wait till your mum comes back tell her how you feel calmly and just let it pass. i have to say that when i had my girls the last thing i wanted was loads of people no matter how well meaning they were fussing all over me and babys especially when your tired and that included close family