Help me help my family...

pazza2000

Deleted........................

Britwife

I know this is hard but you both need to let it go and move on. He will heal in time. I know he wants closure but with her leaving, there was obviously something not right on her end.

Financially, I would check all credit reporting agencies. He will not be responsible for any debt not in his name and if he forged his name he needs to make sure it's been reported to the credit agencies.

I'm sorry that this happened to your dad, it's not fair and I can't believe how hurtful people can be. I truly hope he can move on without wandering why.

deedee71

I agree, stop focusing on where she is and with whom. Get your dad a solicitor who can talk to her solicitor to get the divorce/financial issues sorted.

pazza2000

Thats why we want to find out where she is. Not to drag her back, just for answers, infact they(My Father and my Step Mothers adult children) are beyond wanting answers.... they just want closure. My Dad is addament she has left for someoe else and that would explain alot, although if she genuinely has just moved out of unhappyness, we need to know.

xmaslolly76

Oh dear what a mess ((hugs to you both))

Not sure how you can trace her hopefully someone will be able to help with that one. As for the debts if they are soley in her name they cannot make your father pay them nor take any of his belongings. The best place for advise on that one would be the debt free boards they will be able to guide you on how to get the debt collectors off your doorstep until then if anyone comes knocking do not answer the door to them and make sure all your windows and doors are kept locked so they cannot gain entry. As for the credit card in your fathers name unless he is willing to go down the route of reporting it to the police as fraud i believe he will end up having to foot the bill. I would make sure he sees a solicitor quickly for some proper advise on the divorce issues.

I hope you can get it all sorted out ASAP :-)

dmg24

pazza2000 wrote: »

Thats why we want to find out where she is. Not to drag her back, just for answers, infact they(My Father and my Step Mothers adult children) are beyond wanting answers.... they just want closure. My Dad is addament she has left for someoe else and that would explain alot, although if she genuinely has just moved out of unhappyness, we need to know.

Be very careful with these efforts to find her - you could very quickly end up with a caution (or more) for harassment.

Scone_2

This woman sounds like a right piece of work. I just cannot understand how anyone could walk away from a secure home and 15 years of marriage without so much as a proper goodbye and an explanation to all those who would be hurt. She is a coward.

Your post is a long one so I'll just do my best to stick to the main points.

Your Dad needs a solicitor, and fast. The solicitor will advise on where he stands regarding a divorce and the financial settlements. The way this woman has left it he may not have grounds for divorce as she's not been found to have committed adultery and it would be a while until the two year seperation rule comes into play. I think he could get her for unreasonable behaviour though.

He also needs to get in touch with the credit reference agencies EXPERIAN< EQUIFAX and CALL CREDIT as soon as possible to advise that she has forged his signature to obtain credit in his name. He also needs to contact the police about that as this is fraud and a criminal offence. The police and the credit reference agencies will need to work together with your dad to sort it.

The police should be able to track her down. If she's not working and living in what you presume is social accomodation then surely she will be in receipt of some state benefits.

I think your Dad needs to write a letter to his ex wifes creditors and explain she has left without a trace and that he is not responsible for any of her debt. He needs to find out if the debts are secured on the house as this could have possible implications.

Please do not feel embarassed or ashamed about this womans behaviour. I know how it is with families wanting to keep respectable reputations but the only reputation thats been compromised here is her own.

Finally it sounds as though your being a brilliant support to your Dad, so good on you and even better for your Dad. Eventually this will all be done and dusted and he can start putting his life back together again.

Kimitatsu

pazza2000 wrote: »

Hello,


I really need some help and advice basically in regards to a situation my Father has found himself in. My Step Mother, his wife of many years has run away and left him. He had no idea, and does not even know where she is for sure as she will not pass on a forwarding address, nor does he still not know exactly why she has left in the first place. She has cut all ties and has called him occassionally only to discuss important financial arrangements. She claims to have left for being unhappy, and that she left in the stlye that she did(he came home from work and she was gone) because if he discussed her feelings with him he would persuade her to stay whoch she did not wish to do. Anyway, we suspect she is with someone else, infact it is almost a certainty, and she is keeping her new address, and therefore the answer to if she has left with another man at bay. She obviously denies this, although we would like to find out her new address(we think it is public housing) to find the answers for ourselves.

There is no paper trail in my Fathers house to give us any idea, she had this well planned. However she did transfer all the direct debits for the house into my Fathers name when she left, and she is not the brightest so there must be a way in which we can track her down. Any advoc would be greatly appreciated.

The bank cannot disclose her new address to you as that would be in breach of the data protection act. Is your step mother still on the account? If so then I would recommend that your father opens a new account and transfers all monies and DD's to that account. The bank needs the permission of both account holders to close or transfer the account into a single name, and currently she would still have access to that account and anything in it.

