Help /advice required long so apology in advance

dipsy

Hi

just a brief (well maybe not so brief :-) )history, leant my b/f money to assist him in his business, or so I thought... I've been a total idiot...

he stayed rent free at my house, using the phone and I only started charging him for the calls made in Nov 09, but he contributed nothing towards line rental etc, which I upped so he could make all day calls to national numbers - whereas before I had eve/weekends as I am out at work all day.....

I loaned him my car to go and see his children 1,000 miles on the clock every fortnight for about 7 months - nothing ever paid towards wear and tear - car died in october last year and I am sure it would have lasted a good while longer had it not been for all the journeys as I only do an average of about 9,000 miles a year, but have never mentioned this, but stated my new car was not up for using period!!!

anyway f/fwd 18 months, no money repaid, nothing seems to be changing.

He went away with his children to visit releatives last week- for which he borrowed money off them as he didn't have any .... nothing new there then...

He owes me just over 5.5k (some of which he used to pay an old debt to his brother whom he didn't speak to /avoided because of the debt), so now he is back speaking to his brother to the point where they are like lovers calling each other every 5 mins....:rotfl:

anyway some of the money that was owed, and I know its only a drop in the ocean, was for petrol money he had put on my card/bank charges he said he would cover as I had helped him out by loaning him money to pay a supplier whilst he got money in from his clients... total of about £50

He says that he hasn't cost me anything since Dec and just to put the £50 with the rest of the debt and he will chip away at it.....

anyway whilst he was away visiting relatives he phoned to let me know he had won on the irish grand national - won about £47......

then went on to say how expensive the beer was in the pub, so basically had spent it

Prior to this also he attended a friends 60th birthday party, to which I was invited but chose not to go because I felt I would end up footing the bill, although he says that would not have been the case, and I will never know as I didn't attend.

whilst again he didn't spend alot of money as he only paid for 2 meals and maybe a couple of cokes/beers, and about £15/£20 of fuel to get there - my point was that if you owe money surely that should be your first obligation, but he argued it was his friends birthday..... gave up in the end but did argue that if it was my friends birthday and I owed someone money then I wouldn't go...

anyway not so brief history over with, have told him not to come back after his trip away and have packed up his things (all sat in my car at the moment), - the final straw was a call to the house for someone chasing him for money - a supplier that supplied him with Christmas cards......

My first port of call was to then ring the phone company and ask them to change my telephone number - which has now taken effect so there wont be any more telephone calls at least.

so whilst packing up his stuff last night, I lifted 2 laptop cases up from under the stairs - one of them was not done up all the way and had bits (business cards etc spilling out), so opened it to put everything back and I was astonished to see a letter for debt collection, now rightly or wrongly I then looked through the rest of the case, letters from CSA taking him to court, suppliers - one of which says on it - plain paper - in bankruptcy across the top and statuary demand at bottom - no idea what that means. Letters threatning to send baliffs around, its my house and he has nothing in it :-(


I have never been in debt and I am really careful with my money - well apart from loaning some shister some money which he quite clearly had no intention of repaying, but lesson learnt....!!

Anyway told children not to answer door to anyone whilst I am out at work, but they have answered to what they thought was the post man and my daughter called me to say the man asked for ex by name.. and then handed her a handwritten envelope which has private/urgent etc all over it.......contents unknown - I am at work.... can I open it ? it doesn't - apparently have a return address or anything.

I feel like I am going to detach his balls when i see him later when he picks his stuff up....

I really don't know what to do, have even thought about putting note on door to say he no longer lives there, but don't want my neighbours knowing my business..

what can I do, do I open the mail and contact his creditors or what?

he has no financial link with me as far as bank accounts/finance products etc, all he has is a link with my address

thanks for keeping up with this

x

SugarSpun

I have no idea what to do about your relationship problems, but I'd do a credit check on yourself as a matter of urgency, do whatever it takes to formally dissociate yourself from him and pack his stuff.

Tell him that he needs to be elsewhere until he gets this sorted out to protect your and your kids' home.

sandiep

Ditto Sugarspuns advice.

Then put yourself and your kids first, and cut your losses. I would say you'll be very unlikely to see your money back. So go into self preservation mode.

Check that he's not taken anything new credit out in your name. Put together a standard letter telling them he doesn't live there and has nothing to do with you, and simply post everything back to where it came from.

Also, talk to the bank and make sure that he doesn't have access to any of your accounts. Change all your PINS.

And don't beat yourself up about it. You have tried to be a good and supportive partner, and you've done nothing wrong. If he's exploited you then he's the one at fault. Fling him out and stick by your guns.

Good luck, girlie!

spirit

you poor thing, reading this was like deja vu for me. If you weren't in the location you are (accoring to your profile) i'd have thought you had my ex!

