In debt crisis never posted on here before please help...

chris1973

hi i was thinking of getting a 2nd ob but this isnt really possible, i am a mum as well.

Yet you have / find the time to go shopping!??, which lets be honest and transparant here, given the amount of debt which has been run up, was not done in a ten minute excercise was it??

I assume that the cause of this debt in the first place - ie the catalogues, have long since been burned and the credit cards cut up? - barring one for emergency use, which perhaps should be with your partner for safekeeping. If not then why not?.

I don't mean to seem unkind, but whilst the temptation is to spend on comfort shopping is there (by your own admission you do this) then the writing is on the wall isn't it, and your situation will never change. Comfort shopping or using shopping as an outlet for boredom is fine if you are a lottery winner or a footballers wife, unfortunately for the rest of society that temporary rush is going to be replaced with months of pain when the bills roll in.

Many people have given good and helpful advice in relation to the debt on this thread, but little help in addressing the cause of it in the first place, and I hope that you'll take this post in the spirit that it was intended. You really have to curb this comfort spending first and foremost or get some help if you are unable to do so.

Instead of shopping, divert your time and spend it doing over productive things like playing or reading with your Son for example and avoid the catalogues and the shopping centres!.

miggy

Hi, didn't want to read and run so I'll offer what suggestions come to mind.
As a mum with kids myself, I realise holding down work and balancing child care is a biggie. Could your partner take on a few hours of childcare? Do look into any help your work can give you towards this - and find out if you're eligible for any benefits, even though you're working. I don't know what line of work you're in, and that your work may dictate your clothing bill, but if you're 'back office' or equivalent then try to trim the clothes spend for a while. You are doing right by ebaying and amazon-ing things: if you really need things can you buy from there for a while?
Have you looked into Mystery Shopping? There are details on this forum somewhere and that's something that can be fitted around child care. There's a thread to do with increasing your income which has ideas like completing online surveys - again something you could fit around child care.
Have a look at NotTooBadYet's signature (further up this page) as it's inspirational! There are ideas there that might help you
Lastly, as Chris has said - you will need to address the underlying problem, which seems to be comfort shopping. Plenty of us will sympathise with you there! Channel that creative energy elsewhere - maybe into your family, or your debt-free journey, or something creative (adnmittedly not so easy without a budget, but not impossible). (Don't go for comfort-eating mind you!) If work is getting you down (and well done on getting a better paid job, by the way) - is there a cousellor at work who you could talk to? Or can you find a new mind-set, perhaps seeing it as a challenge or setting yourself a work-related goal (even if it's finding something you'll enjoy more!)?
Wishing you all the best - we can't do it for you but there are plenty of people ready to offer helpful advice and cheer you on.:T:T:T

angelfacecuti75

hi its not really just about whether its comfort shopping and i probably should take this in the spirit in which it was intended, but the debt started off when i got made redundant 2 years ago and we needed food, and even though i am earning 15k now i only started the job in december and i was an apprentice before, only earning 5k - most of the debt is on things like clothes for my 2 year old son and bills that has mounted up because of charges or interest rates (some of the interest rates i have are 40%) x

chris1973 wrote: »

Yet you have / find the time to go shopping!??, which lets be honest and transparant here, given the amount of debt which has been run up, was not done in a ten minute excercise was it??

I assume that the cause of this debt in the first place - ie the catalogues, have long since been burned and the credit cards cut up? - barring one for emergency use, which perhaps should be with your partner for safekeeping. If not then why not?.

I don't mean to seem unkind, but whilst the temptation is to spend on comfort shopping is there (by your own admission you do this) then the writing is on the wall isn't it, and your situation will never change. Comfort shopping or using shopping as an outlet for boredom is fine if you are a lottery winner or a footballers wife, unfortunately for the rest of society that temporary rush is going to be replaced with months of pain when the bills roll in.

Many people have given good and helpful advice in relation to the debt on this thread, but little help in addressing the cause of it in the first place, and I hope that you'll take this post in the spirit that it was intended. You really have to curb this comfort spending first and foremost or get some help if you are unable to do so.

