Help with sorting out this mess please

Hootie19

lizzie12 wrote:

You mention that things are not too good in the "cooking and baking" line....
Does your daughter like baking? Has she tried? Its a thought , would save having to buy them - could they not help out with small jobs around the house if/when they are at home. Sorry if they already do this but you didnt mention in your threads.

Keep up the good work, loads of info on here.

My daughter can make nice victoria sponge cakes, but that's about it! And there's only her and one of the boys who will eat them, so it's a bit of a waste of time really!

However (oh gosh I'm doing it again - picking holes in some really good suggestions. I'm so sorry) - as she is diabetic - quite newly diagnosed and still finding it very hard to come to terms with - it seems a bit harsh to ask her to bake stuff that she can't even eat with us. I bought a diabetic cookbook, but it seems that it's American and a lot of the ingredients I've either never heard of, or can't find.

To be honest though, I'm not even convinced that home baking works out cheaper, especially when you look at some of the value brands at the supermarket. Am I wrong in this?

Hootie19

everyone else - I know, I know, I know!

I *know* that realistically there are things that just *have* to go. I think there's a huge element of guilt within me still. The kids didn't get us into this financial mess - we managed that all by ourselves - so I don't want them to have to give up the little they do have to get us out of it.

I do know, in my heart of hearts, that it's not realistic for us to keep on giving the way we do, and we will sit down with them and show them the budget to explain why things can't carry on.

Regarding my son's golf lessons, unfortunately you have to pay upfront for each "batch" of lessons. You have to pay 6 weeks at a time, and if you don't go one week, you can't claim a "credit" for it. So it's every week or nothing. We have asked if there is any kind of job he could do there (including collecting balls from the range) either in lieu of payment for lessons, or for a wage, but unfortunately, there's nothing available there.

I will get the details of our debts to post later, but in the meantime, I want to say a BIG thank you to everyone who has posted with advice, information and comments. I *am* taking them all on board, even though it seems that I'm not.

(Is it common to accept you have problems but still be slightly in denial?!)

CFC

Lovely and most charming Hootie, when our debts affect our nearest and dearest it hurts. Of course you don't want to cut down on what the kids have. We'd rather cut out our own tongues most of the time.

But have you thought of it this way? Your SOA shows more going out each month than coming in, so how are you even going to pay the extra £35 a month to the mortgage company for the arrears?

You're in arrears. You're not sure how to get out of arrears. What is going to stop you getting into *further* arrears? You say that you've had a lot of 'head in the sand' moments in the past. I have to be honest, and say I really think that you're having one now.

THERE IS NO MAGIC WAY TO CLEAR YOUR DEBTS AND REDUCE YOUR EXPENDITURE WITHOUT CUTTING BACK. CUTTING BACK HURTS, AND IT'S NOT JUST YOU THAT HURTS - BUT IT HURTS LESS THAN HAVING NO HOUSE AND/OR CCJs!

Please don't think I am being unsympathetic because I'm not. But the banks aren't going to think, oh let's let this couple off because they deserve a few breaks for their kids and some small luxuries for themselves.

Let's look at recent unnecessary expediture - £50 a month for two mobile phones. Did you really really need those? No, of course you didn't. Two pre-pay phones on bargain offer somewhere would have cost you £50 outright and no more to pay except for usage. They could be used for emergency only and not for chit chat as you have a land line at home.

£30 a month for hairdressing? Is that essential? No, it could be cut down.
£8 a month for a war games club? Essential?
£42 for sky boxes?

If you are still in the cooling off period for the mobiles,get rid of them.

I suggest as another poster mentioned, you think seriously about the boiler insurance. How old is your boiler? BG won't repair any over, I think it is 10 yrs, so that's money wasted.(they always tell you they can't get the parts, not generally strictly true but that's the way the way their policy plays) £24 saved
£25 saved if the golf lessons go
£15 saved if the contact lenses go - if your daughter is a diabetic,I have to say that I'd be personally thinking she is better off with glasses anyway due to the lesser eye oxygenation with Contacts.
Lose the second skybox, saving (I might be totally wrong here, because I'm with cable) £25 a month.

