Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

Have been looking the answers I gave to the questions and my thoughts are about transformation, about change. My answers tell me that it is not a coincidence that I have not got what I want. It is partly because until now I did not want enough what I am missing. This is the way it goes – I wanted my son very much and he is here. But apart from that…I have not been allowing myself to want badly enough.

Because I have not been allowing myself to want badly enough (partly due to insecurity, of course) I never committed to one BIG thing – I say that I ‘dabble’ and it is not a joke. Except that until now I believed, wrongly as it turns out, that I dabble because my mind is so active that I need change. Now I know that I dabble because this way I sabotage myself acceptably by not committing to the BIG thing, by choosing THE PATH. This way I can always say ‘I did not try hard enough’.

I would call this ‘Lady Catherine de Bourgh syndrome’. ‘I never learned to play the piano but if I did I would have been a true proficient.’ I never committed to doing …but if I did I would have achieved true mastery. How many of us have ‘Lady Catherine de Bourgh syndrome’? My guess would be many.

I did my thinking, I did my analysis, I discussed the matter with OH. And it is quite clear that a commitment ought to be made. From this moment on I am committed to writing – it really does not matter what I write. The important thing is to forget about my fears, my insecurities and write. I think Double Trouble was the one who sometime ago told me that if I learn to trust myself I can write about anything that takes my interest. Thank you – and I only hope that I can one day help you have a break through.

And I’ll find the courage, I’ll develop the patience and fear of failure is not going to stop me – mistakes are going to become my lessons, and failure is going to become my way to grow.

The thought for today is:
‘But don’t forget that memory is like salt: the right amount brings out the flavour in food, too much ruins it. If you live in the past all the time, you’ll find yourself with no present to remember.’ – Paolo Coelho

Firewalker

Cheery_Daff

"lady Catherine de Burgh' syndrome is just the right name for it Firewalker! :rotfl: I suffer from it too... :rotfl: Well done for recognising it! And good luck with your writing xx

se999

That was a shock, I must be more awake than I thought this morning, I recognised it as being from P&P Admittedly I might return to sleepy dormouse, with how cold it is outside.

savingwannabe

I know that i love and trust your writing. It's funny isn't it my heroes and heroines dont see how great they are? Even little Frit doesn't see it. Strange yet and we have a world of tyrants that do believe in themselves. Wierd.

‘But don’t forget that memory is like salt: the right amount brings out the flavour in food, too much ruins it. If you live in the past all the time, you’ll find yourself with no present to remember.’ – Paolo Coelho

Wish i'd read this last night. As always, thank you.

Firewalker

Today is the last day of the month and hence time for a financial update. In November our balance is -£244 which sounds bad but is actually not. To begin with, we ended up last month with £273 pounds left in the account – so we are still in the black. Secondly, this month’s expenditure includes the visit to Lausanne and part of my very expensive inserts (which, however, made sure that my feet don’t hurt any longer).

Although we have spend a bit more than usual on food (nothing to get very excited about though) this can be more than explained with the fact that we had a number of dinner parties and my Finish colleague and friend stayed with us for four days. Life consists of happenings and having her here was really nice – so not worried and concerned. The really good news is that our ‘exceptional’ expenditure is very, very low for November – which pleases me very much since this is the dangerous one.

Otherwise, we have paid £24, 011 off the negative wealth which brings it down to …to much less than we started with but to too much for my liking. In the savings account we have £4,506 and in the millionaire account £344.58. Observant people have probably noticed that our savings account has been depleted somewhat – this is because of the bathrooms. However, OH has technical work on which will allow us to put £6, 200 in an ISA and keep it as a cushion. We shall see about the rest – but the principle is non-negotiable. One tenth of our earnings goes to us (in the savings and eventually capital), two tenths goes on negative wealth and the rest is to live on (well the proportions are very slightly different but roughly right).

Tomorrow evening I’ll tell you about how my financial plans for the year turned out – it is all rather unexpected but now I’ll leave you with the suspense.

And the thought for today is:

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” - Jane Howard

Firewalker

Firewalker

macgirl wrote: »

· Do you knit, do embroidery or something similar? I can knit, but it grows too slowly for me, so I prefer sewing for more instant gratification. But whatever I'm making needs to have some complicated element - I don't like making curtains or cushion covers but give me a pair of tailored trousers, or a coat and I'm in heaven!
· Do you like doing fiddly things? Yes. When I was quite young I really enjoyed untangling necklace chains - I found it strangely therapeutic!