Instead of shopping, divert your time and spend it doing over productive things like playing or reading with your Son for example and avoid the catalogues and the shopping centres!.

angelfacecuti75

Thanks, it took a lot to post on here, and be brave and tell the world what is happening with my debt, i am a private person and dont like telling people what a mess i am in, but there just comes a point where u cant just have it all in ur own head anymore. I have made £40 on ebay and amazon in the last few days, but hubby works full time and i work 37 hours a week and my 2 yo doesnt go to bed until 8, i do do online surveys and even participate in saros reasearch to make extra money but it all seems to be swallowed up by bank charges - i am stuck in a rut with them. I worked out that last year i was charged £1093 in bank charges when i only earned £400 a month! (I was on an apprentices wages they were less than minimum wage). Does anyone know anymore about the credit union as i think that would begin to help solve the problem? Please no harsh judgements this is incredibly hard for me!

miggy wrote: »

Hi, didn't want to read and run so I'll offer what suggestions come to mind.
As a mum with kids myself, I realise holding down work and balancing child care is a biggie. Could your partner take on a few hours of childcare? Do look into any help your work can give you towards this - and find out if you're eligible for any benefits, even though you're working. I don't know what line of work you're in, and that your work may dictate your clothing bill, but if you're 'back office' or equivalent then try to trim the clothes spend for a while. You are doing right by ebaying and amazon-ing things: if you really need things can you buy from there for a while?
Have you looked into Mystery Shopping? There are details on this forum somewhere and that's something that can be fitted around child care. There's a thread to do with increasing your income which has ideas like completing online surveys - again something you could fit around child care.
Have a look at NotTooBadYet's signature (further up this page) as it's inspirational! There are ideas there that might help you
Lastly, as Chris has said - you will need to address the underlying problem, which seems to be comfort shopping. Plenty of us will sympathise with you there! Channel that creative energy elsewhere - maybe into your family, or your debt-free journey, or something creative (adnmittedly not so easy without a budget, but not impossible). (Don't go for comfort-eating mind you!) If work is getting you down (and well done on getting a better paid job, by the way) - is there a cousellor at work who you could talk to? Or can you find a new mind-set, perhaps seeing it as a challenge or setting yourself a work-related goal (even if it's finding something you'll enjoy more!)?
Wishing you all the best - we can't do it for you but there are plenty of people ready to offer helpful advice and cheer you on.:T:T:T

Downsizing__for_sanity

Is it possible that in the mean time you could open a new bank account - maybe a basic one - and start getting your salary and any benefits paid in there? Make sure that it is a completely separate account so that they can't make any claims on you. And if you don't have an overdraft, you can't spend it!

The next thing to do might be to write to your creditors requesting that they freeze the interest and telling them how much you can pay back each month. There are template letters on this site, I'm not an expert but I think there is a sticky at the top of the board.

This might in itself free up the £140 you currently pay in bank charges which will be a good start towards paying off your liabilities.

I do think that the interest rates for Next Directory etc are shocking - I've just taken one out in order to get a free £20 each for myself and a friend and am planning to pay it in full. It annoyed me though that to get the offer I have to get the directory at £3.95 when I can look online free! (And of course if I forget to pay it on time, they'll happily charge me 29.9% on that too!)

Cancel the Next Directory, and ask to be removed from the marketing databases of the others - at least this will reduce temptation!

Good luck, and well done for taking the first steps. You're on your way!

Downsizing x

katsu

Credit unions help lend people money at more respectable interest rates. They might want you to save with them fiirst for a little while. Look them up in the phone book and contact them to discuss if they can help you.

miggy

angelfacecuti75 wrote: »

Thanks, it took a lot to post on here, and be brave and tell the world what is happening with my debt, i am a private person and dont like telling people what a mess i am in, but there just comes a point where u cant just have it all in ur own head anymore. I have made £40 on ebay and amazon in the last few days, but hubby works full time and i work 37 hours a week and my 2 yo doesnt go to bed until 8, i do do online surveys and even participate in saros reasearch to make extra money but it all seems to be swallowed up by bank charges - i am stuck in a rut with them. I worked out that last year i was charged £1093 in bank charges when i only earned £400 a month! (I was on an apprentices wages they were less than minimum wage). Does anyone know anymore about the credit union as i think that would begin to help solve the problem? Please no harsh judgements this is incredibly hard for me!

