husband left what do i do nex

sox8369

I was in the same boat a few years ago - and echo what most of the people have already said.

The first thing i would say is - it will be ok - so dont panic ! Deep breath and be selfish - it is you and the kids that matter.

Secondly - find a local solicitor that offers free half hour consulations - and make an appointment as soon as possible. It is vital that you do this to protect your rights (and your children) from a legal stance.

DO NOT move out of the house or let him take anything from the house (except personal possessions ie. his clothes etc) until you have had legal advice.

I agree that it is very important to also contact the CSA, and also the council to get your bills adjusted for a single parent.

Also ring the benefit agency and get all the relevent benefit adjustments done asap.

KEEP A DIARY of everyone you speak to about finances and then you can build an income and expenditure statement with your solicitor - as you will need this for your legal proceedings for the final finance agreement.. Make sure you insist on a full and final settlement this will sever you financially- which protects anything you may have in the future - you dont want the ex reappearing in 10 years time if you win the lottery ! (csa wont be relevent to this - he will need to keep paying until they finish full time education)

It does not follow that everything is split 50/50 - you will be in a much stronger financial position at the end because you will (presumably) have the children, and also you do not have an income.

For example - at the end of my split there was just over 100k - i got over 80% - just remember that spousal maintenance is great - but stops immediately you remarry - but your solicitor will advise you of this.

DO NOT agree to anything with your ex until you have sought legal advice.

Open a new bank account immediately and get all your funds paid into it - any joint accounts need to be frozen and you will be held jointly responsible for the debt. (so protect yourself by ensuring he does not spend another penny - he will need to open his own account)

On a lighter note - keep smiling - i was in the same situation with my ex - and i promise that you will be ok .

I am the happiest i have ever been now and i am sure you will look back on this as the best thing that happened to you - sending you my best wishes and good luck x x x

diane70

hi everyone just an update on whats been happening.........
hes been to a solicitor and they say because im not working i cant pay the mortgage myself so we will have to sell.........he wants his 25k etc.............
I really dont want to loose this house as the kids love it here so im applying for jobs and hopeing my numbers come up on the lottery..........that way i could maybe buy him out, whats this spousal maintenance?
im thinking of calling up northern rock to see were i stand with the mortgage......at the moment we are both paying half each..............
i have applied for income support and get £197 in child tax and child benifit.......thats just gets us by etc........i would live on beans and toast as long as i keep this house for kids................
im panicing now as all i can see his him saying we have to sell and i will end up in a grotty council house.........aarrgghhhhhhhhhhh
i think i need to see my solicitor again as she was adamant that we would be ok to stay in the home but his says he holds all the cards now, i havent got a leg to stand on etc.............

thanks for all ur messages i really do appreciate them
diane x

property.advert

Well, he's another spineless impression of a man if he is asking for his share of the house equity and is willing to put his kids out on the street to get it. What is it with blokes these days ? BTW I'm a guy not a woman.

I'm pretty sure you won't lose the house. The mortgage is so small that all other options cost more money. How are you physically paying the mortgage ? I'm guessing that neither of you have any savings.

Can you post up an SOA and if you can go through how you actually get his money to pay the mortgage it would help.

If you are paying NR for the mortgage then don't involve them just yet. But do let us know what your mortgage terms and conditions are as well as the interest rate etc.

diane70

hi there

the mortgage comes out of our bank, i have opened a standing order to pay him £33 a week from my benifits......
and no we have no savings unfortunatley..
erm as for mortgage terms, i think we are on 4.7% rate....just come out of a 7 year fixed rate etc, £260 month we owe 38K 17 years left, house cost us 21K we got 2 loans to do the house up etc.....no insurance with mortage..

he also got told today that he doesnt have to pay money for kids and half mortgage only one, so i told him if he will let me stay in the house until i get a job he can keep the £50 that he gives me for the kids etc.......im also paying a £2400 visa bill..........and all the houseold bills now............inc car stuff, mot, tax..........and ins when its up soon.......so my 197 from benifits, coveres my outgoings so we only have that £50 left to live on..............

the reason he wants to sell is because he cant afford to live on his wages and give me £50 plus £33 mortgage a week.........

sorry what does soa mean?

thanks for you help, its all juts too confusing...........x

Deepmistrust

diane70 wrote: »

hi there

the mortgage comes out of our bank, i have opened a standing order to pay him £33 a week from my benifits......
and no we have no savings unfortunatley..
erm as for mortgage terms, i think we are on 4.7% rate....just come out of a 7 year fixed rate etc, £260 month we owe 38K 17 years left, house cost us 21K we got 2 loans to do the house up etc.....no insurance with mortage..

he also got told today that he doesnt have to pay money for kids and half mortgage only one, so i told him if he will let me stay in the house until i get a job he can keep the £50 that he gives me for the kids etc.......im also paying a £2400 visa bill..........and all the houseold bills now............inc car stuff, mot, tax..........and ins when its up soon.......so my 197 from benifits, coveres my outgoings so we only have that £50 left to live on..............

the reason he wants to sell is because he cant afford to live on his wages and give me £50 plus £33 mortgage a week.........

sorry what does soa mean?

thanks for you help, its all juts too confusing...........x

You mortgage is really low. You couldn't rent for that. I really, really, really, would not sell the house.

He has a joint liability with you to pay the mortgage. You should only be paying 50% of the mortgage. He has an obligation to the mortgage company to pay the rest, regardless (at this stage) of any question of what you will do in the future. Even if you intend to sell, the mortgage still needs paying in the meantime, and he is responsble for half of that.

in the longer term, you could work 16+ hours, and you will qualify for WTC. This, along with your wages, child benefit, and child maintenance, may even mean you can take over the mortgage completely.

Most solictors will do a free consultation for family breakups. Speak to one, and find out where you stand. I sincerely doubt you should be paying him for the mortgage.