Help with sorting out this mess please

lizzie12_2

You mention that things are not too good in the "cooking and baking" line....
Does your daughter like baking? Has she tried? Its a thought , would save having to buy them - could they not help out with small jobs around the house if/when they are at home. Sorry if they already do this but you didnt mention in your threads.

Keep up the good work, loads of info on here.

bargainbetty

Hootie19 wrote:

I am now going to be the type of person I hate, and just go through and say why some of the suggestions are no-goes!


We have three kids. Aged 18, 16 and 14. The 18 year old has applied for loads of part time jobs, but has had no success. She can work in bars, babysit, do ironing or whatever, but she is old enough to take care of her own personal needs, given that you pay for her roof, food and travel. Once she gets a job, she should be paying for that too. What about office temping?

The middle one has special needs Have you tried contacting the appropriate support group for the area? They may have a list of firms who are willing to take on staff with special needs. If you are vaguely religious, speak to your local church who may be willing to recommend him for lawn-mowing, car-washing etc - anything to give him a start

The youngest one is too young for any work that I’ve seen Fine, but what about helping around the house - maybe they can get that breadmaker working properly.

I know our food budget is ridiculously high. Plan meals, and encourage the kids to get involved with the cooking. Filling bottomless pits would be easier with fruit and veg bought from markets, than with cakes and biscuits. Make big curries (PM me for a recipe that feeds 5 easily) and stews, freecycle for a slo-cooker... this could be down by £200+ per month easily. Do you live near a wholesaler - that can also be a way to purchase cheaply and in bulk

I’d love to be able to get rid of the tv and buy one. Save £200 on your shopping for one month and you could.

Sky – well, yes, it *is* my only entertainment Yes, and your house is your *only* home. Call them and threaten to get the price cut, and once the older kids have jobs, they can pay for it if they want to.

My daughter’s contacts are the monthly ones. Can she pay for these herself when she gets a job - whichever ones she can get most cheaply.

Transport to college – I can’t work out a cheaper way for him to do it. Bicycle? Freecycle request, or secondhand from the local papers. Again, once he gets a small job, he should be paying himself. I paid for my buspass all through my A levels, working 18 hours a week at Homebase.

Cars - I note you have £35 x 2 for cartax. This means fairly big cars. Can you trade them down for smaller more economical vehicles? You might realise some value for them too.

I know that realistically we can’t afford my son’s golf lessons. Then don't. His home is more important. Maybe he could apply for a little job at the course, in exchange for lessons?

It's so harsh, but we all had the 'but I can't give THAT up' moments... it's just the reality. Do you ever watch Spendaholics on BBC3? Think of this as your 'cold turkey' period, and it will help you see where your money really goes.

Good luck hon, I hope it works out for you x

CLAPTON

i sure that most of your reasons why you can't follow the suggests made are very reasonable. the question however, is not whether your spending is reasonable but whether or not you can afford it.
So whilst people may have different views on whether 40 per month per child as reasonable or whether or not a 14 yr old could do a paper round in winter, the issue is .. can you afford the expenditure?

hopefully, it may turn out that your income is higher than stated above, (child benefit etc and maybe wife's pay may be higher than expected) but if not, it seems to me that even without paying anything in debt repayments you are spending more that your income.

Currently your income/spending (without debt replayment) seems to balance, but that assumes you really don't spend anything on servicing/MOTs/RAC/AA your two cars, buying any presents at xmas or birthdays, never go out, never have school related expenses, nothing ever breaksdown in the house, no holidays, or holiday treats etc etc./ etc.

the great thing out doing a detailed budget is it allows you to see what you really spend and allows you the opportunity to make the spending priorities rather than just let them happen.

just a couple of other points.
if you are claiming back bank/cc charges presumably you know all about the
http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/

cooking etc ...why not involve your children in making things like cakes etc. or even full meals and challenge them to see who can produce the best meals to a strict budget..you may be surprised.... and a very good training for them if they go to uni or when they leave home.

and i hope you have both started that spending diary.