Making these changes would leave you £152/£177 each month better off. Within 2 months you could buy a TV outright. Then you'd have another £27 a month saved. You could then give your son a golf lesson once every two months instead of every month.That still leaves you with an extra £139 in the kitty every month.

Perhaps your eldest could do a paper round if she can't find work in shops? Or perhaps she could babysit to earn herself some cash? And personally I think just on principle you should cut the 14 yr old's pocket money. £10 a week seems far too much for a child of 14 - they will never learn the value of money that way.

Your food bill is quite high, but you may find it difficult to cut down with a diabetic daughter - but do make sure that you generally buy supermarket 'own brand' stuff and that you are heavy on the veg and light on the meat. That's better for your daughter, too. Also make sure that your fruit and veg are bought at a greengrocer's and not at the supermarket. If your eldest and middle child aren't working, then going and getting that shopping for you could be one of their weekly chores for their pocket money.

I do hope you understand that I'm posting this with the best will in the world towards you. And if you ignore it, it's a free world!

CFC

PS - I've just read a post, which I missed - your daughter is newly diagnosed and struggling to come to terms with it.

This is a huge and difficult life change for her. Now is the time to STOP buying cakes, biscuits and high fat junk like crisps etc. She should not be eating it, and if it's in the house it's a temptation that she doesn't need right at the moment.

http://www.diabetes.org.uk/home.htm

this is the home of the British Diabetic Association - they are a fund of information. I strongly suggest you get her a membership of the Association - £10 per year for those in education, they are very helpful and it will make your daughter more educated in her condition through the magazine they publish. Self education and management is key to a long and healthy life for diabetics. It also helps because it will help her to realise that many other young people also have this condition.

Hootie19

Firefly wrote:

Have you tried to claim DLA Disability Living Allowance for your son with special needs? Or Carers Allowance. I know that the forms can be a nightmare and that the first claim is often not successful but there will be MSE members who can help you with all that.

I know it's harsh, but until you get back on your feet you need to make the children stand on theirs. If your son wants a golf lesson then he should pay for it himself, after all he could stay in and watch Sky TV!

I hope it all works out for you but your priority is to keep a roof over your heads and not do things you can't afford to do. As a single parent, my children have had to learn the hard way but have benefitted along the way. With two parents you need to show a united front but be clear with them as to the reasons for the cutbacks.

I wish you well.

We tried a few years ago and got turned down flat.

I have this morning rung and asked them for a claim pack, so we can try again. Nothing ventured etc etc

And I think I definitely overestimated the dog's food. A large bag yesterday cost me £20. She'll never get through that lot in 6 weeks. A tiny tiny "saving" but still a saving.

I've offered the extra on the mortgage because everyone on here has rightly said that the mortgage has to be the priority. I've been told that my child benefit WILL increase as the older two are at college, so there's more money in the budget from there, and I told my oldest son that he has to choose between Sky Sports and golf lessons. It's hard getting through to him, even with putting the paperwork in front of him, but he's mulling it over. I'm dreading telling him, although I do accept we have to, that actually, it's going to be both, at least for the short term.

Plus, I know our food expenditure borders on the ridiculous, and I WILL get that down by a big amount, which again will put extra into the budget.

And yes, the two mobile phone contracts were a stupid stupid stupid mistake. Unfortunately, we are beyond the period where we can cancel them, so we are stuck with them for the next 16 months. However, slightly (and it is very slightly) on the positive, we can sell the phones and raise a bit of money to reduce one or other of the debts.