It's most likely to have been a bailiff calling. I had a few of those calling a few years ago. I wouldn't open it, not because you can't, but because you will only worry about something which is not your problem. The debt is in his name not yours.

Just give it all to him and let him deal with it. Anything like my ex who deals with such things by not dealing with them.

I had the Inland Revenue man at my doorstep with the handwritten envelope - they have to hand to a person, not just popped through the letterbox. He would't discuss the debt with me so I expect the same thing for you too.

I wouldn't put anything on the door either. The bailiffs or whoever are unlikely to believe it anyway, some folk probably have said to them in the past that Mr/Mrs X doesn't live there when they do, just to hide from them.

I 'helped' the IR by letting them know when the ex would be in so they could serve the papers directly to him.

I think you have done all the right things so far, try not to worry.

dipsy

SugarSpun wrote: »

I have no idea what to do about your relationship problems, but I'd do a credit check on yourself as a matter of urgency, do whatever it takes to formally dissociate yourself from him and pack his stuff.

Tell him that he needs to be elsewhere until he gets this sorted out to protect your and your kids' home.

Hi there thanks for replying, well apart from the fact he has taken the mickey once too often there were no real issues, but it cannot continue.

I don't have any financial association with him in any shape or form only that he resided at my house..... stuff packed and in car - he did ask to collect from house as kids there and I am at work, but not a hope in hell....

I will do a credit check in a weeks time to ensure that nothing is associated with me just in case ....

I feel sick :-(

dipsy

sandiep wrote: »

Ditto Sugarspuns advice.

Then put yourself and your kids first, and cut your losses. I would say you'll be very unlikely to see your money back. So go into self preservation mode.

Check that he's not taken anything new credit out in your name. Put together a standard letter telling them he doesn't live there and has nothing to do with you, and simply post everything back to where it came from.

Also, talk to the bank and make sure that he doesn't have access to any of your accounts. Change all your PINS.

And don't beat yourself up about it. You have tried to be a good and supportive partner, and you've done nothing wrong. If he's exploited you then he's the one at fault. Fling him out and stick by your guns.

Good luck, girlie!

I agree very unlikely to see my money ever again... lesson learnt...

all my cards are in my possession so I can't see how he could gain access to my accounts, he has never had my log on details or anything, but as a matter of course I will of course change all my passwords asap.

I don't think he would have seen this coming, as neither did I really, just the final straw when he won £47 and spent it and then a call to house chasing him for money - made me realise that all I was signing up for was a life full of stress which I don't need.

he is coming to my work to collect his stuff from my car at 4:30 and tbh I feel like telling him to sing for it and selling his very last sock on ebay... but its really not my style, although quite clearly he didn't give a flying monkeys about me or mine from the way he has conducted himself...

I really think he should have just gone and declared himself bankrupt and then started afresh and got a "normal" job and paid his way...

dipsy

It's most likely to have been a bailiff calling. I had a few of those calling a few years ago. I wouldn't open it, not because you can't, but because you will only worry about something which is not your problem. The debt is in his name not yours.


What will the bailiff do if I don't know where he has moved to ?

god I feel like im going to throw up :-(

sandiep

dipsy wrote: »

he is coming to my work to collect his stuff from my car at 4:30 and tbh I feel like telling him to sing for it and selling his very last sock on ebay... but its really not my style,

Made me laugh about selling socks, I remember when an Ex left me once I was overcome by a real urge to take it all down the bottom of the garden and burn it!!!

spirit

dipsy wrote: »

It's most likely to have been a bailiff calling. I had a few of those calling a few years ago. I wouldn't open it, not because you can't, but because you will only worry about something which is not your problem. The debt is in his name not yours.


What will the bailiff do if I don't know where he has moved to ?

god I feel like im going to throw up :-(

It's not your problem honey, tell them (if they call back round) where he works, other than that they are on their own.

tiamai_d

I agree it's time to cut your losses and boot him the hell out of your life. I do want to say congratulations on getting up off the doorstep!

Much as I'd like to say burn his stuff, it will only end up getting you into trouble, just hand it all over then he has nothing on you at all.

As for the money, if you can prove you loaned him the money, you can take him to court. But I don't know if it would be worth the stress when he probably won't pay it back anyway?

Do not sign anything from the debt collectors if they do come calling (we had problems with them when we bought this house chasing the previous owners ex, they tried to get me to sign a 'form saying that she didn't stay here anymore' that was all folded over. It was a form saying I gave permission for the removal of goods, this was at the door step so they hadn't even been in the house!). Look into how to prove to them that he no longer lives there and you have no further connections with him, far easier to have proof on hand than to have them constantly coming to your door.

thorsoak

Think I would be tempted to put all his clothes in black bin bags - but first of all, I'd place a couple prawn in the toes of the paiir of socks that I would put, neatly rolled in a ball, in the bottome of each bag! ;o)