need help with budgeting

jasperconran

hi all,

Feeling really low at the min. as you will see from my sig, loads of debt and I feel like we are not getting anywhere. OH and I are doing our own DMP all is going well, well was, until we started getting calls again from Halifax. Basically received letter from them back in February saying we accept your offer of payment, but you will still get normal statements etc. that we can cope with, but, we are now getting calls everyday saying where is your min payment blah blah blah. We are due for a review next month with this. Also, OH keeps on maxing out his virgin cc, I am trying to get it down, but he aint helping. I have tried in the past to say you are crap with money, but all I get is, its my money, ive gotta find it, ive earnt it etc. we are seriously going to be over our overdraft by at least 400 quid, (our overdraft is 2,500) and we live in this every month. I try and try to budget, but its so hard. Ive just started (literally) working as a chat operator, so no major monies from that yet. I know that I have just gotta get thru this month and then I should start to earn some decent money. Sorry to whinge guys, but I am sooooo depressed, I feel like I cant cope anymore, I am snappy with my DD, and OH buries his hand in sand, we went on a clothes shopping spree yesterday:eek: I didnt wanna go, but had to. jesus, im sick of this. gonna ebay like mad this week, im counting up all my loose change and gonna bank that. Doing daily scratchcards so got some money to come from that and about £60 from quidco. So I might be able to get under our OD with that hopefully. But I feel that I am crap with budgeting, especially for petrol and food. Can someone help me? I have felt like ending it all a few times, and I am close to tears as I type this. Its only my DD that stops me from topping myself. pathetic isnt it. rant over

Faye449

OMG poor you what a complete nightmare. Sounds like your OH hasn't had his lightbulb moment yet? What might help him along a little bit?

Faye449

P.s have you got a SOA? Thats what most people will ask to see to help you with your budget.

leedsforever_2

I agree seems OH isnt helping, have you put it all in black and white for him to see... I would be tempted to cut his credit card up but thats me.

DarkConvict

Turn round and tell him, its not his money. It is the banks money. You are in debt to them by over £60,000. Tell him his spending needs to go down significantly unless he wants to declare bankruptcy as every purchase is increasing his minimum payments.
I know someone who i think is similar to your OH, he has gone BR 3 times and is debt again already.

Sounds harsh, but i would be tempted to split up the cards to your cards and his cards (whos name is on the account), and just work on bringing your cards down.

flutterbyuk25

leedsforever wrote: »

I agree seems OH isnt helping, have you put it all in black and white for him to see..

I also agree with this. Post your SOA on here (see sticky for how to do it) and then maybe show him/her a copy so they can see what is happening.

Good luck

x

sunday_girl

Hi Jasper

Sorry you are feeling so low, this debt and money juggling business is so consuming and tiring isn't it? It strikes me that you may be finding it difficult because although you are self managing your DMP, you are still living with credit. Would it not make sense to move your bank account/s, and include the overdraft and virgin CC in the DMP and cut off access to credit completely? I think you are going to find it difficult to make inroads into the debt if your OH is still maxing out his credit card every month. Is there any reason why you haven't included these in the DMP?

doodledo_2

Sorry you are feeling like this.

Firstly if your comment "topping myself" is accurate the first thing you must do is seek help for yourself. Take yourself down to the GP to discuss this.

Secondly your OH is not helping this matter. Does he know the real extent of your finances. If not show him in black and white how much you owe, your incomings and outgoings etc. If he has his head in the sand I bet he doesn't truly now the situation you are in.

Definately post your SOA on here, you will be amazed at the help that comes your way.

Good luck and keep posting.

pure_dead_dopey

Hi jasper

I think you need to do an "official DMP" with one of the debt charities, they would set their terms and boundaries, ie no more credit and perhaps this would be easier to stick to. It also gives you something to help cut any phonecalls from creditors. I suppose you and your OH are linked financially which means that your creditors can see that you are still using credit, taking away any credibility of your self managed DMP. Again if you get it all down on paper(or a screen) perhaps your OH will see that you are in trouble, I don't think he realises yet and I know it is difficult when he wants to buy stuff but really you can't afford it. Good luck and keep posting

debtfreeforever_2

1. Seek help from your GP - a short 6 month spell on anti-depressant meds may help you tackle this issue head on.

2. Post your SOA.

3. Print this entire thread off, including your initial post and all our comments and hand it to your partner to read. Your partner may see sense if they can hear the objective views of other people. Sometimes we refuse to listen to those closest to us.

4. I agree with the poster who suggested getting a DMP through one of the charities.

I think there is a lot you can do to make this situation better based on what you have said but you are fighting a losing battle unless you can get your partner on board. I would have refused to go on the 'shopping spree' - why did you go? By going isn't that supporting/enabling it?

I'm sorry you're going through this. Look after yourself please, and also know that things can and will get better provided the small actions you take daily are all working towards your goal.

jasperconran

hi all,

thanks for your messages of support. It brought tears to my eyes reading all your kind words. The problem that I have with hubby is this. 1. He is slightly better than he used to be as the recession hit his business quite hard, although things are picking up slowly. 2. He has recently been diagnosed with ME/CFS which makes him also very depressed. 3. any money issues, he automatically blames me for everthing. 4. He verbally bullies me and puts me down everyday, I would love to take my DD, my dog and get the hell out of here, but I am trapped. 5. The last time we had a problem with money, (not as bad as this tho), do you know what he said? he blamed me!!!! and said, that if I DID anything like that again, he would beat me to within an inch of my life, throw me out of the house, and I would never see my daughter again.

So you see, I am stuck. Part of our debt, (2 unsecured loans) will be gone in 2013 and 2014, so thats not too bad, its the credit cards. I am fighting like mad to get a better and/or second job, but obviously its hard. And, like I said, i have only just started out as a chat operator, so im still finding my feet as it where!. Maybe im just having a bad day, feeling low, and maybe in a couple of months things will pick up, I dont know. I think some of you are right, OH doesnt truly realise just how bad things have gotten, I cannot believe that we have got ourselves into this mess. I wish to god I had been stronger and said NO more often. So it is partly my fault. I cant tell him, I need to find the strength to struggle on, I dont want things to get physical and I know that they will. I have been threatened many times before and I am scared.

Will keep you all posted.