The £30 for hairdressing, of course, is a ridiculous figure. But it was on the list of Payplan expenditures and I made a guess at it. Once the colleges go back in September, my daughter and I (the two "expensive" heads in the house) will have ours done at the college she's attending, which will vastly reduce our costs in that respect. In fact, I don't think I spent more than £50 in the last three years at the hairdressers myself. It's only now that I'm in a real workplace, rather than working from home, that I feel I really ought to try to look presentable. The three males in the house will still need to get theirs cut, but I don't think the youngest would be able to get to the college (as they keep the same hours as his school) although the older one should be able to on his two days off from his own college course, and hopefully my husband will be able to get an appointment there on the weeks he is on late shifts and not leaving home for work until about mid day.

I need to answer more, but I am running a bit late for work as it is, and as there is a £100 bonus each quarter if you are not late, I think I need to get there on time.

Again, and again and again . . . . . thank you for your input. I am getting fed up with myself for seemingly not taking on board the excellent advice, but honestly - it is sinking in slowly. (Can't say it's not hurting though :-/)

debtfreelondon

I agree with all the other posters on here - you need to assess what you've got coming in and what you have going out.

On the face of it you have around the right level of income to pay for your current lifestyle.

However, you haven't listed any of the unexpected or annual expenses that any family incurs. Where did you go on holiday last year, how many times do you go out for dinner/drinks. How much did you spend on Xmas last year.

You have listed £6,300 of debt (excluding your central heating loan). If you were only spending what was on your SOA you wouldn't have this debt. Even only taking into account your listed expenditure you have no way of paying this debt off. You also need to take into account the amount of interest you are paying.

You've made the first step and come on here. There are many, many good people on this site who have gone through exactly what you are going through and understand how difficult it is. Your children must also understand how they need to cut back. It's ok to consult with them but what if your son's answer to "it's either golf or Sky" is "I need both of them"- are you going to be strong enough to make the decision?

At the end of the day it does come down to what you are prepared to save (and sacrifice) in the short term in order to keep your home and maintain your lifestyle over the long run.

alec_eiffel

Hi!

I have to agree with CFC with regards to joining the Diabetic Association, it is well worth the money. The magazine was really helpful to everyone in the family, I think everyone learns something from it.

We also got hold of quite a few good nutrition books from the nurse in the early stages so perhaps you/she could ask for some titles at least if they can't supply you with them.

good luck.

anniestar

Hi i know it can be mega hard to make savings so i thought id give you a few ideas. We got our tv from a sale of ex rental tellys. It cost us £55 and was gaurenteed for three months-we have had it for 4 years this Aug bank holiday. It was Granada or radio rentals we saw a poster advertising it. Failing that you could contact a rental company as they regularly have clearouts of rental sets. Hairdressing, when you start to get your hair cut at college ask if any of the students would come to your house to cut your sons hair. Regarding the Sky/golf dilemma for what its worth I think you would be so wracked with guilt that its likley that you would overcompensate if you stopped both, so go with the original plan. It is cheaper to bake etc, mind you I ADORE cooking and its never a chore for me I find it very relaxing. I have squillions(!!) of recipies that are cheap and dead easy including a wonderful youghurt cake that you dont even have to weigh the ingredents please feel free to PM me if you want any recipies(god im SO boring). Also dog walking is a pretty good way of earning extra cash, probably worth a small ad in your newsagents. Best of luck, this is my second(much smaller you will be pleased to know)post My computer got so fed up with my ramblings it went offline and logged me out!!!!! Hope this is of some use.Take care.Annie.XXX

Firefly

Not sure where you are in the UK but I've got a spare TV in the garage if you need one.

CFC

Dear Hootie, yes, it sinks in bit by bit and it does hurt. It's a bitter pill. But you are putting yourself on the right and sensible path now by seriously taking a look at all these things.

And remember - you may have got yourself into a mess, but you won't find anyone here who wants to judge you, just to help you. Heavens knows you are NOT the only person in the world who has suddenly realised they have a bit of work to do to sort themselves out.

Lots of us have also been silly or unfortunate or both, and got into financial trouble. We do all understand...most of the posters have been there,done that and got the tshirt.

On a positive note, you'll see from some people's signatures on this board,especially, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Your situation is not hopeless, and it's certainly not for ever.