new to all this!

SuziQ

mitchaa wrote: »

ISMI pays his share too?

I have a friend who told the DSS that her husband rfused to pay his half (he was actually giving it to her, but she was keeping it.)and they did pay the whole thing. I think it's wrong,but it does happen. If a woman is literally left in the lurch and the ex refuses to pay his half, what else can the pwc do? I feel that the help given towards a mortgage should be repayable should the house be sold at a profit later- and I say that even though I am currently recieving help and have equity in my property, I would feel it was fair if the money was reclaimed myself. For many people though, the cost of the mortgage is less than it would cost to rent which would be paid in full by housing benefit so it may actually be cheaper for the govt to do this. My mortgage is roughly half the cost of renting a much smaller house in my area.

nannytone_2

i think the least that should be done is having the person refusing to pay their half sign over their share of the property!

kingfisherblue

Not sure what ISMI means.

My ex refused to pay any of the mortgage once he left. Instead, he tried to bully me into selling the house, despite the fact that it has been adapted for our disabled son. I knew that he couldn't force us out of our home and I took legal advice. I explained to the DWP that he had left me without any income and that he would not pay anything towards the house (although he paid some child support for the first few months - then I had to pursue him threough the CSA for four years!). I don't know if the DWP or the Halifax contacted my ex, but I had no problems with getting the help to cover the majority of the mortgage.

My mortgage is around £225-£240 a month, depending on interest rates. To rent a three bedroomed house in my area is around £500+. It is actually cheaper for the DWP to help me with the mortgage. Also, a rented property might need adaptations, so privately rented wouldn't be a good idea. There are not enough adapted houses in social housing in my area. I know of one man who had an accident and waited for over four years before a suitable house became available - in the meantime, he had to live in a one bedroom house while his wife and son lived in a two bedroom terrace, which could not be adapted for his needs.

As it is, my son will always need to be cared for. I had to take my ex to court during my divorce, as he failed to submit required paperwork (but then tried to blame me for the divorce not coming through!). The judge ruled that my son and I can live in the house for as long as my son needs it as his home, subject to certain conditions. Then it is to be sold and my ex and I will each receive 50% of the proceeds. The thing is, it is quite conceivable that my ex could have died before the house is sold, as my son has a life expectancy of around 65 years!

LOZZY1

can i start by saying thank you to the supportive people who replied to my post. i came on here for help and advice, not to have people judge me on my decisions.

in regards to my mortgage i cannot sell. there is neg equity, and also my mortgage is alot lower than rent i would pay in this area (close to my kids school) i have been in contact with halifax who will not sign it over to me as i cannot afford the repayments on my income (which is currently £0 per month) so i either repossess or try to stick it out till the market improves enough to get out even.

my ex works from 6am-6pm and has moved some 50 mins drive away, so getting a job when he can have them isent an option. i also have no support from family/friends as they all work themselves, i am from a working family. not being rude to anyone but i had already thought of all these things before coming on here. its all new to me but i am not stupid.

thanks kingfisher, i was worried as i thought they may only pay half. my ex wil not/can not pay half as he has his own housing costs to arrange. he is also going to be paying me csa of about £40 a week and has alot of debt so apart from what he "has" to pay i dont expect anything else.
i have never had to do strict budgeting so that will be new to me but i am sure i will manage. my elder is in nursery thoguh nfortunatly due to an injury is unable to attend for the next 6 weeks

thank you supermom, i have worked full time since leaving school and paid my fair share of tax/ni myself! i didnt ask to be in these circumstances, i am from a hardworking working class family. we have never claimed benefits before. this is not a means to an end just a tempory measure to ensure my children are not disrupted too much. when things settle down i will obviously re-assess the situation and i would actually like to work, if not for the money, for the sense of normality and break from the kids.

thanks suziq for the advice

nannytone, they wont allow me to take over the mortgage as my income is not sufficiant to cover the full payment. so im stuck. even if he wanted to sign it over they still wont allow it.

one by one i am making the calls and getting everything moving. thank you for the advice and help fom everyone who contributed

kingfisherblue

Lozzy, I have been in a similar situation and I didn't think that I would cope. I am the first person in my family to claim benefits, so I know how difficult it is when you have a background of working and earning, rather than claiming. Even after five years, I still feel a certain amount of shame that I am on benefits, but working would not be possible for me because of the demands of caring for my disabled son. I am up several times a night with him, and when he goes to school, I sometimes go back to bed just so that I can have a few hours of uninterrupteed sleep.

Anyway, going off topic there. I just wanted to say that life won't always be easy over the next few months (when was it ever!) but it will get better. It might take some time, but you will gradually sort out the problems that you are currently facing and life with your kids will continue. I'm happier now than I was with my ex, although I didn't realise we had some problems at the time.

Good luck in your new life and I wish you and your children a happy future.

welshmoneylover

AnxiousMum wrote: »

That's okay Lozzy, no need for you to go out and work, or go after your ex for child support payments to help pay for the children you created together, or ensure that he pays his share of the mortgage/bills run up in your names - I, along with millions of others, will show up at work tomorrow to ensure you get your freebies.



Been there and done it myself with two young children at the time being a single mum and working.

Yup, me too, didn't stop me working though :T (except I got 2 dangly bits )

tea690

ignore people who say you should be working and not claiming..the benifit system is there for situations like this and your right your kids do need you around as much as possible at the moment...

good luck in your life hun i wish you and the children well

LOZZY1

just to again thank everyone that helped me and responded to my op

i have been today to claim IS and i had the most lovely advisor. felt a little sorry for him as i cried twice, kept forgetting things and didnt bring the right documents! but apart from that he was kind and understanding. i expalined that i wanted to work if it was viable and we worked through some figures, however, we both agreed for the next few months just to leave as is. i am going back in three months to join a work focus group??

i feel abit more posative, i had to actually get dressed today so its an improvment on the last week or so. i think i might be depressed but its still early to say, i am taking one day at a time. i never imagined being left with a house, two kids, pets and a mountain of debt thats for sure!

thanks for the support