Can we afford a baby?

AlwaysWorking

Hi. I understand your desire to have a baby...but I'm with Oldernotwiser on this one. I think being in debt is a stress you could be doing without when you've just had a baby. Could you perhaps get a part time job to help pay off your debts quicker? Have you anything you could ebay to raise a bit of money to chip away at the debt?

Money_maker

maryotuam wrote: »

It was only when my 2 children were teenagers that our finances improved. But we were happy, lived frugally had camping holidays etc. My kids have never been materialistic and I am very proud of them.

What children want most is your time and attention. Giving them too much makes them grow up shallow and self centred. So money is irrelevant. Going to the museum library or park is free.

Go for it. Having my children was the most important and wonderful thing I have ever done. They have grown up to be hard working, sensible.and caring.

Similar to us although I went on to have another one once debt free! Being tight with money and having lots of secondhand/budget clothes/toys doesn't mean they are deprived - it means you make the most of what you have and your children grow up appreciating everything they've got. It's hard to explain but once you see a spoilt child who has every material item they want but missing what they really need then you'll know what I mean!

itsallinthemind

Unusually for me(!) I'd take the sensible route

I'd work towards debt-free date January 2012, any excess to go into account for Wedding, to keep my focus

January 2010 onwards working towards a late summer 2012 cheapish wedding, with a last time irresponsible cheap holiday/honeymoon where all forms of contraception are abandoned

Then saving from when married for the earnings shortfall possible from 9 months time onwards, whilst squirreling away finds on ebay/freecycle

Nothing works to plan of course, nobody can ever afford children as such, but I would rather get rid of debts first. Financial issues and babies put a lot of pressure on a relationship, combined they can break even strong ones. Also you have no idea what tomorrow brings, I would not be looking to conceive at present unless I knew I had 6 months of wages saved.

Packers

Thanks everyone...wasn't expecting so many useful replies!

It's not easy to make a decision and thanks for all the reassuring comments.

Oldernotwiser, I do appreciate your input- I posted the question on here to get all perspectives on things, positive and negative- I think I've still got a bit of time to pay off my debts and start a family when I'm a bit more financially secure....although I did resent the 'irresponsible' comment a little when there are hundreds of thousands of people in this country on low / no income who churn out kids just to make money from the welfare system....THAT is what I call irresponsible!! I am a relatively sensible, middle-income earner who just wants to consider their options.

However I do take on board your point that, if I were to switch to part-time hours (or even maternity leave) I would take a significant hit in my income and I think this is what worries me.

I think I should stop being so paranoid that I am going to become suddenly infertile in the next 2 years! Or, now i've got an end date in sight, maybe I can time the conception (?!!) to coincide with the date I become debt free, ie. get pregnant in time to have the baby in Feb / Mar 2012!!!

Thanks again for all the advice.

Packers x

jcr16

i agree with most of the other post's. if your waited till the perfect time or till u could afford it. you'd prob end up never having a child. Once you have a child or children you do always manage.

Your not an old mum having said that when i had my first child at 22 ( although i was 21 when fell preg) i got told i was old for having my first. gotta laugh. i'm 28 and now considering my 4th so who knows what i'd be classed as now,lol.

honeypop

'Affording' a baby has little to do with what things you can buy for it, as most people say all you need is very little equipment.

The most expensive thing to account for is the drop in income during maternity leave, and then when you return part time, and then the costs of any childcare. If you can afford to live and continue debt repayments during this time then yes you will able to afford to have a baby. If you won't be able to manage on the lower income, then you won't be able to afford it.

If you cannot afford to get married before your debt free date, how will you cope with the drop in income for maternity leave and part time working?

Not getting at you personally OP but anyone sensible and a middle-income earner who knowingly makes their financial situation worse when they have a large number of debts to repay, when they could have waited a little longer, is quite irresponsible imo.

Has someone from the NHS specifically told you that 31 is an 'old mum'? I've never seen that anywhere, and wondered if it's a new thing as that wasn't the case when I had my baby last year.

Oldernotwiser

Packers wrote: »

Thanks everyone...wasn't expecting so many useful replies!

It's not easy to make a decision and thanks for all the reassuring comments.

Oldernotwiser, I do appreciate your input- I posted the question on here to get all perspectives on things, positive and negative- I think I've still got a bit of time to pay off my debts and start a family when I'm a bit more financially secure....although I did resent the 'irresponsible' comment a little when there are hundreds of thousands of people in this country on low / no income who churn out kids just to make money from the welfare system....THAT is what I call irresponsible!! I am a relatively sensible, middle-income earner who just wants to consider their options.