Another related issue is that she had some credit card debt, which my Father is not really clued up on -he just knew she has some debt. Well i have opened her mail(my Father told her on her last call to him that he had mail for her although she said she does not care and has redirected any important mail to her), and i have discovered two recent debot collection letters.

My Father and I are not familar with these types of letters, and it would be good if we could get some advice on the course of action to take seeing as he is still married to her, and they are being sent to his address.

They are from a company called creation, and this is a final notice. The other is from C.A.R.S and the creditor is monument. This letter states that it is an intended legal proceedings letter. It says contact us immediately or assets may be seixed etc. It is only for £400 although £400 my Father does not wish to pay, she has already left him in arrears with council tac and had taken out a credit card in his name(she forged the signature and this has been subsequently cancelled). As her Husband, my Father is concerned that this debt may effect him even though it is in her name.

No it will not affect him, the debt is in her name. All you need to do is write to them, explain that she has left and you have no forwarding address, they cannot chase you for this debt.

He would also like to move forward with a divorce, well.... he does not seem fussed about this and simply wants the house signed over to him, although i have told him these go hand in hand. He is worried that even though she has tentitively agreed to this(she feels bad for leaving although has no intention of returning or explaing why she has left, where she is, who she is with), that in time she will renegade on this and want half the house equity. I would also like to quickly know what rights she has. The mortagage is in my Dads name and she has borught in very little financially to the marriage in 15years. He is on good terms with her family(there adult stepchildren) who also want answers. Does the fact that she left in such a white trash manner, and had forged his signature to access credit help his cause??

Your father could divorce her on the grounds of abandonment as she has chosen to leave without any notice and has not told him where she is living. Be aware though that she may counter claim that with another basis for leaving. Regardless of who put the equity into the house etc, a marriage of 15 years with no children still in the property means that legally she is entitled to half of the house. Any behaviour regarding the credit cards is unlikely to be taken into account, nor her manner of leaving unless your father can show that she does not need to be provided for in any way financially. Into that pot will not only go the house but any assets they have (antiques, jewellery, shares, savings etc etc) and then they will be divided up on a 50/50 basis unless either party can show that they have a need for a greater share (disability, if your stepmother does not have a pension and had no chance to make provision as she was looking after your fathers family that sort of thing).

Anyway, i can see this is becoming rather large. Any help on any of these issues would be amazing, i do not know where to turn and we are embarassed by the whole thing.

It would be great if we could find out where she is, her family want answers although we do not know how we can find this out? ...& how do we deal with the credittors chasing her for payments we know noting about??

Many thanks.

If she has agreed to sign over her share of the equity all well and good but I think you will find that once she seeks legal advice she may change her mind. If she does sign it over then you will need her address, not only for the solicitor but also to serve divorce papers, so sooner or later she will have to give it to you.

Hope your Dad is bearing up ok, there is no need to be embarrassed, as my mum would say its tomorrow's chip paper, so the best thing to do is to let her go and ensure that your Dad is ok.

You could also try your local CAB to see if they could suggest anything but I think you will come across the Data Protection Act which will prevent anyone from giving you her details unless she has authorised them to do so.

pazza2000

I am embarassed for my Dad. The way she has left, the trail of debt and upset... admittedly i would roll my eyes and perhaps even judge if i knew this was happening to someone else although to us, i never thought it would....

Anyway, i am going to call the credittors and advise that she no longer resides here.

As for finding out where she is.... it is just simply for the purposes of one of our to locate and confront her, find out if and whom she has left for. It will provide closure.... My Dad is very hung up on her, and would take her back i believe if he could. She has called him(she has a new number which we all do not have) only to discuss direct debits etc a few times. It is us, both children and stepchildren who are pushing for closure, answers, divorce, financial independence etc.

As for divorce. Even though she has told my Father on the phone that she does not want this(odd, a she does say she is never coming back), we suspect in time she will. There are no adult children living here, my Father does have a pension and actually she is on disability, although that is only recently and she was by choice 'kept' up until then. There house is relatively low value and i think she took out a bit of equity to fund her new liftestlye/recent shopping addiction. I think she would be entitled to half although i could probably stump up some cash to ensure my Father keeps the house if need be.

What a messy situation. Never thought this would happen to us. A close family, and not one to behave this way... upsetting for all involved.

pazza2000

Ps. She cancelled my Fathers Credit Card?

RAS

pazza2000 wrote: »

Ps. She cancelled my Fathers Credit Card?

Which credit card, his personal one or the one she forged?

Ignoring this and getting onto more important matters.

The mortgage is in dad's name, so he is not financially linked via the mortgage. Did they have any other joint accounts (other than council tax)? I assume that her name is not on the deeds of the house either?

Your father can contact CIFAS, advise them that his ex previously took out an account in his name and get a preventative flag put on his credit records. This means that there will no automatic processing of credit applications BUT he can stop her doing this again.