Dilemma - CSA or not??

alwayspuzzled

jen_br wrote: »

well he would get a discount for seeing the kids!

and don't forget those holidays cost money too!!

Yes I'm aware he would get a 2/7th reduction for his overnights that is factored in to the csa calculator. Any yes I know holidays cost money but thats his choice + he only pays flights as they stay with his parents.

alwayspuzzled

I would try to negotiate one last time (give him a print out of the CSA maintenance calculator using the Government pay grade you believe he is on) and present it to him. Ask him to see things from your point (don't bring in your difficult family circumstances with your partner not working, this is only about his support for the kids, not your new financial difficulties)

I applaud you for managing so far on a private arrangement, and best of luck, but remember you need to put your kids needs first.[/QUOTE]

This is where my dilemma is; as much as I'm pee'd off with him messing me around with the finances when he's already paying well under the odds I don't want to cause his relationship with the boys to break down. Money can be a horrible evil thing and if I could manage it I wouldn't look for any CS but realistically thats not an option.

Kimitatsu

AP - I have read your thread with interest and I have to commend you for trying to keep costs down, however in my experience when they go to secondary school their costs start to increase not decrease. School uniform, school trips, books and equipment are all expensive and if he is complaining now at the amounts that he is paying, is he realistically going to pay half of those items too?

To my mind you need to give him the option of paying privately one last time or opening a case with the CSA, no arguments, if he complains then just do it anyway. If he is using the boys as pawns in his game then he will still use them regardless of whether he is paying the full amount or not, and I found that when my boys came home with that line, it gave me the option to explain that it was the law as to what he had to pay and otherwise he would be breaking the law and that would be a bad thing.......the complaining soon stopped!!

I dont envy you the position but good luck.

jen_br

See the way you worded it it stated you agreed for each of you to pay half of the costs.. Ie. He takes care of 20.00 to your momw andhalf hte child care.. not that all that costs X and he gives you half.

Personally I feel that you may want to meet half way and go to mediation even at the CAB. Who can sit down with you draw up an agreement. and have it include uniforms etc

It doesn't sound like hes unreasonable just sounds like hes a cranky man who moans and I can apprecaie you not wanting your children to hear it I wouldn't want my kid.. But think if you guys were together they would hear differnt types of arguments etc.. Kids are clever and they will pick up on things themselves they do know the truth deep down.

I would go for mediation lay out ALL your costs Bearing in mind he does take them on holiday (choice or not hes giving your kids an opportunity that you have said you can't really afford to do wether he stays iwth parents or not).

Put put down things like School uniforms, trips, clothing, Childcare, etc get it all out things you want from him and then let the negotiations start sometimes with a 3rd party there you can see things more clearly.

kelloggs36

Is he suggesting that he ONLY pay for half the childcare?

bdt1

Sorry, read this thread with great interest, the only issue I have with approaching the NRP, is............sorry for opening the can of worms, why should a PWC approach the NRP for more CM when circumstances change in PWC household made through choices by PWC. What I mean is, as NRPP is now unemployed/on sick leave/not working and therefore not contributing to PWC household, why then should the NRP be penalised, or have to stump up the difference?

Obvioulsy the children's welfare is paramount, but I dare say as the NRP has access regularly, he would never see them go without, and provide any extras as necessary. I always find it a shame that it comes down to money, unconditional love between a parent and child is such a special bond, shame parents cannot agree on really what are lesser issues. As a PWC also, I never ever went for departure regarding my ex for his partners ability to contribute to housing costs, and to include her income in calculation, as a NRPP I know how invasive this is, and why should any individual have to clarify their earnings or situation for children who are born to other people?

alwayspuzzled

kelloggs - all I ask him for is a sum equal to half of childcare, dinner money, shoes, school uniform and school trips. Childcare is over 90% of this.

bdt1 - My OP wasn't about asking him for more money he's not being penalized or asked for anything extra. I only mentioned my partners recent problems to explain why I was struggling with the fact hes decided not to pay me Child Maintainance and instead pay half the childcare directly and thereby reduce my tax credits. Yes I'm sure if the boys really needed something he'd buy it for them, and I should think so too as he's paying less than half of the csa's calculation.

Thanks to everyone for your contributions, I still haven't completely decided what to do but at the moment I think I'll just leave it alone, don't want to risk upsetting his relationship with the boys over money. Still p***ed that he has decided to just change the agreement without prior descussion and tbh his hard done by attitude is seriously doing my head in when he's actually getting a great deal, mainly because I work to provide for them myself because I don't want his money.

daska

Just a small point but it is HIS relationship with the children and it's up to HIM whether he lets his frustration with you affect that relationship. Your responsibility is to do the right thing by your children.

mitchaa

I don't get this.

How can he pay half the childcare costs if you are getting it paid for you by the government in tax credits? What half does he pay? Surely he is paying you an amount that is equal to half the amount of the childcare in child maintenance NOT for childcare. I take it you have been taking an amount that is equivalent to half the amount of your childcare bill and putting it in your pocket (Or shall I say your budget for the month)

So he isn't actually paying anything to the childcare and this whole childcare issue is just a red herring?

If he was paying you £250pm for an agreed half the childcare, then he is well within his rights of taking the tax advantage and using the voucher scheme. He is still paying half the childcare so what's the problem? (I see it goes further than this though and the 1/2 childcare is indeed a red herring otherwise you wouldn't be annoyed)

You are now against him for doing so as you knew fine well that his childcare money was not actually childcare money but money that you used yourself (and for your children) irrespective of childcare costs.

All a bit messy if you ask me. If you go down the CSA path, he would get a discount for having the children the time he does and he would no longer need to help you with shoes/school uniforms/trips etc

I dont see why he has done anything wrong if your agreement was half and half for the childcare.

You get child benefit and child tax credit along with the childcare element of WTC that he does not get. Do you reimburse him 1/7 or 2/7 of the benefit money you receive that he doesn't? If not, why not?

Upto you really, I think you need to get away from this half childcare issue especially when you get it paid for you by tax credits.