Skinflints and tightwads, are they bad or just mad??

placido

I am not referring here to people who are thrifty, who “shop-around” and spend money wisely. I am one of those; and admire such people.

We are talking here of people who are just plain “mean”.

I’ll give you some examples. One gentleman of my acquaintance is in his early eighties and has loads of dosh. He spends as little as possible. His accountant has had a word with him and advised him to go out and “spend” or else a large slice of his bounty will end up as inheritance tax.

When he meets up with friends he always tries to cadge a lift home even though he puts his friends to considerable inconvenience and can well afford a taxi.

A lady, also in her eighties, is loaded, and as mean and miserly as they come. Her family members are relatively poor. When they meet up for a night out she leaves it to her poorer brethren to pick up the bill. It does not faze her at all to declare that she has not brought any cash out with her.

Another elderly lady I know lived a life of penury and then died suddenly of a stroke. There was no will and her estate, not inconsiderable, went to a niece who had always despised her for her niggardliness.

I could go on but I think you have got the drift of my argument by now.

There are certain characteristics associated with such miserliness. The people concerned all have ample money to live a very good life style and can afford to be generous. Yet they choose to be miserly and feed off people less well off than themselves.

Eventually they die and the money they have accumulated goes to other people (perhaps even people they do not like), as well as to the govt in inheritance tax.

One can look at such behaviour with some disgust but the bottom line is that it is totally irrational.

Why would people wish to be known as mean and miserly. Surely they must have some awareness that this is how their behaviour is perceived.?

Why do they accumulate such large amounts of money and deprive themselves of a good life style just to leave it all to other people and the govt.

It just does not make sense to me. Are these skinflints just bad (i.e. “users”) or do they have an underlying sickness; a deep psychological flaw??

COOLTRIKERCHICK

it makes sense to them.... dont forget this is a generation, that had to save as otherwise they didnt get want they wanted...

and alot of older people can remember the time where there were no benifits, so if you didnt save or earn your money, you had nothing...

not like today where if people want they just go out and get, by any means, and by this i mean going into debt,

its a hard life time habbit to break,

anyway how do you know they are misrible as sin, maybe its just their personality.....

placido

COOLTRIKERCHICK wrote: »

it makes sense to them.... dont forget this is a generation, that had to save as otherwise they didnt get want they wanted...

and alot of older people can remember the time where there were no benifits, so if you didnt save or earn your money, you had nothing...

not like today where if people want they just go out and get, by any means, and by this i mean going into debt,

its a hard life time habbit to break,

Yes. I remember the bomb sites and the terrible winter of 47. If early deprivation was the answer then why are not all of todays pensioners skinflints. Many are extremely generous. We remember the old days but know that times have moved on.

anyway how do you know they are misrible as sin, maybe its just their personality.

Where did I say they were as miserable as sin?? The sad thing is that they are usually ecstatic when they have got some one else to pick up the bill. We are talking about leeches here. people who have loads of dosh but stand back and let those less well off, pay.....[/QUOTE]

balmaiden

I agree with OP to some extent, I certainly know of elderly people like this. I think, however, that as in many things in life, we are as we are. Certainly lifes ups and downs can mould our attitude towards money and as my beloved late Father said on reaching retirement, " I wish someone would tell me how long I am going to live, so that I know how long to make my savings last!"

lilac_lady

I think being mean is entirely different from being sensible with money and frugal when needed. Young people can be miserly early on in life - it's a trait that's there from the start IMO.

I've told my family that if I turn mean in my dotage then the old me has disappeared and been replaced by an alien.

Gaining financial advantage by taking advantage is not a pretty asset to have. The person who "gets away with" such behaviour thinks no-one has noticed but I for one do notice and give them a wide berth in future.

C_Mababejive

Its a form of mental illness...

Biggles

So, what's your point, Placido?

Whatever, for an extreme example, there's always 'Tin Can Curt' http://www.thelocal.se/25804/20100329/

NAR

Always remember folks there are no pockets in shrouds, so get out there and enjoy spending money on yourselves.

KMK

My late mother became very "careful" in her later years. She was 93 when she died so she had lived through the Depression, the War with its austere rationing and also the grim winter of 1947. She never threw anything away and I would find scraps of brown/greaseproof paper and uselessly short bits of string in her kitchen drawers. Sadly, she would put away the new clothing we bought for her because it was "too good to wear around the house" and when she died my sister and I found drawers full of unworn nightdresses, stockings, and jumpers still in their wrappers.

In her old age she could have had a reasonably comfortable life but she insisted on turning down the heating, turning off the lights and consequently the house was cheerless. Whenever we went out and treated her to a meal, she would spend most of the time complaining loudly about the prices which took the pleasure out of the occasion.

I just feel sad that she had a hard time as a young woman and this seemed to affect the rest of her life, especially when she was elderly and deserved some comfort. We just could not persuade her to change and when she died she left us her modest savings which helped towards paying the mortgage. I would have much preferred that she had spent the money on herself after working all her life.

Having said all this, if I or my siblings had needed money urgently, she would have given it to us without hesitation.

placido

Thanks to all for replies.

My curiosity was aroused because of some recent “horror stories” told to me by friends about rich family members who behaved in outrageously “mean” ways towards their less well off siblings. Basically “free-loading,” and not paying their way.

First reaction is to think that they are well, simply “mean”. However, as you start to think about these things a bit more deeply it occurs to you how irrational it all is because the people who behave like this do not actually benefit from their behaviour.

They might accumulate more money by living on other people’s bounty but they cannot benefit from that money themselves because they have a deep psychological need to conserve it.

It is a vicious circle and sad for them because it loses them friends and perhaps leads to a sad lonely end in life.

Fire_Fox

I agree there is a massive difference between being frugal and freeloading - most who lived through world wars or the depression would have been very careful, but generous to any relative or neighbour in desperate need. I see meanness as a form of mental illness, obsessive compulsive disorder perhaps? Something akin to those who hoard and can not throw anything away, not even actual rubbish which is completely irrational.