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi Hootie,

I appreciate your honesty and can understand your justifications for various expenditure and you sound like great parents who want the best for their kids. Thats is all good.

BUT:

If you think golf lessons, sky and lots of pocket money are MORE essential than keeping a roof over your families head etc etc.

Then I feel you have got your priorities wrong.

Think about what is essential e.g food, shelter, electricity and what is nice golf lessons / Sky / TV.


There is a big difference between the two categories. Essential & nice.

Think about the things you need (to live / survive)and the things you want (holidays, sky, golf lessons)

Still keep up the good work, stay positive and you will turn things around.

I wish you well.

Firefly

Have you tried to claim DLA Disability Living Allowance for your son with special needs? Or Carers Allowance. I know that the forms can be a nightmare and that the first claim is often not successful but there will be MSE members who can help you with all that.

I know it's harsh, but until you get back on your feet you need to make the children stand on theirs. If your son wants a golf lesson then he should pay for it himself, after all he could stay in and watch Sky TV!

I hope it all works out for you but your priority is to keep a roof over your heads and not do things you can't afford to do. As a single parent, my children have had to learn the hard way but have benefitted along the way. With two parents you need to show a united front but be clear with them as to the reasons for the cutbacks.

I wish you well.

frosty

When we had money problems we went into what I call starvation mode,everypenny spent had to be justified,we cancelled Sky,hardly used the car and cut the food bill as much as possible.EVERY PENNY WE SPENT WAS WRITTEN IN A NOTE BOOK.But the best thing we did was to sit down and have a family meeting,we explained to our sons that we were having problems and they were really good,all pocket money stopped and they managed to find jobs so they didnt have to ask for money.I join in with the grocery challenge every month (money saving old style)and I spend £200.00 a month for 5 adults.Good luck.

Smashing

The 18 year old should be paying you rent!

You say you don't hold out much hope for her getting this shop job - do you think you might be being a bit too casual about this? There's plenty of jobs out there - cleaning, waitressing, bar work...all sorts. But then I wouldn't be looking too hard if I knew my mother was going to subsidise me.

The two younger ones should be earning their pocket money - cooking, cleaning etc.
How much are the gold lessons? If you refuse to put a stop to them, perhaps look at the frequency - ie once a fortnight rather than once a week.

Perhaps you and your middle son could look for other things to bring fulfilment to his life that don't cost money - certain sports activities, crafts etc.

tigerfeet2006

Check out your local Freecycle group. I have joined my 3 nearest. It's a great way of picking up things you need and others are getting rid of and you don't pay for it. It's the ultimate in recycling.

http://uk.freecycle.org/

I tend to buy cheaper joints of meat and pop them in the slo cooker with lots of veggies or the pressure cooker. Could you dedicate some of your garden to a veggie patch. Perhaps it's something your children could help with.

david_hellier

All I can say is your financial system is in chaos and is not under any kind of budgetary control.

Most of the good advice given on this site is based on just that; prioritising and controlling the outflow of money so that less goes out than comes in; even if it's just a penny.

From the figures you have given right at the start, this doesn't seem to include the amounts you pay to service your debts.

If you would clearly publish an SOA which covers ALL these we can help even more.

Hootie19

msmicawber wrote:

Just a thought re a replacement TV. I bought one for £60 seven years ago from a pawn brokers and it's still going strong even though it only came with a 3 months' warranty. Why not have a look somewhere like that or one of those cheque exchange places that also have second hand stuff. Alternatively, check your local paper and/or newsagents windows. Lots of people are upgrading TVs at the moment, so there are many bargains to be had.

Thank you - we have a Cash Converters in town. I'll have a wander down there in my lunch hour tomorrow and see what's available. I'll be quite happy to have a smaller tv. I got outvoted when we started the rental agreement for our present one (32") - I'd have been quite happy with a 28" one as I don't like a tv to dominate a room.