Dealt a bad blow and now my family suffer

Taylor_2

Hello, I am a 38 year old father of one who has recently realised just my money situation is out of control. I apologise for the dramatic title but I believe in being honest!

Before I outline my debts, may I firstly explain how I managed to get myself into this predicament.

Ten years ago, rather than file for bankrupsy, I decided to repay all the debts that my business partner and I had accumulated. He basically ran away with all the money from the company and left me to pick up the pieces.

Six years ago, I joined a bus company and worked as a driver for nearly five years.
In June 2005, I was attacked by a passenger who wanted my cash box. In the resulting tussle, I was stabbed with a hypodermic needle and was signed off sick immediately. I received psychological and medical help but despite even the company doctor stating I was unfit to work, I was medically discharged from my job just three months later in September 2005.

Obviously, you can imagine the trauma somebody can go through as they have to wait nearly seven months before they know if they are infected or not. I currently suffer from post traumatic stess and depression. I am not infected with any disease resulting from the attack but the damage has been done!

In the months between June 2005 to May 2006, I became a recluse. I would see only friends I believed I could trust and obviously my family. Meeting new people or people I did not know made me extremely agitated.
I decided not to claim any benefits and did some small jobs on the internet as a graphic designer for which I was paid small amounts of money. This was all ok until May of this year when I did not receive any payment for work I had done. Its not much but its something.
I continued to pay all my debts monthly despite not having a job. I did not claim any benefits.

I now find myself, penniless, jobless, and debt up to my eyeballs. The letter and phone calls have started coming in and with my depression already at an all time high, this is not helping.
I really am beyond caring about my well being. All I want is to support my 10 year old daughter and her 3 year old brother who is not mine I may add.

So to briefly outline my debts. Please forgive me if I have missed anything out!

NatwestLoan £24000 at £502/mth
Natwest CC £5500 at £150/mth
BarclaysCC £5000 at £130/mth
Argos £1200 at £25/mth
Dell Comp £600 at £40/mth
HFS loan £400 at £39/mth

CouncilTax £50/mth
Mobile Phone £40/mth (Still subscribed but not using)
Car ins £51/mth
Utilites £20/mth

I have omitted food, petrol and clothing as I have no money to spend on these but if I was normally spending money on these it would be
Food £180/mth
Petrol £120/mth

So there it is, its not really that bad, but when you have no income, nor able to work, it seems a never ending demand.

I have recently been advised by Natwest that I have a payment protection for my loan. I have continued to pay the loan even while I was not working. I have always been a proud person who would rather pay my debts that seek help and benefits. I realise now that is reckless and selfish as it is not just me that will suffer.
I have handed my claim form to my surgery, paid £25 which I really could not afford and they inform me that they have no idea when it will be signed as they have a back log of claims to be signed.

I recently confronted my debts and phoned CCCA after the letters and phone calls started to come in. They said they will send me an information booklet.
The trouble is, despite the fact that I do not consider myself stupid, I think possibly the affects of last year coupled with all that is going on now has effected my reasoning. I find it difficult to process information and even understand it. It is very embarrassing and annoying at the same time.
I rarely go out, I see only a handful of close friends and even posting this on this board brings me out in a cold sweat. I cannot face meeting people I do not know.

I would be grateful if anybody has any suggestions or advise that I could easily understand. I would be ever so grateful.

I am not looking for an easy way out. I face my responsibilities and try to make them better, otherwise I would have seeked help a long time ago.

I have considered bankrupsy, IVA is out of the question as I am not working so I must accept that I am in this for the duration.

As to when I will be fit to work again, I do not know. It could be next week, it could be 10 years from now. This is the first time in 20 years that I have been unable to work and have never claimed a thing in my life.

May I apologise if this seems confusing. I know what I want to say, but it becomes increasingly more difficult to actually convey myself.

Many thanks in advance to anyone that can help, even if it is just to say Hi, atleast I can rest assure myself that I am not alone.

Thankyou for reading this

1st_Time_Saver

Hi Taylor

I a total newbie myself but i just wanted to say hello and im sure that if anyone can give you any advice, it will be someone from this board!

Easy for me to say but keep your chin up and i will keep my fingers crossed for you!

1st TS xx

1st_Time_Saver

P.S Just found this thread, maybe useful for you:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

1st TS xx

Me_Myself_2

If you don't own your own house, I'd consider filing for bankruptcy.

But first, if you have insurance on the biggest loan, push that first.

mrcow

I'm rubbish with situations like this, as the benefits system can be (and is to me!) a minefield. There are loads of people on this site who will know exactly where to start, but for now, you could always try posting on the benefits board as well for advice on what you should be claiming for.

Whilst I appreciate what you are saying about being proud, it's not as easy as that when you have children to support and mouths to feed. If you don't get some help and support, then it's going ot be even longer before you're going to be able to face going back to work.

Snaggles

Hello! I'm sure someone with a lot more experience in this stuff than me will be along shortly with some good advice for you, but I just wanted to say hi and show my support. I can't even begin to understand how you must feel, you have been through something truly appalling and the fact that you are here on this forum now, ready to tackle your problems, shows how incredibly brave you are.

My initial thoughts are:

Find out exactly what benefits you are entitled to and start claiming them - I understand your reasons for not claiming benefits in the past, but you need them now, and as a tax payer, I would much rather that someone like you claimed benefits than some no-hoper who just can't be bothered to get a job.

Check your paperwork (or speak your lenders) to see if you have payment protection on any of your other loans etc.

Mobile phone - can you cancel your contract and go onto Pay As You Go? Or if you are tied into the contract, can you reduce your package to the cheapest one they do?

