What to write in a 'Thinking of you' card following a death

LoopyLinz

Hi All

Not sure if Im posting this in the right place (if not please feel free to move it)

Very briefly, friends of ours (not particularly close friends, but close enough) recently lost their 17 year old son (he took his own life) we were at the funeral and have obviously expressed our condolances, etc but I feel I would like to send them a thinking of you card, just really to let them know that we are here and that they are in our thoughts and prayers.

I have been sat here most of the night with the card infront of me and I have no idea what to write. I have never had to do this before (thankfully) and Im not sure if there is some sort of etiquete I am supposed to follow?!

Anyone got any advice or pointers?

Thanks
Linz xox

chelleybelley

have u googled it as theres lots of pointers on here??

mommame

Hi loopy I don't really know about the etiquette side of things but can only tell you what I have done in the past.

Just write that as the days go on practical things get done they may feel a bit lost and aimless, here is my number and if they need to just sit quietly and talk with a friend that you are here for them.

What I did was offer to drive my friend to nearby town and went for a nice stroll in the forest while she just chatted on about her brother,she didn't want to meet other people who constantly asked how she was and sorry for her loss etc, and didn't want her parents to see her upset so was bottling everything up..
She has said since that I was what kept her sane during it all as she didn't want to burden her DH either.
Good luck and what a nice friend you are

mountainofdebt

If it were me I think I would write something along the lines of regardless of the time of day, if they ever need to talk all they had to do was ring.

As far as etiquette is concerned I don't think there is a rule book..............

Poppy9

I wrote to a friend's mother after his suicide and recounted how I knew her son, memories of him and things that would always make me think of him and things he said and did that touched my life and made me smile. I closed saying that I hope he was now at peace.

I didn't know his mother at all but met her a few months later with his wife and his wife introduced us and said I was the one that had written to her etc. and she told me how much she had appreciated it.

No words or thoughts can ever take away their pain but I know they will appreciate you taking the time to show them you care and that their son is not forgotten.

ailuro2

Write what you've written here, that you can't find the right words to express it, but you wanted them to know you're thinking of them and wanted them to know you're there for them if they need anything.

belfastgirl23

I agree with poppy, if you do have any particularly striking memories of the deceased it's nice to say so. Someone in one of my night classes died last year and even though I hadn't met his wife I wrote to her to say how he was always joking in class and he was the one with the dry wit who livened things up when they were getting dull. I thought it might give her a chance to see a part of him she would not have otherwise seen since she didn't go to class with him. It wasn't appropriate to offer help because I didn't know either of them that well but I just wanted to share that memory with her in the hope it might be of some comfort. But offering help or support if you know the people at all well is also a good thing

More than anything you say or don't say though it's just the gesture of doing it that's important!

msb5262

Hello OP,
I agree with most of the posters above but especially with ailuro - just tell them that you don't know what to say but that they are in your thoughts and prayers very much. People are just grateful to know they (and their loved one) haven't been forgotten. I know a friend of mine said that people crossed the road to avoid speaking to her after her mum died, because they were embarassed; that made me vow never to be like that. I might not say the right thing but I will always make sure that the person knows I'm thinking of them. It means a lot.
HTH
MsB

74jax

I unfortunately was in the very same position 3 weeks ago. I had the card for about 4 days before I could even write it. I wrote:

There are no words, but please please know I am here for you not only today, tomorrow and next week but always.

I also wrote it with tears down my face and it's the most hardest card I have ever had to write, I am so sorry for you and know how you're feeling.

Loz01

I had to write one when one of my best friends died of cancer last year, to give to his Mum and Dad. I just put that if they needed anything then dont hesitate and we'll be thinking of them etc and also that I wont ever forget him. I wrote it with tears streaming down my face as well, but I think it helped his Mum and Dad a bit to know we were thinking of them during such a horrible time.

Katgoddess

A work colleague's son died tragically recently, and I had trouble writing the card, as I'd never had to write a sympathy card before.

This is what I wrote:

Dear xxx

I never met X, but he sounds like a great person and someone I would have enjoyed meeting and talking to. (Maybe you could write a nice comment about him, if you'd met him)

I know you have some wonderful memories of wonderful times and I really hope these will help to get you through these tough times.

I am very sorry for your loss, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love