Hi, sorry I had misunderstood you about the origin of your problems. Apprenticeship wages are so hard to get by on: my son was an apprentice till recently so I've seen something of it, and to have a dependent as well... well no wonder the money didn't stretch.
It's a big thing to make that first step and start talking about your situation, but once you've done that, you're on the road to sorting it out, so well done.:) If you feel someone is harsh you can take one of three courses - report them if they are abusive, ignore them if you're in a place where just can't take it (there's an option to screen out their posts I think) or be a tough cookie and learn from the criticism - says me who spends six months fuming over any criticism before I can make the slightest bit of use of it! Any of these responses is allowed
...The Bank charges are horrendous. I'm no expert but Downsizing's suggestion seems a good one. If you have a basic bank account for your income, it's safe.
You will find details in the forum to do with DMPs (I think you've already looked into this, haven't you?) with CAP or similar (I can't remember names off-hand) who provide a free service and mediate between you and those you owe money to, to help you make affordable repayments and stop it spiralling. You might find it easier to use one of these agencies as not only do they have the know-how, but they are well respected and listened to by financial institutions and they would offer you support.
I can't help about the Credit Union - hoping someone can?
Well done on your Ebay money - I've just listed a few items but I won't make as much as you
Okay hun, if you're still up, don't stay up late worrying about it, get yourself a hot chocolate or something and get some sleep. Things always look worse at night for some reason and we don't necessarily think clearly - so tomorrow will do for sorting out your next step. Sleep tight!

miggy

Oops! Cross posted with Katsu - glad you got in there with the info!

pennypusher

Hi, I was wondering if there was any way your partner could help you, either by paying off some of the debts or lending you the money to pay them off so you are not hit by such high interest rates, you could then pay him back over time. I don't really know your situation but it is worth thinking about.

angelfacecuti75

hey to all and thank u miggy for such a sympathetic post. i dont intend to report anyone, i think part of the problem is not having anything for myself. i dont spend a long time shopping, maybe an hour - but i dont think about it when i am shopping as usually in such a rush i just grab things and go. and the 2nd is being stuck in a job thats very stressful which i have just started. i feel i am stuck because of the debt, yet a job with an 'english' degree and a related job is very hard to find - even a hobby. i work 37 hours a week and bubba doesnt go to bed until 8 and it would break my heart if i wasnt there to see him grow up - it breaks my heart now that i dont have enough energy to do stuff with him now thats all.I was being paid £2.72 per hour although it went up to min wage - i lost my job in the recession, they refused to pay me jobseekers because of partners wages so i had to get something and that was all that i cud find bar temping work. I found out I had £220 of charges this month plus last months £150 but mum is paying £220 but cant afford anymore because my dads self employed and been out of work. I dont always spend £80 on clothes sometimes might buy £40 ish depending on how much money i have that month - i also swap stuff when i can on swapping sites. I like freebies as well so i spose i cud get my shopping 'fix' from that couldnt i? must get off computer as am bathing a very tired young man in a min thanks for everyones help will try and sort out the bank account, credit union and other stuff people said about x

miggy wrote: »

Hi, sorry I had misunderstood you about the origin of your problems. Apprenticeship wages are so hard to get by on: my son was an apprentice till recently so I've seen something of it, and to have a dependent as well... well no wonder the money didn't stretch.
It's a big thing to make that first step and start talking about your situation, but once you've done that, you're on the road to sorting it out, so well done.:) If you feel someone is harsh you can take one of three courses - report them if they are abusive, ignore them if you're in a place where just can't take it (there's an option to screen out their posts I think) or be a tough cookie and learn from the criticism - says me who spends six months fuming over any criticism before I can make the slightest bit of use of it! Any of these responses is allowed
...The Bank charges are horrendous. I'm no expert but Downsizing's suggestion seems a good one. If you have a basic bank account for your income, it's safe.
You will find details in the forum to do with DMPs (I think you've already looked into this, haven't you?) with CAP or similar (I can't remember names off-hand) who provide a free service and mediate between you and those you owe money to, to help you make affordable repayments and stop it spiralling. You might find it easier to use one of these agencies as not only do they have the know-how, but they are well respected and listened to by financial institutions and they would offer you support.
I can't help about the Credit Union - hoping someone can?
Well done on your Ebay money - I've just listed a few items but I won't make as much as you
Okay hun, if you're still up, don't stay up late worrying about it, get yourself a hot chocolate or something and get some sleep. Things always look worse at night for some reason and we don't necessarily think clearly - so tomorrow will do for sorting out your next step. Sleep tight!