Sorry to ask a personal question but are you still being treated for your Post Traumatic Stress and depression? I'm worried that you say you are beyond caring about your own wellbeing. Please look after yourself - none of this makes you a less worthwhile person - quite the opposite in fact! I can almost relate to your difficulty in processing information - I suffered with anxiety a couple of years ago, and found this was exactly how I felt too - I used to liken it to a cloud forming in my head, so that my thoughts became unclear - it WILL pass, but don't rush things - one step at a time.


I really hope I haven't sounded patronising or just stated the obvious too much - as I say, I'm pretty inexperienced at all this, but just wanted to let you know that your story touched me, particularly your desire to support your family (who must be - or will be when they are old enough to understand - extremely proud of you), and my thoughts and best wishes are with you.

The_Tax_Mans_Cash_Machine

So just go bankrupt. Thats the equivalent of stabbing the bank with a financial hypedermic - see how they like it - F*ck em:mad:




PS you might have noticed that I'm in a slightly agitated mood this evening. It's just that I've come to the conclusion that the World (the UK in particular) has gone totally mad & I really couldn't give 2 sh*ts about UK PLC & the corrupt cretins who run it any more. Stuff em all. Save yourselves.

loveandlight

My heart goes out to you. I can identify with so much of what you are going through and have been through.

My OH and I were defrauded six years ago by the seller of a business and the whole team of professionals that we had paid to protect our interests. The business we bought turned out to be a failing business and as a result we ended up owing about three quarters of a million ( yes you read it right £750,000 ). We have a son who is now 9 years old ( he was three at the time and very sick and we moved to the U.S. to get medical help for him as the doctors in the U.K. couldn't find what was wrong with him).

Do you have a partner to help?

We too are very proud people. We did try to get some financial support from the U.K. government but were told that our homelessness was due to us making ourselves homeless. This is despite being British through and through and always having worked and paid into the U.K. system for many, many years.

We returned to the U.K. about three years ago, but no-one in the U.K. knows what had happened to us as it is too painful to retell the whole story. I am still recovering myself but am so much better than I was.

The road to recovery is a long one but not impossible. We too have gone into recluse and I can so relate to your inability to process information and understand it. Now I know it is your minds way of protecting you from what has happened in the past. You are mentally and emotionally exhausted ( apart from being financially exhausted ! ). In my opinion you are in no fit state to work at the moment. The best advice I can give you is to just take one day at a time and don't let your mind wander beyond the day ahead of you. Don't even think about how long it will be before you work again. Your mental frame of mind is more important than your financial affairs. You need to get your mind back first. Your children need their dad otherwise that madman who attacked you will have also attacked your children as well indirectly.

When we lost everything I felt like the people who had robbed us had also stolen our sons future. I used to stare at him in his little bed at night and feel such mental anguish and so inadequate that I even planned to kill myself as I had a small endownment policy that would actually pay up if I had committed suicide. I thought at least my OH would have some money to put a roof over our sons head and then I could look after them both from the spirit world. All these emotions however were a side effect from what had happened and eventually over time they went.


My OH hasn't been able to get a job for various reasons some of which are as a result of his credit being totally destroyed. Before we got defrauded, we were both professionals and both owned our own homes (with a mortgage) He had a perfect credit rating.

We have been living off some money that we were able to get back from a law suit we brought against the people who defrauded us. We weren't able to get legal aid because it happened to us in the U.S. so I spent one and a half years begging practically every U.S. lawyer I could find on a daily basis to help us. I would also phone every day every lawyer in the U.K. I was subjected to a lot of ridicule and laughed at by most of them as sadly, fraud victims always get the blame. Some days I was so exhausted mentally and physically I was unable to walk. So I used to drag myself across the floor to the phone. I refused to give up.

Everybody I spoke to said we would never in a million years be able to prove fraud. It was virtually impossible.This was repeated to me many times by top lawyers in London as well as the U.S.

I knew that I would help someone else if they came to me, so I knew someone would be out there to help us.

I eventually found a lawyer who helped us for free! He gave me my own office and between us it took us three years to get some money back.

We also got a Fraud Judgement from the court!

Our story represents about a tenth of what we have been through. It has taken us six years to get this far and we are still not completely on our feet again. I have no idea what the future holds for us now but I am determined to make sure our son has a future and we have experienced many miracles along the way, as you will too. We will never trust anyone again however.

I also agree that you should look into seeing whether you can make a claim against the bus company. There is also the Criminal Injuries Board as well. Also your need to cope with everything alone, although commendable, can very often work against you. You need to tell the doctors all that you have told us ( print this thread off and take it with you so that will save you having to make yourself go through it all again mentally).See if he/she can arrange some emergency counselling. Your coping problems need to be put formally on the medical record for a possible compensation claim. Tell yourself you are doing it for your children if you feel bad about doing it for yourself.

I am sorry this is such a long thread but as you can see I do have some knowledge of what you are going through.

elantan

i'm really sorry i can't offer any advice but would like to send you and your family my best wishes and say hang in there ...a pro will be on just shortly to give you any help i'm sure ....you have came to the right place ...all the best

loveandlight

I just wanted to also add to my earlier message that we are still massively in debt as the money we got back from our lawsuit unfortunately wasn't enough to repay all our U.K. debts when we returned to live here three years ago. So I do understand the money pressures you are under. Constantly reading everybody elses problems on this site has helped me tremendously. I don't feel so isolated anymore and I know I can always post a problem and someone will always come very quickly to offer advise.

saubryn

Have you spoken to the CAB? Often they have debt advisors who will deal with creditors on your behalf - since you say you don't feel up to dealing with them yourself at the moment, it might be worth seeing if they have room to take your case on.

I hope you work things out and get back on your feet. I can't even begin to imagine how you felt those 7 months.