Dilemma - CSA or not??

alwayspuzzled

This time I'm puzzling from my point of view as a PWC instead of as a NRPP:think:

I split up with my ex over 5 yrs ago. We agreed that we would have shared care with the 2 boys living with me and seeing him every thur night + every other weekend. This works very well and the boys are well adjusted and happy with the arrangement.

As I felt so guilty for leaving (he would have plodded on forever but our relationship was dead and after several years of trying to make things better I finally gave up) I suggested to split all our assets 50/50 and make no claim for formal maintanance but he would pay me half of all school/childcare related costs to include before/after school care, dinner money, trips, school uniform and school holiday care.

Although this works out as about half of 15%-2/7ths of his net income it has worked resonably well until recently. I've become more and more annoyed with his grumbling and moaning to the kids and to my mom (who asks for £40/week during summer holidays to cover all food, activities etc) about how much he's having to pay. Now hes informed me he has started claiming childcare vouchers and will be paying the school club directly, I have explained to him that I'm not happy with this as I will now have to inform tax credits that my childcare costs have halved (as he's paying them direct instead of CM to me) which will drastically reduce my tax credit entitlement, but he says "I have to look after my own pocket 1st"

Having taken several pay cuts just to keep on working and having had my SE partner unable work with operations and major depression and other medical problems money is getting to a crisis point, I don't know if I should bite my tongue and leave it alone or apply to the csa for an offical assesment, I don't know his actual current wage but hes in local government so won't have had a pay cut and I know he's moved up a couple of grades since I last knew his salary.

Sorry to be so long winded but I wanted to give a bit of background, my dilemma is should I ask for what I'm legally entitled to or not risk rocking the boat in case he spits his dummy out and starts contact issues? The boys happiness is my main priority but I'm working 60+ hours a week and barely keeping my head above water and am starting to question why I'm putting everyone elses needs above my own.

missmontana

Its a tough one... how much of a difference money wise will you be worse off and is there anyway you could find a cheaper childcare provider?

Speak to him about talking to the kids about it, that's really not on, as its not their problem and I'm guessing they are probably a bit to young to understand?

Surely they should come first before his pocket does!

alwayspuzzled

Not exactly sure with tax credit calculations but think it will cost me £30-£40 week compared to a probable saving of £9 week for him. There is no alternate childcare other than my mom who already does more than enough and anyway the boys are happy there, if they had to go somewhere they didn't love so much I couldn't deal with the guilt of being a mom who works full time, its bad enough as it is!

I've always told him if he has an issue talk to me not them they are now 11 and 8 and although ds1 is quite the diplomat ds2 frequently says things like "Daddy says he shouldn't have to pay for half our football boots because they are not school uniform" "Daddy says he took us on abroad on holiday last year so its your turn now" "Daddy said he shouldn't pay for school club on days when we aren't at his" etc etc.

missmontana

Bless him! yeah, they're a bit like parrots at that age.. you can't have any secrets!

Best thing to do is discuss with him the options then, will he be open to this?

Seems to me you've been quite fair in the past,. Hows he going to explain if they can't do things as he's not willing to pay that bit extra?

Any reason as to why he's suddenly started moaning?

alwayspuzzled

Oh he's always moaned I've just bit my tongue over it for the kids sake. TBH its the childcare vouchers that are the tipping point, I've tried explaining to him but he can't see the problem. Its going to save him £9 week so thats that. The money its going to effectively cost me is apparently irrelevant.

As to being fair I consider I've been very fair. I make sure every arrangement suits him as much as possible, swap weekends when ever suits him, drop the kids off to him when required (he normally collects/returns via school) provide all their clothes, pack for them when he takes them to cyprus to see his mom. I let him have them every other xmas, even though this kills me I know its only fair.

missmontana

Blimey, you've the patience of a saint... surely if he's having the kids half the time and not giving you any money he should provide their clothes for then they are with him?!
Maybe you should start trading then, if he's not going to pay for the footy boots, he can provide kids clothes when they are at his? etc, etc...

Is that the only reason why they went abroad to visit his mum?

I think you need to toughen up lovey!

LizzieS_2

Your ex does have a valid point. When you are sharing costs like you 2 are then you both have an equal say in what it is spent on and how it is funded. How he funds his half of childcare costs is his choice and how you fund your half is yours, he can pick childcare vouchers and you can pick tax credits. I guess the real crux of his point here is that your household income dictates how much HMRC pay towards childcare and he then has to pay half of the remainder. Looking at it another way, would you be happy if he had claimed vouchers for the full amount and your half was then more than what you could have paid by claiming tax credits?

Have you looked into childcare vouchers yourself - sometimes it is better than tax credits depending upon income.

It seems childcare is not the only issue your ex has - looks like the start of an endless battle over what the children should have and who should pay what.

It may be worthwhile looking at the csa whereby you pay for everything and he simply makes a regular contribution towards costs. That way you both save the arguments and if the amount is more than you really wanted, you can always hand some back to him. Or more importantly, looking at the maths may make him realise that he is getting a good bargain overall already and that could result in an amicable agreement suitable to both of you.

catenorfolk

alwayspuzzled wrote: »

Now hes informed me he has started claiming childcare vouchers and will be paying the school club directly, I have explained to him that I'm not happy with this as I will now have to inform tax credits that my childcare costs have halved (as he's paying them direct instead of CM to me) which will drastically reduce my tax credit entitlement, but he says "I have to look after my own pocket 1st"


Surely if he is paying school club his share, and your childcare tax credit may reduce, you will surely be better off as they only contribute up to 70/80% of costs. I might be wrong and my maths are not adding up. Unless you are claiming for the child care element and not using it completely for registered child care. Also if your new partner isnt working, can he not look after the kids, to save money??? Sorry if i seem to have got the wrong end of the stick.

catenorfolk

Also, i dont think it matters how he is paying, as long as the child care you actually claim for is actually being used for a registered carer. again i could be wrong, but i looked stuff up in my csa leaflet

HappyMJ

I think what the OP is worried about is that she was getting 50% of the childcare costs from the NRP pocketing it and claiming 80% back from child tax credits. Therefore she'll now be down by some amount of money each week.

My calculations work like this childcare costs £100. ex-OH contributes £50 cash, CTC's contribute £80 so she's £30 in profit. Now she can only claim £40 from the CTC's so she's actually having to find £10 from somewhere to pay the child care costs. Therefore she is down by £40 per week.

You could come to a private arrangement where he gives you £20 instead and that will make your childcare costs zero and his childcare costs will be reduced from £50 to £20. If he's sacrificing salary to get vouchers then he has reduced his costs to about £35 per week so you'll have to make the offer attractive as he has every right to pay the childcare provider directly as per your original agreement.

catenorfolk

But then he is saving some money by getting it tax free, which leaves more money in his pocket in order to be able to perhaps treat his kids a little more. So really if he is still contributing to all the other things ie, trips, uniform etc then I dont think that he is doing wrong, It is a shame that her income may go down a little but he hasnt reduced the payments or help HE is giving her. I she is supporting her new other half, then surely the new other half can help her back by perhaps taking over some of the child care from her mother, therefore reducing her outgoings.