· How many mistakes have you made in the last week? One or two. I always reflect on the days events and whether I have said or done the right thing. I think this can be counter productive though, as it can cause me great anxiety if I think I've made a mistake However, after I've analysed it, and beaten myself up - I let it go
· How many new things have you tried in the last week? None

Thanks for sharing your thoughts FW and providing such a thought provoking thread. Have a good day

Hi Macgirl, what are you waiting for? Or may be you are not. If my little self reflection tests are working you seem to have it all except the last element. It seems to me that you still have some fear of failure. But the rest are the perfect traits of a very successful - including financially - person.

As to the knitting, what you said reminded me of Edith Piaf; she always said that she never managed to finish knitting a jumper for a lover because she loves much faster than she knits:rotfl:.

Firewalker

Marru

I have to add to the comparison between sewing and knitting. I always preferred to knit because after you finished your pieces there were very little loose ends to tidy afterwards but when sewing I found I had threads hanging here and there and everywhere.

I guess this describes me perfectly. Love the planning, enjoy the process, won't stand around fo do the final polish.

Sea78

Will be thinking of you on Friday hun. Hope the journey there is uneventful!! (and that you get home easily too).

Your questions have provoked an awful lot of thinking here. I have recognised that I have a lot of fear that I didn't realise was fear (rationalised a lot of it to myself). One really positive view on this was here http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/courage-to-live-consciously.htm and so I think for my next challenges over there will be focused on this fear.

Because I'm in recovery and actively working a 12 step recovery programme I have addressed a lot of the fear in my life, so it's been a bit of a shock to realise how much I am still holding on to.Definitely a work in progress!!!

xxxx

Firewalker

I promised to write about how my financial plans for the year turned out. Why do I find this an interesting subject you might think? Because it is an illustration of how different ways to see things (frameworks of thinking) frame different choices and have very different outcomes.

Let us begin with the facts. Somewhere in this diary I stated my intention to pay £35,000 off the negative wealth by the end of December. Yesterday I reported how much we have achieved; and short of a miracle which is improbable though not impossible we are not likely to get to my stated amount. Interestingly, we also spent £12,500 on the bathrooms, the kitchen and external decoration. Had we not done the work on the house we would have not only achieved but overshot the amount stated in May or so.

And here is where it gets really interesting. If one thinks about their financial situation in terms of a SoA this is not good – and we should not have made the choice to do building work on the house but should have put everything against the negative wealth. And I should feel that we have missed an opportunity. However, if one thinks broader about their personal wealth things look somewhat different.

One’s personal wealth is not simply the difference between what they owe and what they own. The formula includes all assets (possessions, pensions, investments etc.) and all liabilities (mortgage, negative wealth etc.). Seeing our financial situation in terms of our family wealth the balance is as follows:

· Were we to pay £37,500 off the negative wealth we would have increased our family wealth by exactly that - £37,000.
· We reckon that what we did to the house increased its value by about £50,000. (we are also lucky to have a decent house in an area where the property has held its value and there is no problem with selling). Thus, by choosing to invest £12,500 in the house we have increased our family wealth by £62,500.

Including what we are planning to keep as a cushion we might end the year with family wealth that is about £70,000 more than it was this time last year.

Now this make me feel proud – and reducing the negative wealth.

Sorry if this is boring but I do find it fascinating in terms of choices. However, it will be hard from now on. Because putting aside one tenth of earnings is a good idea if one invests this well. Savings only give security but capital produces wealth. How to transform money into capital is something I would like to learn next – and practice. And loss is inevitable – so no gambling for Firewalker.

Firewalker

Firewalker

This is it people of the Internet, I am off. The reaosn I am going to Poland is that sometime ago I was invited to give a key note at a conference there. This is my second key note in so many months - soon it will be impossible for my employer to give me a rejection (or I'll get this professorship elsewhere). But there is also a little amount of money involved (a honorarium) which at this stage is more a recognition than a financial incentive.

On this note, have I mentioned that the bashed by many people 'lazy' academics are the only people who willingly work for much below minimum wage. And yes, it is when we examine PhD theses - the rate works out at about £2 per hour.

But my salary has gone up - by £82. Not much but the important thing is that I noticed.

Keep well; I'll try to post tonight but it depends on whether I connect.

Firewalker