Can't control myself

LavenderLily_2

I have always been bad with money, even as a child and I just seem to be getting worse. I am 26 years old and married with a 17 month old son. When I fell pregnant, I gave up work to be a full time mum; this was both my choice and my husband's. I am very happy with my life - all except for one thing. I can't stop spending money.

My husband took out a loan to pay off all my debts because I believed that if I could have a fresh slate, so to speak, I would be able to to get a better control over the situation. He made me promise not to get any more credit and I totally believed that I wouldn't.

That was about 6 months ago and I have, unbeknown to him, gradually kept upping my overdraft until it currently stands at £200. Now I know that isn't a huge amount of money but my housekeeping is £200 per month and that is all the spare cash we have - my husband doesn't even keep any for himself. I am supposed to buy the food and household stuff out of that and he covers all the bills. I just can't stop myself from spending money. I am addicted to spending and I hate myself. I can't believe I am deceiving my husband, who is such a wonderful, loving and generous man. He would give me his last pound if I asked for it. He deserves better than me and I know it.
The thing I spend all my money on is food. The first thing I think of every day is what I am going to eat that day and what can I buy to make myself feel good? I buy tons of food and eat it in secret and then throw away whatever I can't manage.

I keep writing out budgets for myself but I never stick to them. I am on antidepressants and don't feel depressed any more but this issue is really eating away at me - no pun intended!

I don't even expect any replies to this really because there are so many people here who have real problems and I am just pathetic. It just feels good to write it all down.

keith_lard

pathetic with money! you aint alone!;)

I am currently working on a spreedsheet (Excel) that will work on every penny you spend will alter everything!

If you see what you are spending alter's what you have left in the last week BEFORE payday maybe you think twice! hopefully I will:A :A


Will be posting my spreedsheet next week!

I guess it takes time to get used to living within a budget!????:p


K.:A :A

mrcow

LavenderLily wrote:

The thing I spend all my money on is food. The first thing I think of every day is what I am going to eat that day and what can I buy to make myself feel good? I buy tons of food and eat it in secret and then throw away whatever I can't manage.

Hia

You need to get down onto the Money Saving Old Style board. They'll tell you how to make just about any delicious meal you want at a fraction of the cost. They will also help with cutting down on ALL your housekeeping costs.

Being obsessed with food is fine. Being obsessed to the point where it makes you so miserable is not fine.

If you could cut back by even £10 per week, you'd make up your overdraft to £0 in less than five months. Think of it as a challenge (starting today!).

Take care and good luck.

btw, it would be a good idea to speak with your husband about this and share your troubles. If not now, perhaps in a few weeks after you've started resolving some issues?

spud30

Hi Lavender and welcome to DFW :beer:

I've found posting on here really helps me to be good. Sounds daft I know, but everyone here is trying so hard to repay their debts, I dont want to be the one to let the side down

Even though most of us have never met, and possibly never will, the help and support my virtual DFW family give me has helped more than they will ever know.

Stick around and we will all help you too :grouphug:

domesticgoddess

hi welcome, have you tried talking to your husband about the way you feel with money and spending and eating. Once to talk to him it may not be so bad, do you ever go out with your son and meet other people? A local mums and toddlar group, park. Or even Meet a mum? Maybe you just need some interaction with people to help keep you busy.

HTH a bit

All the best
DG

lizzie12_2

Could you have an account for the housekeeping and go shopping WITH your husband. He then keeps the card the rest of the time.

Try making a list before you hit the shops and try not to buy extras.(Easy said than done sometimes)

Are there any clubs etc you could go to with your little one to meet other mums?
Have you any family or friends who could help out sometimes?

Posting on here will get you some great advice and lots of tips, its a struggle sometimes but worth it in the end....
Good Luck......x

homersimpson_3

I am on antidepressants and don't feel depressed any more but this issue is really eating away at me - no pun intended! I don't even expect any replies to this really because there are so many people here who have real problems and I am just pathetic. It just feels good to write it all down.

why are you on antidepressants particularly if you are not depressed? why the low opinion of yourself and the prejudgement? there is a 'real' problem- this £200 is the monthly housekeeping allowance which has to feed and clothe you, your husband and you child who is totally dependent on you.

The first thing I think of every day is what I am going to eat that day and what can I buy to make myself feel good? I buy tons of food and eat it in secret and then throw away whatever I can't manage.

give yourself something else to think about apart from food and the baby- college course? what did you do before you became full-time mum? do you meet other people or is it just you and baby all day? you need adult aswell as baby talk? mother and baby group? etc

LavenderLily_2

Wow - thank you for replying guys!

I do have a great friend who comes round twice a week with her little girl who is same age as my son but she is as bad as I am with money so we are a bad influence on each other!

The weird thing about the food issue is that I'm not even overweight - I spend a lot of my day walking with my little boy but I also eat such a lot of cr*p and I would think nothing of spending £15 in one go on junk food. I think it's a problem I have got from my mum as she was bulimic when I was growing up although I never knew that until recently. Well, not consciously any way. I have obviously picked up her binge eating habits! I don't make myself sick though.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to change myself and become responsible. I don't want my little boy to see me being wasteful with money because he might end up the same way. I want to pay off this overdraft and then not get into any more debt. I will tell my husband once I have paid this off - I just don't want to see the disappointment on his face. He has been so wonderful and I am just taking the p*ss and it will stop now.

God, I AM writing quite a lot aren't I?! Verbal diarrhoea I think.

domesticgoddess

LavenderLily wrote:

Wow - thank you for replying guys!

I do have a great friend who comes round twice a week with her little girl who is same age as my son but she is as bad as I am with money so we are a bad influence on each other!

The weird thing about the food issue is that I'm not even overweight - I spend a lot of my day walking with my little boy but I also eat such a lot of cr*p and I would think nothing of spending £15 in one go on junk food. I think it's a problem I have got from my mum as she was bulimic when I was growing up although I never knew that until recently. Well, not consciously any way. I have obviously picked up her binge eating habits! I don't make myself sick though.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to change myself and become responsible. I don't want my little boy to see me being wasteful with money because he might end up the same way. I want to pay off this overdraft and then not get into any more debt. I will tell my husband once I have paid this off - I just don't want to see the disappointment on his face. He has been so wonderful and I am just taking the p*ss and it will stop now.

God, I AM writing quite a lot aren't I?! Verbal diarrhoea I think.

If he loves and cares for you he will be there for you and help, his intial reaction might be shock, but if he sees true remorse etc then he should support you. Tell him that you are trying to get help but need his help and encouragement. Also maybe you need to try and speak to a bulemic support group as someone who has been affected by it not as a sufferer.

Also there are people here who can give you lots of advice to start you off.

Keep posting

keith_lard

LavenderLily wrote:

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to change myself and become responsible.

It is possible!!!:A :A :A :A

But it may take time!

Small steps forward are never repeated!;)

Take you time moving forward, you aint alone, post back when ever you need help or advice, there are plenty of us in the same room as you!:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


K.:A :A :A :A

mrcow

If you really want to stop this, then you need to think about your spending habits. When do you normally overspend on food? How do you pay for it? If it's with cash or on a card, then go out with less cash and don't take your card out with you.

You really can do this. You need support (which you WILL get from here) and determination (which only you can provide )