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Want my niece to come live with us, where to start?

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  • frannyann
    frannyann Posts: 10,970 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Best of luck, CAFCASS will also take your nieces wishes into consideration, as at 11 she will have a say in the matter and if she is saying she doesn't want to live there anymore then they will give that due weight. This is what was advised to me by my solicitor when my daughter wanted to stop seeing her father.
    :rotfl:Ahahah got my signature removed for claiming MSE thought it was too boring :rotfl:
  • suited-aces
    suited-aces Posts: 1,938 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Best of luck OP
    I'm not bad at golf, I just get better value for money when I take more shots!
  • Britwife
    Britwife Posts: 427 Forumite
    I'm sorry but isn't their job to protect children? This child needs help and there is an aunt willing to take good care of her. I don't get the system here. Look how many children have died because they sat back and did nothing.

    I hope you get her hun.
  • gizmo111
    gizmo111 Posts: 2,663 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Just to update this....since 1 April 2010 the time for an Initial Assessment to be undertaken is now 10 working days.

    Really? Is there some legislation/framwork you can point me to to clarify this?
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
  • gizmo111
    gizmo111 Posts: 2,663 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    hayley11 wrote: »
    My mum spoke to SS today and they have said that my sisters unborn baby is their primary concern and my they will keep a close eye on the situation for the sake of the baby. They will continue to do spot checks but have no plan in place to improve the sitation for my niece.

    I can't understand it, she's an 11 year old who is living in such a terrible state and is treated so badly and all they seem to care about is the unborn baby. We are worried about the baby but my niece is living through this now so surely she should come first?

    My niece has been here since yesterday anyway and I took her to the dentist today, she had an infection in her mouth and my sister couldn't be bothered taking her.

    My niece has told me she doesn't want to live there anymore but what can we do? Without my sisters consent (which I would never get) we don't have much of a chance do we?

    Go back to SS and make another referal about her health. Speak to a Team Manager or Senior Practitioner. Speak to the school. Keep shouting. In the meantime could you have your neice to stay with you for a few weeks under the guise of giving your sister a break?
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
  • Mrs_Optimist
    Mrs_Optimist Posts: 1,107 Forumite
    It really is about time the Welfare State was overhauled. It is so wrong to use children as cashcows. Baby no 3 on the way when mother is unwilling or unable to properly care for the first 2 children. Unfortunately the way the system works the more children you have the more benefits you are entitled to which shouldn't be what benefits are for.

    OP I really feel for you and you should be proud that you are willing and able to offer your niece an alternative to the hell that she is currently going through.
  • squirrelchops
    squirrelchops Posts: 1,907 Forumite
    Hi gizmo....it is in the 'Working Together to Safeguard Children' document by DCFS, March 2010. Replaces the 2006 one.

    It is about twice the thickness of the 2006 one. Added in sections on gangs, arranged marriages and female genital mutilation to name a few.
  • gizmo111
    gizmo111 Posts: 2,663 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Hi gizmo....it is in the 'Working Together to Safeguard Children' document by DCFS, March 2010. Replaces the 2006 one.

    It is about twice the thickness of the 2006 one. Added in sections on gangs, arranged marriages and female genital mutilation to name a few.

    Interesting frontline staff have no idea of the increase in time - but in reality in practice you make that assessment of potential significant harm in hours not days. The form filling and being chased by a computer is the indicator that you've done it in time!
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
  • hayley11
    hayley11 Posts: 7,627 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Just wanted to give a bit of an update...

    My niece had said she wants to continue living at home in the hope that things improve. She's excited about the baby and is worried if she isn't there, then they won't let her see it. Things have improved slightly, there seems to be food more now and my nieces hair has been sorted out and they are keeping on top of it. But she is still be treated like a slave, still being yelled at and bullied by both of them. I've been having her stay here every weekend and we're both going down to my mums next week.

    Anyway there was a huge row last night, I was on the phone to my niece as it was happening, it was over something so ridiculous and was scary how it esculated into something so huge. My sister and her boyfriend were screaming (and I mean screaming) at my niece, my sister slapped my niece so hard I heard it down the phone, my niece couldn't speak for crying and she never cries, I cannot remember the last time I saw her cry.

    I added my mum to the phone call after the slap and we were so worried for my niece, my mum
    phoned SS. We phoned my niece back (my sister had taken the phone off her by this point and was screaming abuse at us) to check she was okay, they wouldn't let us speak to her, my sister said "i've just battered her and put her in her room" then later said she was joking, it does appear she was joking, not funny at all. I was in tears I was that upset by it all.

    Anyway her boyfriend then started hurling abuse at us, said if we phoned SS again about my niece, we would never get to see the baby when it was born. He then told my mum to "eff off you stupid blind b!tch" - nice. And hung up on us.

    SS did go round to visit and when my mum spoke to him afterwards, he agreed that my sister and her bf have no idea how to handle situations, that is why they esculate so much and also they are very negative towards her. But he did say there was food in and my niece's bedroom was decorated nice and had bunkbeds (yes because my mum paid for all that) He said to my sister, you're not allowed to hit her. And then on the way out said, "try not to hit her" TRY - he should have said DON'T.

    He actually said to my mum, maybe you should stop providing everything for her and then we can see what it's really like. My mum obviously said there is no way she could stop providing for her now, can you imagine how my niece would feel about that?

    Before it had kicked off too bad yesterday, I had asked if she could come and stay here to let them all calm down and my sister said no. My niece asked the social worker the same thing and he said it was up to my sister and she said she wasn't allowed.

    My niece told them she wanted to live in care, how upsetting is that? But they wouldn't listen to her. I'm not saying they should have just taken her there and then but they seem so unwilling to do anything proactive about the situation.

    My mum and I are just so worried about her, we're worried she's going to end up just running away because she now knows that SS are not going to help her in the way she thought they were.

    I've had to go back on my anxiety medication, i'm sure all the stress of this is the reason. :o

    I don't know what to do. I'm going to talk to my niece again when we go down to my mums and see if she wants us to try and take the legal route of her coming to live here.
    :heart: Think happy & you'll be happy :heart:
    I :heart2: my doggies
  • gizmo111
    gizmo111 Posts: 2,663 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I suggest you get in touch with the school tomorrow, tell them what happened and ask them to talk to your neice and see if there are any visible marks. They will then have to get in touch with social worker again and they have no option but to take this seriously and get the child a medical if there is a bruise.
    Put your concerns in writing to the social worker and copy in the team manager and local service manager for safeguarding children. Make it clear that you are prepared to offer your neice a home whether short or long term. Send a copy to the local child protection police officer. This child is being emotionally and physically abused as well as neglected and the social workers suggestion to withdraw support and see what happens is frankly ridiculous and dangerous.
    Lastly next time the partner threatens you not to see the baby remind the idiot that if he doesn't change his attitude soon, neither him or your sister will be seeing much of the child.
    If you need more specific advice/support PM me.

    Good Luck
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
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