However I do take on board your point that, if I were to switch to part-time hours (or even maternity leave) I would take a significant hit in my income and I think this is what worries me.

I think I should stop being so paranoid that I am going to become suddenly infertile in the next 2 years! Or, now i've got an end date in sight, maybe I can time the conception (?!!) to coincide with the date I become debt free, ie. get pregnant in time to have the baby in Feb / Mar 2012!!!

Thanks again for all the advice.

Packers x

I'm sorry if I dropped in the word irresponsible inappropriately.

Why don't you start living on the money you would earn when working part time and throw everything else at your debt. You may pay off your debt earlier by doing this and if it's unmanageable, then you'll know you have to wait until you're debt free.

summerday

Packers, if I was you I think I'd be doing everything I could now to reduce the debts at an accelerated rate, taking on second and third jobs if possible (in fact I do this now even though my only debts are to the Student Loans Company and my montgage). This will then let you be able to save up the money you need for the wedding sooner, and get you to be in a better position financially to have a baby. Your idea of having time frames to aim for is a good one, as this can act as a goal to spur you on.

I don't mean to worry you, but having read several fertility books recently (I am 5 weeks pg) I have been surprised to see how fertility in women declines steadily past the age of 30, and even more sharply past the age of 35. Men's fertility also decreases past the age of 24. Yes, of course lots of women have babies after 30, but the later you leave it, the more the statistics are against you, and no-one (including younger women) ever knows if they have fertility issues until they start trying for a baby. Hopefully all will be fine for you and you will conceive quickly but cannot be assumed so.

I very much agree that the biggest financial cost in having a baby is having your household income slashed in half, then, if you go back to work, forking out for childcare, so all the more reason to pay off debts asap to make it easier.

I too am surprised how posters have said that 31 is considered to be old to be a first time mum in the UK, according to my link here http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/intro.htm "In 2006 the mean age for giving birth was 29.2 years, whereas in 2001 it was 28.6 years of age", so I'm especially bemused how jcr16 was informed that 22 was old to be a mum, according to this data she was about 6 years younger than the average age at the time. That person who told you clearly didn't know their facts!

Good luck to you Packers, you are at an exciting point in your life with lots to look forward to, it's just about dealing with your finances as efficiently as possible to give you more choices.

samandona

Bufger wrote: »

If the child will have a loving home thats far more important than financial stability.

Have to totally disagree with you here Bufger. The implications for a family not having money can be massive. Stability was perhaps the wrong word. As long are stable enough to support the kiddy for the next what, 20 years, then best of luck with the conceiving. But as someone else said, if you struggle to pay debts now, or its going to take you 2 years on a good wage, how would you manage with severly reduced income and more outgoings?

Food for thought.

brians_daughter

considering your DMP i would wait. But i am very oprganised,and like knowing i am secure.

I would find out what you would live off whilst on mat pay and try to live off that - throw the rest at the debt - clear the edebt sooner, get preg sooner, or you mention a wedding, are you doing it 'on the cheap' ie no silly expenses? If you can cut back you could put the money you saved on wedding towards debt.

I had my 1st child 11 years ago and we could afford it. When i wanted child 2 things were different, our mortgage would triple as we would need to move home, my mat pay wasnt as good as at the company i was with when i had child 1, oh was commission based the list goes on and on. We waited for 3 years after deciding we wanted another child before we started 'trying' for number 2 because we wanted to ensure we were financially stable. This meant that when i was due to go back to work i didnt have to if i didnt want to, we learnt to live on 1 wage and did so quite comfortably. Youngest is 17 months now and i have just started to work part time because i want to, not because the pressure is on. So, for me waiting the 3 years has paid dividends, if we had had a baby when we 'wanted' one I would have to have returned to work when baby was 4 months old and i didnt want to do that -so chose to wait

You dont need me to tell you but a baby is hard work, it drains you, changes your relationship and is the most wonderful thing you will ever experience - but if you have other worries ie money etc on top of that it can impact your relationship in a massive way.

As i say i would look at reducing the debt now - theres 8 months left in 2010 - why not throw all you have at the debt and re-asses then. This should be the incentive you need to clear the debt as soon as you can!
Even with a debt free date of Jan 2012, if you started to try from March/April next year you would be debt free by time baby is born, even if you got caught straight away! If you are on the pill etc i would consider coming off it over the next few monthsand using barrier methods as it can take 6 months for your cycle to return to normal

But its each to their own, and with your maternial instincts kicking in all common sense and planning can go out the window! Good luck with the wedding and baby planning! You have a busy 18 months on your hands!